A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there readers!!! I've been having a serious problem with my boyfriend these past few days and I was wondering if you can give me any good advice to what I should do? Anyway, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and been living with each other for awhile now also. The first few months that we started dating, he was always sweet to me. He would leave me sweet txts, take me out on dates, hug me and kiss me whenever I wanted him to, play fight with me, and laugh at my jokes. This all started to change when we decided to live together. I started to notice that he was not as sweet to me as he was before we moved in together. Before when he's about to leave the house to go somewhere whether it would be school or just out with his friends, he would usually kiss me goodbye as a sign of respect. But now, he doesn't do that anymore. He just leaves without saying anything to me even though he knows that I'm right there waiting for him to acknowledge me. Also, when we go to bed, he doesn't want to be close to me anymore. He doesn't want to cuddle with me or put his arms around me like he used to and when I try to cuddle with him, he pushes me away or tells me to stop what I'm doing. When I bring up to him the things that bother me, he just tells me that he doesn't want to talk about them and he just completely disregards them. Is it wrong for me to ask my boyfriend to be sweet to me like he was the day we started dating??? I really love my boyfriend and I don't want to break up with him, but he's beginning to push me to end my relationship with him. Can somebody please give me a suggestion to my problem?? I just want to make our relationship better and not have this problem happen again. I would really appreciate all of your suggestions!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): There is really not a lot of information here to go on as to what is the cause of the problem....but I do have a suggestion for you.
Stop acting as if you care about him being sweet to you. Absolutely do everything you can to take your focus off of him, don't do special caregiving things like cook or do his laundry, let him take care of those responsibilities for himself.
Instead put your focus on to yourself. Start paying attention to your feelings and when your boyfriend tells you he is going out without you for instance tell him right then how you feel, tell him in I statements and don't make him wrong....just tell him I feel sad sometimes when you leave me here by myself, I don't really like it that you are going out, but you do what you want...and then turn around and walk away from him if he doesn't reach out and hug you or something...don't start a fight, just really feel you feelings and if you feel like letting a tear go, then do so, don't pretend with him that you are feeling good.
The other thing is that you start going out and doing things that you want to do more, and come home and tell him about them....be a little unpredictable, don't always be home at the same time on the same nights, start hanging out with your girlfriends, not at bars, but doing things you all enjoy.....
Sometimes women can give too much to a man, or be doing to much to care for him and he starts to feel that he is almost not needed or something like that. Tell him you appreciate him when he does little things for you and be specific....say what he did specifically that made you fell special and tell him how you felt about it when he did it.....giv him your trust, and act as if you don't care that much what he does or doesn't do.....just leave the room when he is ignoring you, don't say anything to him about it, just go and watch him start hunting you down.
Men will come close if you move away from them physically....let him come to you.
The other suggestion I have is, why don't you both get your own place? Why are you living together? Are you engaged? Because your boyfriend like all men will not see living together as a commitment to get to marriage....he will see it as the two of you are dating, and he can choose to end that or get off that train any time he wants. Are you sure you want to date someone exclusively who hasn't made up his mind about you and told you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? There is nothing wrong with continuing friendships with other men or having coffee dates with other men to let him know that if he is not careful he could lose you at anytime if he doesn't pay attention....guys like competition, they like the chase and that never changes even after you marry them sometimes, they have to know that you are strong and independent and responsible for your own happiness and if they aren't good to you they could lose your love....fear of loss keeps human beings in the game, unfortuneately that is how it works.
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