A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Broke up with my bf at the beginning of the summer ...then i realized how much i still love him and want to be with him, but i dont want 2 run into the same issues we were having when we broke up. I think we were on the verge of some significant change, but I subconsciously got scared of my growing feelings and told myself it was too much for now. I think we could still make it work, but i'm not sure what to tell him...any suggestions?
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female
reader, lostlove1 +, writes (21 August 2010):
my bf broke up with me because he was scared we were going to continue to have the same bickering problems that we had. dont be stubborn and try to work it out with him and if it doesnt work then at least you know you tried
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the initial lack of complete detail; i was in a hurry.
Anyway, the thing is, I didn't realize that I was in love with him until a few weeks later after thinking about it. I think a lot was going on at that time (new life changes, end of the school year, etc.) and I was trying to see what was complicating my life at the moment. All in all, I regret it, even the way I did it; I didn't think it through, I know he knows I didn't think it through, but I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us for the time being...The precipitousness was the real mistake, I have a tendency to act too rash...
Above all, I just don't want to hurt him anymore than I have now, and I feel that bringing up the relationship now will just alienate him and/or complicate things. (we're still good friends for now) Yet, I feel that what we had we could've been more, and I want that back. So it's a quagmire, to say the least. :-/
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): My thing is this: why break up only to get back together? Ok...I understand you were looking for stability and all, but if everything else in the relationship was ok, if there was no cheating, abuse, addictions of anykind, maybe you could have tried to work things out and waited.
Futhermore, in your initial comment, you didnt' mention anything about stability.....in fact you cited that you guys were on the verge of a "significate change", but you backed out at the last moment, because, you were starting to have deeper feelings for the guy and you got scared. So lets not blame it on stability. From your resp. you come across as not knowing what you want, or even if this guy is someone you want to be with for the long term. Usually, when a person starts to fall deeper for someone, they don't back away, in fact, they get closer to the person and if things in the relationship were changing for the better (by your own admission), it's NOT logical to end it in my book. So, I think it's more of you not being mature and stable emotionally. Maybe you do have some internal issues you need to work out before getting into any relationship as feelings are not to be toyed with. You can mess up a person for life with that sort of wishy washy behavior. Love isn't that complicated, either you love the person enough to stay or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Zayla I understand that you're trying to be realistic, but realistically, I am not that kind of girl. I broke up with him because I thought that we could get back to this later on, when things were more stable on both out sides. So yes, it's probably best that I stay single for now; I don't want him to think I'm playing games with him (which is not my intention *at all*)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Look, it's ok for you to have felt the way you did about the relationship BUT don't start thinking that it's ok for you to use someone's life as a revolving door, that you can come and go as you please, one minute you want a relationship, the next minute you want to "find" yourself and etc. It is not right or fair to the other person involved b/c instead of spending all that unnece. time on you, he could have been investing that time with someone else who is more stable mentally, and emotionally.
If you ask me, I think you should stay single, go to school, get your career going and if he wants to take you back, then maybe he can decide that later on. You made the choice to walk away so you have to live with it. And besides, how is your ex to know what you were doing for the time you guys were broken up? How does he know you were messing around with or dating other guys? For all he knows, he is probably thinking you left the relationship because, you wanted to have fun and exp. with other pepple and since things weren't as "green on the other side" as you thought it would be, now you want him back. I am NOT saying this is what happened, but I am only coming up with real life scena. that normally happen.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 August 2010):
 be true. Is it okay to be scared? To back off because of fear, and not knowing what would be coming around the corner. You wouldn't be human if it wasn't. We all experience fear when it comes to our relationships moving into a direction that is unknown to us. You love him? Your feelings are growing? Put your trust in your feelings and your faith into your knowing you two can work things out.
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