A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 17 years. The last few years have seemed more a friendship than relationship. Nothing has changed except me, I want more. He is still the same a great friend, great dad, and a comfortable relationship. Sex is the same, but I have changed. I want more than comfortable and friendship. I want passion and romance. Something we have never really had. We have seen a counselor and done different things to pep things up,but you can't change the person. He's never been a romantic guy. I guess what I am asking is where do you go now when only one of you wants something different and the other is happy where they are at? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Yours is classic case of human's mind to create the problem when you do not have any..
I like the Matrix movies's conversation which says, first version of Matrix created by Machines, did not have any problems, but it did not work. Humans used to wake up thinking that it is dream. So it was not good for Human battery bank. So new version of Matrix were given real world problems and pains.
Point is that pl do not create problems in your mind, if they do not exist in your life. just be happy and relax and enjoy the journey..
A
male
reader, jimrich +, writes (21 September 2010):
re: I guess what I am asking is where do you go now when only one of you wants something different and the other is happy where they are at?
FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILD who will be damaged by unhappy parental role models, do whatever it takes to make a good life for your child.
When only one wants things and the other doesn't, not much you can do other than more counseling and/or more trying. In the end, you may have to leave and find what you want elsewhere. Consider your child's emotional health above all else but be aware that, if you are unhappy in the marriage, your child will know it and be damaged by the discord in the family.
google: relationship tips
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Hi there. In a long term relationship, it can become a bit more like friends than lovers.Even though you might still be having a fairly regular sex life, and it might still be good, it's not really about the sex.You can both settle into a pattern of being, where you start to take things for granted and maybe stop doing some of the nice little things you used to do early on in the relationship.Life can seem a bit monotonous.What can make a difference is in how you both spend your spare time. Often life together can become more interesting if you each make your own individual lives more interesting.For instance, if all you both do is get up in the morning, go to work, come home, watch tv then go to bed - day in and day out, then there's a lot of sameness and predictability. You can almost know at the beginning of the week, what the whole week is going to be like. Simply because of always doing the same old thing, week in and week out. Things can get pretty stale.The more interesting you make your own lives it will flow over into your shared life. As you both become more interesting, so your relationship becomes more interesting. There is some mental stimulation, and there is more to talk about.Also, it's important to have some time apart pursuing hobbies, interests and visiting your own friends. One night a week for a couple of hours maximum is sufficient. It's important to each have your personal space. It will do you both so much good.Another important thing in a relationship is good communication. When you talk, don't criticise each other, really listen and look right into each other's eyes when you are talking. Give the other person your full undivided attention. Also, try to be in the same room - don't shout from another room or from the other end of the house. It's so much more personal to sit right in front of each other. Always be loving and respectful.Try to make each other feel special and show that you care.If you are interested, there is also a very good self-help book called - "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You" (Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship), by Andrew G. Marshall. The publisher is "Bloomsbury". It's a really helpful book about exactly what you have been describing. It's not a very thick book, is light reading and it makes a lot of sense.It should be available at any good bookstore. You could also try amazon.com. I'm sure that you will get a lot out of it.It describes the different stages of relationships over the years and how each partner's needs change as time goes by. It also describes how to get back the passion.It's well worth considering.Good luck and best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): The only thing I can seriously think of take some time off the relatioship until he realizes that he has to be more than what he has been. He needs to be romantic. Make it clear to him that u love him but u want to feel wanted n cared for n love and u want to feel that heat and romance in your relationship so he needs to meet u halfway. Change is always good becasue it makes relationships more interesting and last longer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): You are very lucky to have what you do. I would love to have a friendship with my mate but they did not see fit to what to bother to be my friend. They had female friends at work, etc. and I was just left in the cold. I would also love to have a comfortable relationship. My relationship with my mate is very uncomfortable.
Count your blessings for what you have.
The counselors didn't suggest books to read or anything?
I have found stuff on various topics on the internet. You may want to surf the web for stuff to spice things up and/ or books.
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