A
female
age
41-50,
*lutton4Punishment
writes:I had one date with this guy - in early August. We played phone tag until Sept. 8. He'd leave me a voicemail, I'd call back and leave another voicemail. We just couldn't seem to connect. He used a company cell phone, then he quit his job. He must have turned in his company cell that night. Now I understand why he never called me back ... I can't get him out of my head. I felt that chemistry, a huge spark.Maybe he thinks I'm not interested anymore? He is an adjunct professor at a local college. Would it be weird if I caught him after class and talked to him? The worst thing that could happen is I get rejected but receive closure. Or maybe I'll get a second date. What should I do? I'm very shy and don't want to be perceived as stalker chick.(We worked together years ago (he was married) and I had a small crush on him. I got over it, moved away for 8 years, then returned to the area recently and saw him. He'd gotten divorced and looked great. We went on a date that night, and it was so much fun! All of those feelings came rushing back ...)
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crush, divorce, shy, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (30 September 2009):
 You need to change your name from glutton4punishment to something more appropriate!!!!
I would like to apologize for being harsh and very, very wrong. I was only being honest in how I felt. I learned something from this experience as well.
I wish you the very best and hope things work out between you two.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2009):
Good luck :). Hope it all works out for you. Don't ask too many questions though! Take it slow and see where it leads from there. x
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A
female
reader, Glutton4Punishment +, writes (30 September 2009):
Glutton4Punishment is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, my dears, it seems all of my agonizing over these past two months were for naught. The college prof. is VERY interested in me. He finally read the e-mail I sent to his college address, and called me right away. He said he was tearing his hair out trying to find my address and phone number (I have an unlisted cell # and no address listings, hiding from scary ex-bf), and is "over the moon" that we have a date this Friday.
Yes, I still have questions, but I think this is a very promising start. Wish me luck, and thank you all for your advice and mostly kind words.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
It sounds like he's just blowing you off because he's not interested. Call your friends and get out there and find another guy! There are others, and one will call you back!
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A
female
reader, Glutton4Punishment +, writes (28 September 2009):
Glutton4Punishment is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe whole story: I did e-mail him at his college e-mail address last week and reiterated my phone number. However, I don't think he's much of an e-mail or social networking type.
I just need closure or an answer of some type. I am wildly attracted to this man. That is rare for me.
You're right. I'm old-fashioned and believe men should chase women. But, as pinktopaz said, what have I got to lose?
I'm uncomfortable with the thought of "confrontation," but it's better than not knowing.
My mom and landlady think women should be more aggressive and proactive about dating. They are for my approaching him after class; casually, of course.
I'm torn. We'll see how I feel this Saturday.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (28 September 2009):
Here's how I see it...
Likelyhood of he just doesn't want to go out again for what ever reason..... 98% Why...the phone tag (?was it?) and he easily could have gotten your number off his phone had he really desired to prior to turning it in....
Likelyhood of you having a chance...2%....absent minded professor, had alot on his mind the day he turns in phone, wasn't really sure but gives it another shot...all very iffy.
If he doesn't want to talk to you, then yea, he's gonna think stalker. As long as this would be closure for you and you stop, then you're cool.
So, given the fact you never really know in life, I say go for it expecting the worse. BTW, you can find out his office hours on campus and a number and contact him then or send an email through his campus account to save going in person. If you are going to go up to him, I would give him your phone number and say "I'm not sure if you were interested, yadda yadda yadda, here's my number if you lost it when you turned your cell in." This saves you putting him on the spot and saying he will go out on a date and then stands you up.
One thing for sure, the likelyhood of him feeling the same intense spark you did is pretty much 0%. So if he does go out for another date, keep that in perspective.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 September 2009):
Do you have any other way of contacting him...like email or social networking maybe? I don't really see the harm in trying to contact him again since you weren't able to connect because of the phone tag situation, so yes, he could have possibly given up. However, regardless of turning in the phone, you would think that he would have kept your phone number if he was interested. I wouldn't really feel comfortable catching him after class either, I would feel the same way you do about coming off as a stalker. See if you can find a different way to contact him, just a nonchalant, "Hello, just wanted to see how you are." Because really, what do you have to lose?
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Go see him. You are not a "stalker chick" for going to him and talk with him. He might be wondering about you and how to talk to you.
Just go up and ask how he's been. Hopefully you will get his e-mail etc. so that contacting him will be easier and you might just get that second date.
Good Luck! :)
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