A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm ready for a baby, physically anyway. Don't give me the "you're too you and financially unstable to support a child".. I don't want a baby right now. That would not be responsible of me.I know I want children... but my fiancee is sterile. You may be thinking.. well that's not a problem.. just adopt, but I want to have a child of my OWN. like, my genes, like a baby me and him. I could never see myself having a child with anyone else up until now. And as my luck would prove it, the man I love is sterile. I know I'm being selfish, but aren't I allowed to be with such a life decision? I want to experience pregnancy. I feel selfish like crazy, but that's just what I want. The option of leaving my fiancee is out of the question.Not sure what to do or think.
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female
reader, amarionusmc  +, writes (6 September 2009):
my man is also sterile so i have thought about the whole having a child thing and i figured we could probably get his brother to donate sperm after all they are brothers so they have the same genes more or less .... does your fiance have a brother? you could possibly think about this also ..... i dont know how much the procedure would cost but its just an idea i had
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Don't pay all that money for a sperm bank -- sperm should be free just like water. Get a free donor. Yahoo has several groups. Just make sure your donor has kids already and is serious about donating (not out for a freebie
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone..
I'm going a bit crazy and I really appreciate the feedback (and the amount of replies) I got back here. I'm going to talk to him about it come the near future, but in the meantime I can't help but hope somehow some tiny sperm is created of his and finds it's way into me. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 If you went to a sperm bank, please do an intensive and extensive research before you choose one. Read the fine print.
Ideally, you would find one that would have a full medical disclosure on the sperm donor. The donor, on the other hand, has signed a release (pun not intended) on any legal rights he has once his sperm is donated to the bank. You may not be able to [legally] trace nor contact the donor, but the sperm bank may be able to do that for you. Why? fast forward a few months or years after the baby is born and you doctors need his medical history to better understand their diagnosis and thus provide a better prognosis. They will do this behind the screen of course, but you may have to pay (by this time, your insurance may be able to cover it).
If you went to your fiance's brother, yes, you will have ease of mind on the gene pool and medical history. But at the same time, even when the brother signs a release on any legal claims toward "his offspring" in the futre, there is always the psychological impact on him knowing that he is the father of his nephew. He can't help it, it is human nature. It is also human nature that the biological father may be thinking a lot about the baby (and thus could affect his own relationship with his partner). But if you and your fiance and his brother is fine with this, then this might be the better solution for you.
Good luck! You have a lot of homework to do :-)
Cat
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 March 2009):
 I think if it was his brother that would be even worse! It would just be too weird for your fiance and his brother, imagine at family parties and gatherings he would see his own child running around! Thats not a good idea, I wouldnt suggest it to your fiance.
With regards to your concerns for health reasons at sperm banks, it is acutally safer health wise to go with a sperm bank than someone you know. They test the sperm before they accept it to check for any unwanted problems, STI's etc etc. You will be guaranteed to get healthy sperm from the sperm bank whereas with someone you know, you have no idea how healthy their sperm is.
There is no easy way to bring it up I'm afraid, but you do need to talk about this before you go ahead and get married otherwise if he wont agree to anything like this then your marriage will end in divorce. You just have to be open and honest with him, in the same way he has been honest about his infertility. Just tell him you have been thinking about your options for having children, and one idea is a sperm donor. The see what his reaction is - I'm sure if he is mature enough he will be able to sit down with you and have a proper discussion about this. As he is infertile, he will be sort of prepared for a conversation like this, he will expect this conversation to happen almost.
I hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has a zero sperm count,
He doesn't produce semen.
I think you're right, a sperm bank would be the best way.. I just thought that maybe it would be better to know the person who would donate because of health reasons..or even his brother, because that way the genetic father would still be a part of the child's life, as the "uncle"
I'm really not sure on all of this, :( I'm also not sure how to bring it up.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 March 2009):
I think wonderingcat gives some good advice here; you need to find out in what way is he infertile? Does he have a zero sperm count or is there a small chance you could get pregnant? Again, talking to the doctor is the best option here.
With regards to a sperm donor, then the sperm bank is defiantely best. People that donate their sperm in this way are happy never to be involved in the child's life and your fiance will get to be the dad without any interference.
Whereas if you go with someone you know, it will make things difficult. Your fiance will feel threatened and his ego will be damaged (even if he wont admit it, he will end up feeling like less of a man because xxxx down the road could give you what he cant give to you). And then the guy who does donate your sperm may end up wanting to be involved in the child's life, even if he says he wont at the start. once he sees the baby he might realise that he wants to be part of his own child's life, and he will have rights because genetically, the baby is his. You dont want your child to end up with 2 fathers so I would urge you to go to a sperm bank rather than someone you know.
I hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure how he would feel if I asked him about considering a sperm donor, it seems to be the only financially available option I have.
Would it be weird to have someone we know be the donor? Is a sperm bank a better choice?
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (18 March 2009):
A man's infertility is classified into different categories (or causes). For instance, a low sperm count (under 20million sperm heads in 1milli-liter of semen), or his sperm has many anomalies in shape, or low motility, or his semen contains no sperm at all (zero count). If he is already cut (vasectomy), there is a small chance on the outside, that it is reversible (for him to become fertile again).
If he is totally sterile with zero sperm count, the medically speaking, you may not be able to get pregnant with his sperm.
However, if he just has a low sperm count, your fertility specialist doctor will be able to tell you what options you have. He could be given treatments to increase his sperm count, or you could also get an artifial insemination (with his sperm collected over time) or go through an IVF (in-vitro fertilization) where your egg(s) is put in a petri-dish full of your husband's sperm (and the resulting fertilized egg(s) will be implanted in your uterus). All these of course, will not be cheap and may not be covered by insurance for someone as young as you are.
Here a few links you can read up on:
Male Infertility - Possible Treatment http://www.med-direct.com/mens-fertility/treat.html
in vitro fertilization http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/in+vitro+fertilization
In summary, you need to visit your doctor for a full medical checkup if you and your fiance are serious about this.
Good luck!
Cat
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 March 2009):
You dont have many options here I'm afraid. He is sterile, and if you wont leave him then you cant have a child together.
Speak to your fiance, is he willing to allow your eggs to be fertilised from a sperm donor? That way the baby is half yours but it wont be his baby, it will in essence be another man's. There are a couple of options available to you, I'm sure if your fiance spoke to a doctor they would be able to explain to him whether he can get any treatment to try and help you get pregnant.
Otherwise you just cant have a baby that is both yours and his genetically - it is just not an option. So you need to decide whether you want to be pregnant more than you want to be with your fiance.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Two things:
You don't have to be a 'father' to be a 'Dad.' Just because the baby wouldn't be his by blood doesn't mean he would be any worse or form a smaller bond with it than it's genetic father.
Secondly, you could try IVF treatment. If that doesn't work and he is definitely sterile, then you could go to a sperm donor - then it would still be yours by blood =]
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm willing to do just about anything, I guess.
On a fixed income I'm scared nothing will ever happen..
I figured I might as well start trying now.
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