A
female
age
30-35,
*izzizz
writes:I tried to add a teacher that I think I love and I mean honestly love on facebook last year and he declined because he obviously wasn't allowed, but I didn't know that teachers werent allowed to accept students on the site, at the time. He said he was leaving at the end of last term and I was gutted, but thought it would be okay if I could add him on facebook again now that he wouldn't be my teacher, so we could stay in contact. However, he can't find a job vacancy at another school, so he's taken up supply work and is continuing at our school this term! He hasn't been on facebook since last year, but I am so worried that when or if he does that I will be in a lot of trouble for trying to add him again! I want to tell him face to face but I don't have the guts and i'm too embarrassed! Any suggestions as to what I could possibly do??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Yes I know the question of, "what is love", is most definitely a complex one. MY opinion is that you can love someone or something without the reciprocations but I feel this is not the same as being in love with respect to a relationship. When your "love" is one sided you are in love with an idea, an illusion, a desire, a perception. However when those feelings come back to you that is what I call being in a loving RELATIONSHIP. Your heart sends signals out and they all come right back to you unconditionally.
So yes! You can be in love with someone but you need to recognize this could put you at risk in many ways. Don’t worry if you feel you are confused with what love is because it has taken me many years to THINK I have figured it out:)
I could write forever about “love” but the best thing I can say is that when it comes you will know! Having said that please, please, please, don’t go looking for it. It will find you. All you have to do is be your true self and be patient, patient, patient. Oh! By the way did I mention you need to be patient?
Good luck!
Tony
A
female
reader, dizzizz +, writes (6 January 2010):
dizzizz is verified as being by the original poster of the question yeah I guess it would be strange Jaynee. I didn't tihnk of it like that before.
And Tony, no I don't think I have ever been in love before but that's why I think I am because I feel so strongly towards him and it's never been like this before with anyone. I know it takes two to be in a relationship but I don't think it takes two to be in love. Even if it's unrequited, I can't help it. maybe I just do't understand what love is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): I'd like to ask, have you ever been out of love? I believe that that would be the only way you would know you are truly in love. I also believe it takes two to be in love and it doesn’t sound like this is a two sided story even if it were legal.
Sorry but I have to agree with the rest of the responses but don't feel bad for exercising your heart, it's part of the process for a better future when you do find the right guy.
Good luck
Tony
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (6 January 2010):
Unless you want to perhaps get him locked up in prison for eternity, I would suggest backing off and leaving him alone.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 Try and see it from his perspective. He's probably picked up on the fact that you've got a crush on him, and he wouldn't want to encourage you. Think about the age difference and the student-teacher relationship. Imagine if you were baby-sitting a ten year-old kid and you noticed that he had a crush on you. Would you encourage it? I don't think so.
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A
female
reader, dizzizz +, writes (6 January 2010):
dizzizz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help guys. He's 24, he has a girlfriend and I would like to avoid him, but even if this is some stupid crush, I feel like I can't stop thinking about him. It's so hard to get over him. Also, he coincidentally lives down my street!! i've only seen him once out of school but i'm scared of bumping into him one day.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (5 January 2010):
 I know you think you love this man, but honestly you dont.
He is a teacher, and in a position of trust. Regardless of if he is a teacher at your school, a supply, or a teacher somewhere else, if he befriended you on facebook, as a former or current student, people may talk and he could get into a lot of serious trouble. When it comes to teachers and inappropriate behaviour with children (and as you are under 18, you are still technically a child, as well as a student) teachers are always guilty until proven innocent.
Now, it would be more than his jobs worth to try and forge a "friendship" with you. His whole career would go down the pan, as well as any personal life he has.
So how old is this man? Is he married? Does he have a girlfriend? Children?
Why exactly do you think he would want to be with you?
Nothing will ever come of this crush you have on him, and you must not pursue it. Nothing good will come from it if you try.
I know this is going to sound harsh, but you need to get over this man. You may think you love him, but you do not, and when you are older you will realise these intense feelings (and I dont doubt that you do have these) are purely obsessive. We all have a teacher we fancy at some time in our life, the difference is KNOWING that it is just a crush, and is not real. You will look back in 5 years time and wonder what on earth you saw in him, and you will realise WHY pursuing this would be the worst thing you can do.
You need to move on and find a boy your own age.
As for the facebook issue, how do you know he hasnt been on for a year? He may have been on and declined your friend request? You wouldnt get a notification about it.
There is nothing you can do about it now. Whats done is done, and you will just have to accept the consequences.
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (5 January 2010):
 You won't get in to trouble as long as he doesn't accept you. And if he knows what's good for him, he won't accept it for as long as he's at your school and until you leave school completely.
All teachers gets facebook requests from students. It's usually just for a laugh. But the teachers never (again, if they know what's good for them) accept them, you are not the first and you won't be the last.
You need to be careful here, don't jeopardise his job in any way because he really won't like you for it if someone gets the wrong idea for any reason.
Wait till he has gone from your school completely and that you know FOR SURE that he is gone and if I were you, I'd wait till you're out of school just to be sure.
I understand your worrying and how upset you must be that he's leaving, but if you care for him, don't put him in a situation where his job could be threatened.
All the best. xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 January 2010):
Just ignore it. That's what he's going to do.
He isn't going to think anything of it.
I know a few teachers and they get students trying to add them a LOT. They all get ignored.
You don't want some photo of you drunk in the street and your mobile number being passed round 1500 kids.
Just carry on and don't mention it and it'll be fine.
Good Luck!! xx
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