A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I ask my boyfriend to please get his fillings back? It's two of his front teeth. He had told me he lost them again from very bad gritting of his teeth during sleep. He had always been very cautious with his mouth until I asked him. I told him I didn't like him feeling like that around me. That I do not mind and I like him all the same. The "problem" is that he'll be meeting my Mom for Christmas and she's a very judgmental person. She doesn't like him already because he's older. I don't want her to have more things to say about him, she's very shallow. I know I sound horrible but it will lift his self esteem up. The request, however, will not. I don't know how to tell him. He already knows how my mom is and doesn't really like her already even though he says it's not like that. Maybe... I could give him trigger through my mom but he might tell me I think he's not good enough to bring home. Please, help me.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 August 2011):
 The problem isn't his teeth. The problem is they haven't met each other and already you report they don't like one another. How did that happen? As you are the one managing the flow of information between them, this is down to you. Keep in mind that your mother and your boyfriend are adults and are responsible for their own behavior, actions and attitudes. I'd say let go of feeling the need to have everything as sunshine and roses and just let them deal with other on their own terms. Convey to your mother that you love her and appreciate her wanting the best for you. Remind her that you are an adult and will make your own choices and accept the responsibility for those choices.Convey to your boyfriend that you love him and want the best for him. Accept that he is an adult who will make his own choices. Ask that he acknowledge that your mother is due the respect one would give the parent of a loved one.And then just stop trying to control their reactions to one another. Don't be an apologist for either's behavior, and don't accept the blame for their actions or attitudes toward one another.Stop reporting to him the negativity that your mother has toward him and vice versa. Again, the fact that they don't like each other without ever having me suggests that you've been doing too much talking and are being defensive. Stop that flow of information and allow only positive messages to come through, even if there are very few of them.Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): How can people tell you to NOT tell him? Thats compeltly stupid. I'm guessing you are talking about either a broken tooth or a missing one. it's on your overall presentation!! You OBVIOUSLY have to tell him!!! It's obvoiusly on the way you tell him - find a good moment, like when you both are cuddling or something, and be like "sweety I really like you and love you , so dont take this wrong, but I think not having your teeth is messing up your self esteem. I want you to reach your full potential and be happy and feel good about yourself, have you considered getting them? I love you with or without them, but I want to see you happier." If he cant pay for them, you have to offer and help since you are the one interested in his teeth being fixed or ask him if there is any reason why he has postponed it. Getting fillings is also a question of hygiene. DONT tell him it's because of your mother or he will feel bad, always reassure him that you love him and like him even if he gets them or not!!! The decision comes down to him.To CindyCares : He he asked me that for his mother YES- but if he worded it like "Sweety, I'm thinking we should lead a healthier lifestyle together. What do you think if we go to the gym together and try to eat in and healthier foods? It would be better for both of us." and tne get in with the program with her. Easy see?see? It's all in the way you say things.
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A
male
reader, aebniala  +, writes (31 August 2011):
I would dump your mother, from the description of her. Does she really need to meet him. You are no kid anymore. You dont need her aprobation, anymore.
I know it is an expensive operation, he should go to Cuba or Maxico they do it cheaply have a nice vacation in the same time.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Fillings are for cavities, are you talking about extensive tooth replacement? Can be pretty costly, maybe he can't afford to have it done. Are you willing to help pay for it?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 I would not tell him anything. How would you feel if he would ask would you please shed a few pounds, or have a nose job done, etc. etc. before meeting HIS mother, because he wants you to give her a good impression ? ( the implication being that, the way you are now, that's not going to happen ). Would you like that ?
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