A
female
age
36-40,
*elpless in love
writes:I have been in a relationship with this man for over 3 years now, I'm very committed to this relationship. I've had a hidden fear that he's cheated on me since sometime in our second year together because our sex life drastically changed. Then last month I found messages in his phone from a name and number I didn't recognize calling him daddy and he was calling her baby. The name was one that could be male or female. I called the number and pretended to be someone calling for a job reference check and a girl answered the phone saying that she had known him for a year and was a friend of his. I asked him about the messages before I called and he told me it was a friend of his cousins and that they were pretending they were gay. I knew he was lying immediately because he's the biggest homophobic I've ever met. Needless to say we had a huge argument when I told him I called the person and I knew he was lying, he got very defensive, stuck to his story, and made me out to be the bad guy for going throug his phone even though he does the same thing to me on a regular basis. We never resolved the issue and now he deletes his messages religiously and that person's name and number are no longer in his phone. I have lost all trust in him and refuse to have any form of sex with him unprotected and as a result our relationship is sufferring, what should I do fix this? I really want this to work especially because I can't prove that he actually cheated, I don't know what to do to ge my confidence in him back.
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cheated on me, confidence, cousin, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Uh I only had to get as far as the "A freind of his cousin's and they pretended to be gay".
That is a dead giveaway.
You are in denial, young lady. He is a cheater. We are all in consensus(which is rare).
Look, I know that when dealing with a cheater that we want to hold on to something...ANYTHING...to believe that this is just a mistake or it isnt happening, that our significant other is different...well I am sorry to tell you that you are wasting your time. Because it is happening
He has and most likely still is cheating on you. and his act is as fresh as a Foghat Concert.
THIS WILL NEVER WORK OUT WITH HIM
Dump him now!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 October 2009):
End it. You're in that self denial stage. You know he's done it, so why be second best, when you you can the best for another guy. Dump him and move on.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (21 October 2009):
 A relationship isn't exactly a court of law, you don't need to prove to a panel of people that he cheated. You say you KNOW he was lying, instead of addressing the situation in a way that considers your security - he's chosen to address the situation in the way that makes it easiest for him and hardest for you. Your sex life is dead.
It's time to walk away. You've seen the proof you just haven't accepted it.
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