A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I dont know y I'm doing this, but my heart just lead me to do this. I've been very edgy on and off about issues relating to my husband.Ours was a love marriage and we just celebrated (was no talking to each other for 2days till the anniversary aternoon)our 1st year together. Know him for about 8 months before marriage. I've had relationship problems before... and loads of family problems too. The most annoying thing is i try and understand evrybodies feelings and problems but no one actually bothers to do the same for me. I mean I do good things and it goes unrecognised.... or some smarty in my family swears and shouts at me when Its really was not my problem. all these happen and my husband hardly stands up for me. By nature he is a very reserved and a sensitive bloke. I am on the other hand have a lot of life in me and always seek to be happy and cheerful. So he's sulkiness and less communicative manner drives me nuts. I spend most of my weekends and nights crying. thinking this is what i have to put up with me, coz God thinks i dont deserve happiness in my life. Coz all through my life though i yearn for happiness I have hardly been happy! I love my husband dearly, and i really want this marriage to work. But i dont know whats wrong with me but i get very depressed about the lack of interest he shows towards making me happy. He says he cares for me and loves me. But he's way of showing it is very strange. i.e if he feels like it!I have always battled my own war... and looks like i will have to do the same for ever. Life is unfair after all.Like i said i dont know y i'am doing this.... but just wonder whether putting all this in black and white would soothe my aching heart. Thanks for reading!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): Hiya, id just like to start by saying that it is a big acheivement to have celebrated your 1 year anniversary and it shows that the two of you are meant to be together and must have many happy times and so anything that you are going through is definately worth working through and not giving up on. In my opinion the best thing to do would be to sit down and talk things through with your husband and explain your feelings to him if it is easier to write down your feelings you could try to write him a letter.Some people simply have it in their nature not to be as outgoing as others and you should not take this as a personal attack to yourself. it must be difficult for any husband to interfere in problems between their wife and relatives and may find it easier to simply stay out of it. He probably feels that you are capable of dealing with the situation yourself and would step in if things got out of hand. talking things through and saying how you thing the relationship could be improved should help things, allowing him to make suggsetions at the same time.i hope this helpsgood luck for the future.
A
male
reader, nigelfuxwell  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 I’ve been struggling with how to answer this (writing and re-writing), because I feel your pain through the screen and I really want to say something to give you some hope. But I honestly don’t have a clear understanding of what’s actually happening in your life. Believe it or not, I understand how you feel in terms of your despair – I’ve been there. But what I’m reading, and what I’m FEELING from what you wrote has a lot less to do with your husband, and more to do with your internal happiness. That’s not meant to be rude or mean… Hear me out.I know what you mean by family problems. I was raised in a house where my mom and dad fought constantly, and I was in the middle. Two things happened as a result. In spite of my best efforts, I never learned how to have a healthy relationship with a woman until I destroyed about 4 of them. The other thing is that I was constantly feeling empty and an overall unhappiness like “God doesn’t care if I’m ever happy” But I was lucky enough to be shown that the problem wasn’t external it was internal.In essence, your search for happiness has taken a wrong turn. You can’t expect another person to MAKE you happy. That comes from within. The only person who can make you happy in life is you. All other people can do is increase that happiness, and add to your life. If you wait for someone to come into your life and make everything better, you’ll be waiting a very long time. There’s something that you haven’t dealt with. There are things that no one but you knows about that are triggering emotions that cause you to make statements like: “I have always battled my own war... and looks like i will have to do the same for ever. Life is unfair after all”You feel that way, and believe me I can empathize, but for the sake of your marriage, and your sanity, CONFRONT whatever it is that made you feel that way. There is something missing, something unresolved in your life that needs resolution that I wager was there before you met your husband. You wrote:“The most annoying thing is i try and understand evrybodies feelings and problems but no one actually bothers to do the same for me. I mean I do good things and it goes unrecognized”I’m not an very religious man, but there is a Scripture in the Bible that reads; “before you offer to remove the straw from your brother’s eye, remove the rafter that is in yours!” In other words, don’t waste too much time solving other people’s problems without solving first your own.And never ever do anything nice or thoughtful with the expectation that people will respond in kind. It happens, but not as much as it should.I don’t really understand if you’re husband is not trying to make you happy, or if he just doesn’t know how. If you’re this upset with the situation, then I’m sure he is as well. I don’t think it’s fair for me, or anyone else to say what the best course of action is specifically between you and your husband with that vague detail, so if you’d like to message me and give me an example, I’d be more than happy to do my best to give you a different viewpoint.
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A
female
reader, Shan14 +, writes (13 July 2007):
 Have you tried talking to him? Have you told him how u feel? Yall can just pick out a day to do things together and talk about it. Maybe it's not u, maybe he's just depressed right now or sumthing.Hope this helps!!!
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