A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have known my boyfriend for 13 years. During this time he has had 3 children by 3 different women and I have been married twice with one child, so we have both had our problems. Now we have got together and plan to get married. My issue is that I badly want another child and my boyfriend because of his track record does not under any circumstances want one. I have talked to him in depth about how much I need this and that I am getting to the last point of having a child and that I want a part of him but he says that up to now he has had a terrible life and things are now on the up and he doesn't want anything spoiling what we have. He says we do not need anything to cement our relationship. I have asked him to compromise but he is dead set against it. This matters a lot to me and I feel I would be sacrificing my desires if I pretend it doesn't matter to me. I have tried reasoning with him and pleading with him but all to no avail. I really wanted the whole package if I got married agin and feel that my feelings don't count. Any help - please Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. I am well set financially , I already have one child and I had another who sadly died so the children issue is a big thing for me. We have talked again and I have explained that I am beginning to feel bitter and resentful but he will not move on this so I am going to have to look elsewhere.It is not fair on him either as he is beginning to think that he is only a sperm donor so I think I will have to move on. Many thanks again everyone.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (20 January 2009):
 Might be a deal-breaker, sweetness. If you are dying for another child and he is dead set against it, you will only grow to resent him for not giving you one. If he gives in, you'll be with a guy who's not excited about being a Dad and might not give you the sort of co-parental support you & the baby will need.
Unless you can resolve this, I would advise against getting married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): He has three kids already, and you have one! Isn't that enough children. Why can't you two just enjoy eachother? I'm sorry, but forcing him to have another child will only lead to resentment.
If you really need to have another child, then you may have to move on to someone else.
Why is it so important to you to have another child?
Many couples have children to fill a void in the relationship. Are you sure you aren't trying replace something else that has gone missing during the past 13 years?
Besides, the world is a crowded enough place as it is. You won't be doing society or the planet any favors by having another.
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A
female
reader, sheribaby38 +, writes (20 January 2009):
 well i have 2 children and i could not imagine life without them. if you realy want a child of your own youd better choose which is more important.being a single mom is not going to be easy. its a rough road but if your financialy set and you feel very strongly then youd better find another sperm donor. its not fair of you to try to convince him to have another child. he has three and thats plenty. if you get pregnant with his baby chances are you will be raising that child alone so be prepared for that. i can tell you from first hand experience that being a mom is great its a beautiful thing. but the reality of it is thats its alot of hard work. 24/7 you never get a break. and at your age its gonna wear you down so just make sure your 100% ready before you dump this guy find another and be a mom for the rest of your life...good luck to you!!
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A
male
reader, bookserpent +, writes (20 January 2009):
if you're already having this many misgivings prior to the marriage, don't move forward until you've worked things out. I can't imagine the issues will resolve themselves.
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