A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am panicking now and i dont know what to do? I had an affair 3 years ago...it lasted 4 years..i finished it because i felt guilty and i realised that i loved my husband.Anyway my husband and i took our on holiday and we bumped into my ex lover...he made conversation with me and my husband...making out we were just old friends...he asked me if i still lived at my old address and we said we did...my husband thought it was strange that he was asking a lot of questions...Anyway i bidded him goodbye..but now im worried that my ex lover is going to stalk me when i get home as he used to hang around my house when i ended it with him...i get the impression that he still fancies me...Do you think he will come knocking on my door and confessing everything to my husband?...My lover has a partner anyway...but i dont want this to blow up in my face..I know i was wrong and i cant turn the clock back...Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Does your husband not have the right to know what he married? You continue to disrespect him now,just like you did back then when performing sexual acts on ur lover then kissing him on the lips without telling him what had just been there. You deserve to be found out. He has only got one life and he deserves to know what he is married to is far different than he thought. .
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Honey, I'm afraid it is too late for remorse. Hopefully nothing bad will happen but if it does, you will have asked for it. Just pray to God that He'll shield you from the consequences of your actions this time and that your lover will leave you and your husband alone.
Let your story serve as a reminder of what can happen when one explores too far outside of marriage territory.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 I find it interesting when you're married, but screwing another guy for four years, and you say that you don't want your actions blowing up in your face......I say, then you shouldn't have done the acts in the first place. I believe, out of your love for him, don't you think he has the right to know. The problem here is you go do what you want, but don't want the possibility of any consequences for your actions.
Now you are more or less obligated to tell your husband, because, when you go do whatever, he has the RIGHT to decide if he will stay with you, knowing what had happened. He'll have choices, that through your love you will give him. (1) Leave because he doesn't want to be with a cheat. (2) Forgive you and move forward with your relationship. See right now, with this secret, your marriage is a lie.....It is because you're not being truthful with your husband. If you tell him and he does leave, it's by your actions that he made that decision, but what matters here is that he is allowed to make this choice himself, and not have his marriage be a lie, where there is this matter pending that must be cleared up.
Either way, it's time for you to come clean. That is the ONLY way to bring your marriage back to being built on truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Its unlikely. Does he know whether your husband would punch his lights out or not? Does he have anything to lose?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Does your husband know? If he doesn't he should so he can decide if He wants to remain in the marriage. So maybe it would be a good thing from your husband's POV if this guy does does hang around
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): you had an affair for FOUR years? Adulterers take note: cheating comes back to bite you in the butt.
That said the only thing you can do is own up to your husband and hope that he forgives you so that you do not have to stay up all night hoping your stalker is going ot knock on the door. Plus, your husband has a right to know that he is with someone who will cheat for four years and lie right to his face.
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