A
female
age
26-29,
*ptongirl3112
writes:I have been with my boyfriend Stuart for 5 months but recently we had a few problems. A couple of weeks ago a girl named katie added me on facebook, she is in my sisters year and I've heard she has a reputation and that she sleeps around. I was round my boyfriends at the time she added me on facebook and I told him that she added me,but he was urging me to block her as she ruins relationships and I said that she has lots of mutual friends of mine so she is probably just a random add but stuart still urged me to delete her. When I got home I told my mum,mums boyfriend and sister about it and mum thought that was strange and that he might be cheating. This scared me but I knew that he would never do this to me. I had always seen her text him but didn't think anything of it. However, 2 weeks ago Stuart admitted to me that he met up with her and he kissed her and she tossed him off. I was heartbroken and really sad but didn't feel angry. Stuart was crying when he told me and said that it makes him feel sick and that he couldn't sleep. He told me that it happened a month ago and that he is really in love with me and wants to be with me forever but he was just confused at the time because our relationship has been his longest which scared him. All I wanted to do was hug him. It took us an hour or 2 of talking and him opening up about his feelings for me to smile again and we said that we could move on from it as everyone makes mistakes. I'm still finding it difficult to deal with as I am in love with him and wouldn't do that to him. Katie emailed me on facebook telling me what happened and that she didn't know he was with me in which I replied to her saying that stuart confessed she also emailed me recently telling me other stuff stuart has done and that stuart confessed to her he cheated with someone else. I called my friend jess to help me and support me and when stuart came home from work I showed him the emailed and said to him "tell me its not true" he told me that everything in that email is a lie. I now feel constantly nervous about him talking to other girls and whenever I try talking to him about it he gets mad at me for bringing the cheating up. He says by bringing up I am making it difficult for both of us to move on. Stuart is much more caring and sweeter and much more of a gentleman towards me now then he was, he says the cheating was a wake up call but now I'm scared he will do it again. Have I made the wrong decision in taking him back?
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 When a guy kisses another girl it isn't a mistake. You don't kiss someone "on accident" or by mistake. I would find someone who respects you and wants to be WITH YOU. All of the other details about how long you talked and what all you said don't really matters. What matters is he kissed someone else. Either you are ok with that or you aren't. If you are, he will probably do it again because he knows he can get away with it. If he really liked you he would not have done it in the first place.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 June 2012):
 you can't move on. it's there. the elephant in the living room that no one talks about
he cheated
he destroyed your trust.
you have to accept that you will never look at him the same way... that you will always wonder if he's cheating again.
you told him to tell you the email was not true so he did.
you told him to lie to you... so he did. (the email is probably true but you don't want to hear it)
moving on in this case probably means ending it.
I have a lot of things I accept... lying and cheating are not in that category... in fact for me lying and cheating are probably the two biggest deal breakers there are.
I think that letting him go is a better choice to be honest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): I don't necessarily think you made the wrong decision in taking him back, but...I would question how upset he was about being tossed off and not getting around to mentioning it to you for a month.Were his tears for what he did to you, or the damage he caused to your relationship with him, or because he got caught out and was feeling mightily sorry for himself cos he had no reasonable excuse for allowing himself to engage in a sex act until completion before it occured to him that it was making him feel sick?at your age you are learning about people, and so you are in the midst of balancing how you feel emotionally about someone when they are with you alongside what you know about their behaviour when they are not with you.you have strong feelings for him, he's loving and lovely when he is with you, but he is demonstrating that the trust you placed in him is missplaced.he needs to learn when his behaviour is massively wrong, and hopefully this second chance you have given him will teach him to appreciate being trusted and the peace of mind this brings into a harmonious relationship.personally i would move on, you need to know that you are worth more than being cheated on, sounds like his confusion about the length of your relationship is more about him feeling that he is missing out on other girls.don't get into a cycle of expecting to be cheated on, not all fellas are getting themselves tossed off by accident, some are genuine, try to find yourself one.take care.
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A
female
reader, Kittykatt988 +, writes (8 June 2012):
She could just be stirring shit, or he could be lying. At the end of the day you will never know. The fact that he's cheated only 5 months into the relationship is pretty sad I would call that the honeymoon period. My boyfriend cheated on me too and I'm finding it hard to trust anything that comes out of his mouth. I know it's hard to forgive and it constantly plays on your mind. Listen you need to sit down and talk about why he cheated, there's always a reason they think it's a good idea to cheat its usually an escape. Me and my partner were bickering all the time his cheating made it worse because of his diserpering acts. If you decide you want to be with him the contact with the other girl needs to be cut, and you have to have a fresh start. You can't hold it over him however hard it may seem. It takes work from both sides, he needs to be open and honest and you have to try and rebuild the trust. Goodluck. Ps don't believe the saying once a cheat always a cheat there is always room for change xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I'm so sorry. The reason he didn't want to to add Katie was because he was scared of getting caught. He tells you that Katie ruins relationships.. but SHE didn't your BF did by being unfaithful.
Honestly I have more faith in Katie telling the truth in her e-mail then your BF. She has NOTHING to gain by telling you anything. HE has everything to LOSE.
And of COURSE he gets mad when you bring it up. It means he can't pretend to BE a gentleman, because he ISN'T one.
Honestly you are young, you should NEVER EVER think you have to settle or "forget" how others have treated you. I don't see any sign of remorse from him. I don't see ANYTHING in his behavior that shows you, that you can trust him.
Honey, I'd let him go. And ACCEPT that HIM cheating is NOT your doing, you didn't MAKE him cheat.
Decide how you want others to treat you. What you will and will NOT accept in a relationship.
Ultimately do what you FEEL is the right thing to do. FOR YOU.
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