A
female
age
36-40,
*illianDickey
writes:Hello My name is Lilly. I just got engaged after being with this man foe 3 years. We set a date for Oct. 23rd so in just 3 months. Well in the last 3 years we have been together we have had a lot of problems he kinda has this problem with lying. He did it tons in the beginning and after so many times of finding out these lies I started to get to the point where I was done I was going to leave if he lied one more time. Well obviously I never left and he never stopped lying he does not do it as often anymore. However he still does it. Its like when I find out a lie I freak out tell him I'm leaving and we work through it and he says I wont do it again I swear to god I will treat you better blah blah blah all the sh*t that men say when they get in trouble. Well then time will go by maybe a month and I start feeling like maybe he really wont do it again maybe he is really starting to be real with me and then I find out another lie and it just kills me I feel like its tearing me apart. I feel like I go back to the point from thinking maybe he is really done lying to me and starting to trust him to where I think everything, every word that comes out of his mouth is all BULL. Even when he says he loves me and the sweet things or nice things that he says feels like its a lie. So he asks me to marry him and I said yes.... I'm scared that if he keeps lying after we get married that I wont be able to handle it. I just dont know what to do? Do I give it a chance, give him a chance? Do I grab my stuff and run out the door. Can anyone give me some advice please. Thank you *Lilly*
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): I was in a relationship like this for 10 years. Now unfortunately, I am divorced, I am bankrupt, and everything I worked for is gone. I also have little children who look up to this liar as a role model, b/c his lying ways have not been revealed to them and it is only a matter of years before they too are devistated.
Liars mess with your life in so many ways. Even since leaving him, I have had a hard time trusting what is reality.
The thing that took me so long to understand is that liars not only lie to you, they are even bigger liars to themselves. I bet your guy has convinced himself that his actions were not a big deal. That is how he is able to live with himself.
Please see that you are only enabling him. Make no excuse for him and dont stay in this relationship unless he has seeked helped and is truly changed.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 I think he's pretty comfortable lying. YOU have a problem. You need to think about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): I think you need a break from him to clear your head... he's been playing mind games with you for years and it's probably clouding your judgement. You'll never be happy with him if you can never tell if he's telling the truth or not.Take a couple of weeks apart... talk to your friends, or family, get advice from people who know you both. Don't marry this guy unless you're 100% sure you won't regret it. Why did you agree to marry him, anyway? Unless something drastic has changed him, he's probably still the same.
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