A
female
age
30-35,
*xloopyloo123xx
writes:Hey, i feel so strange, im in college at the moment, in my last year. me and my best mate are both in serious relationships, she always says how she would never have a baby at this age and she thinks its stupid, however, i would do anything to be pregnant and be a mother. i have been feeling this for about a year and a half now. im not sure what to do, ive talked to my boyfriend and he says that he would love to but wait until we move in together. the only thing is that it gets me down, i have 2 nieces, a one year old and a four month year old, and i am totally love them, whenever im with them i can just picture myself doing it full time, i would really love a child of my own, what do you think i should do?
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female
reader, miss d +, writes (21 October 2009):
 hi
im going to say dont do it im 18 and have a 1 year old child i have bin with my partner since i was 15 and its hard i have lost all my friedns cause they wanna go out partying wen i cant my partner works full time and i stay at home with my baby . and you myt think you will live happily ever after but it dont work like that me and my partner are struggling alot we argue wen we see each other which is hardly ever cause he is working all the time to pay the bills . just trust me live your life a lil first and wile your young cause once you have a child your social life goes down the pan , more wen you younger as yoiur friends dont wanna be sittin in with there friends and there baby wen they could be out doing something fun . so maybe just wait a few years and maybe get a puppy it might keep your need down a lil bit as its like a baby you have to look after it a hell of a lot xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): Satin Desire is exactly right. I have 7 kids. I was married and on birth control. I was 17. I thought i was mature enough. My parents kept foster children and i loved babies and kids. I have now spent 63 months hung over a toilet. I have bought and changed more than 25,000 diapers. I had 'easy' labor and delivery with 6 of them. 2 slept all night from the beginning. 1 of them was a nightmare!!! She cried and screamed inconsonsolably from 5 to 8 EVERY evening. All but one was conceived while on birth control... So i accepted the responsibility. Yes i love every one of them. But...last year we fed and clothed and schooled the 5 still at home on an income of $12,000. The failing economy has hit us hard. This year has been even worse. For you to take a chance on any of that right now would be a mistake. Twins? What then? Furthermore its NOT just for 18 years. You worry about them from now on.. You may not listen to us and that is your right, but i hope that you give this a few more years. For your sake..as well as your potential childs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): You sound like a potentially excellent mother, insofar as you love the company of kids and 'can just picture myself doing it full time, i would really love a child of my own'.
Great. So you want to be a mother. By all means, aspire to become one at some point in your life when you're actually able to care for one properly. At 15-16, for all the reasons outlined by the other aunts (brilliantly in quite a few cases) it isn't even a runner for the next few years.
I'm not implying that, if you had a kid tomorrow, you'd be anything less than 100% dedicated to its well-being. But, without ever having met you, I can state as fact there's just no way on Earth you're cut out for it now. Four or five years down the line, it may be different.
Also keep in mind that, if and when you do get pregnant - which I'm almost certain you will, hopefully not for a few years yet - it shouldn't be done out of a need for company, to fill any void, or give yourself some 'purpose' in life that you feel is otherwise missing.
Also bear in mind that two parents are, if not inherently morally 'better' than one, certainly more capable of effectively sharing the duties/privileges that go with the whole adventure.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Once you are married and have a kid, you can't give free reign to all your own wants anymore. Furthermore, at 17, you're not in a position to provide the kid with the best of everything. You have your whole life ahead of you to have a kid. Now is not a good time.
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A
male
reader, greg290352 +, writes (18 October 2009):
 Hi q1605 - in the UK "the last year in college" usually means the girl is 17. While that is young its above the legal age of consent and some 17 year olds do make a very good mum's. I was not recommending that she has a baby without a lot of serious thought. Actually my daughter has a baby and is in a happy relationship at 20. You need to be less judgemental. Not all young mums make bad mothers and not all older mums make good mothers. A lot depends on the individual and her circumstances.
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A
male
reader, greg290352 +, writes (18 October 2009):
Hi I think that many teenage girls want to a mum early. In most cases they would do better to wait until they are older.
However there are a some girls where getting pregnant early is all they want to do. My advice would be to think very carefully about the situation - costs, sleepless nights, lack of free time to be a young girl, stress and so on. If you still want to have a baby then go ahead.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 Read the link Phil has given.
Having a kid isn't a party and while everyone may treat you as special for a while, it is YOU that is going to have to do the feeding and getting new diapers and changing them.
Oh and feeding might SEEM like fun and intimate and all that, but not at 3 in morning, when you already done it twice and haven't had a good nights sleep in months. Especially not when everyone else is living their lives.
You say you love your families kids... WHENEVER you are with them. That is the killer. You ain't always with them.
A baby will be. 24/7 for the next decade. EVERYTHING you do, will have to revolve around the kid.
The very fact that at your age, you want a kid, shows you are not ready for it.
Really, read the link provided. That girl thought she was ready to. She wasn't. Neither are you.
Want to proof different? Get up every night, every two hours for a fake feeding. Clean the cats litterbox and wash it thorougly, by hand, no rubber gloves, EVERY couple of hours. Scrub the toilet, with bare hands (changing diapers is really that disgusting). Cook all your families food. Every day, no complaints. No dates without finding and paying for a sitter. Etc etc etc.
But hey, no worries, you can handle it. Just as that other girl could.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Have a read of this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-wrong-to-want-to-go-out.html
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (18 October 2009):
 I think your boyfriend is looking at it wisely - you need to wait until you are certain you can provide your child with stability, both emotionally and financially. That means unless you were born into a great amount of wealth, you should wait until you are fully certain yourself and your boyfriend can together provide yourselves and your child with a home, heating, electricity, food, clothing, and any number of any other costly expenditures, without having to depend on your parents (because honestly, thats hugely unfair to them).
As for emotional stability, I have absolutely no doubt that you would love your child and care for it. But I'm 17 and in college at the moment aswell and am fully aware that over the next few years, we WILL go through changes to our attitudes, ambitions, aspirations etc. Your baby shouldnt be caught in all this turmoil, and you shouldnt trap yourself in a situation where your only option is to have a mundane job to provide for a baby because you havent taken the time to get qualifications or explore the workplace. I know at the moment it probably feels like your wishes will never change, and having a baby will completely fulfil you, but isnt it worth recognising that this might not be the case? Having a baby would put an immediate halt to any ambitions to have a fulfilling life as a university student, to have an exciting time travelling, and so on.
I absolutely don't have a problem with people our age having children so long as they can independantly support them, and are completely certain they won't regret it, which would be horrible for the children. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 October 2009):
The average child costs nearly £200,000 up until the age of 18. That does not include university fees and other things. You are still young, and the most important thing about being a parent is that you can give your child the best possible chance in life. That means schooling, love, work, clothes, all sorts. The list is endless. All this costs money. Although you think you can provide emotional support, you can't yet provide any other kind of support. Children take up a lot of time, a lot of energy and a lot of money. Wait until you are in a position that you can provide for your child.
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A
female
reader, xxloopyloo123xx +, writes (18 October 2009):
xxloopyloo123xx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks :)
ive paid for all my driving lessons, and have enough for a car, once i have passed my test. just really want to be a mum, and love a little baby, it would make me so happy
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