A
male
age
30-35,
*gentX
writes:Hey people, i am going to come straight to the point. There is this girl in my med school whom i like. One of my other friend also likes her.I actually want to be the alpha male and get her because i genuinely like her. I flirt a lot with her, i also said a couple of times that i am going to marry her. But i am still stuck in the friend zone.On the other hand the other guy and this girl have one thing in common and that is they both are muslims. He sometimes acts as a control freak. She laughs out a lot for every small humorous thing, and he told her just to smile and not to laugh. He calls and wakes her up every morning and asks her to pray. And his reasoning for that is that he wants her to be a good muslim.When it comes to me i give her her space. I dont restrict her of doing anything when she is with me and stuff. I flirt, tease her playfully, tell her she is beautiful (the other guy also says that), give her chocolates, and we have a lot of fun.And the final blow is she considers both of us as her best friends! I dont want to stay in the friends zone, i want to be the guy whom she can think of starting a relationship with. I want her to give me more importance than him. I dont want to be equal with him.Please offer me some tips.... (Sorry for the long story)
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best friend, flirt, muslim Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Tell her how you feel, honestly and clearly. Don't play mind games or deliver any clever lines. Just be honest and sincere. That works best.
A
male
reader, agentX +, writes (9 June 2012):
agentX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for expressing your views.
I also request you to drop in some tips on how i could change the way of my approach and win her.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (9 June 2012):
I'm an Indian too and I've dated a Muslim man for several years. We might even get married. I'm an atheist of Hindu origin. My cousin married a Muslim girl and they're happy together. Times are changing. If you don't try, you'll be stuck where you are.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Of course you don't want to marry her now, you don't even know her well, first you want to date her then you'll see. That's the point, though:
( and I feel weird telling this to you !, because YOU are the one who lives in India and you should have noticed by now ? ) generally Muslim girls , particularly in your area, do not just " date ", with the experimental, care-free spirit of their non Muslim sisters. It's not like in USA or Europe, first you go out with a boy ( with whatever level of physical intimacy that may involve ) then if it does not work,next, and next, and again .
Those who are even allowed to date will necessarily chose someone that is already , or will eventually be ,liked and accepted by their own family and community. Always with an eye to possibly " forever ". Why ? Because they know that they will end up marrying a Muslim, and there is basically no Muslim ( with few exceptions- of course ) who would accept a bride that's passed through the hands of several other suitors , and from a different religion as for that !( Even if that should NOT involve sexual contacts ). You seem not to realize that in the eyes of a future Muslim husband, even just having dated you could be a sign of her flightiness, unreliability, loose morals etc. But she could very well be realizing it.
In other words, the selection begins BEFORE the race, and you might have been disqualified from even joining it !
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Cindy is right, its difficult to get a Muslim woman to marry you. Religion is a big deal in India and for a Muslim girl to marry a non-Muslim boy is a very difficult challenge! You don't even know if she sees you as a potential boyfriend, so you just have to ask her straight, there's no other way.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (8 June 2012):
I think you should tell her that you love her before the other guy does. Of course, you should do that if you do love her and you're serious, and not just looking for a fling.
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A
male
reader, agentX +, writes (8 June 2012):
agentX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindy u have a point.. I know its a big, Deep rooted taboo that i dont know whether or not, she can break it.
And she is also not in a relationship with the other guy who is a muslim. She is currently single. I am just weighing my options here whether or not i can get her to be my girlfriend. Getting married is way away. I have to be in the position of a boyfriend to do it.
I am not concerned about the religion. i am just trying to make her like me more and trying to get myself into a position where she can think that i could be the one for her.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 June 2012):
Don't waste your time, as a Muslim woman , she can only marry another Muslim.
That would be really a big, deep rooted taboo that you want her to break- particularly for an Indian Muslim.
If she were a totally laical ,completely Westernized girl, and also maybe living in USA and Europe, maybe you 'd have some chances. But if she ( and her family ) is just even moderately religious, your chocolates, I am afraid, won't help you.
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A
male
reader, agentX +, writes (8 June 2012):
agentX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe had been out on dates a few times. You are absolutely right, he tries to turn her into a submissive woman, by telling all their religious values and how she should obey them. I dont know whether she likes it or no. But that something like restricting a persons individual boundaries by controlling how they behave.
The other side i have a more straight forward and a mordernized outlook and treat her that way. What i feel is that it is not necessary to control the way she behaves because she is not somekind of freak.
If i can truly bowl her over, i may have a chance of getting her. I need tips on how i can get her to treat me more closer than him. I dont want to be equal with him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I know Indians are quite straightforward, but is it common in your culture to talk about marrying them when you are just friends? If you want to get her you have to stop treating her like a friend. Invite her on a date and get to know her better. The other guy's pursuing style is to turn her into a submissive woman. She might or might not like this. At the beginning it's cute but I don't think a modernized, intelligent med student would want to be a traditional wife for life, following a husband's orders. You have to figure out if she wants a Muslim as a husband. There are Muslims who don't pray everyday, who are more gentle, but still she can tell everyone she married a Muslim. How important is that she needs a Muslim husband? Is there a possibility that you convert? You may be stuck in the friend zone for this simple reason.
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