A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im 16 and lost twins 4 months and i was 5 months pregnant, it was the hardest thing ive ever had to go throu but my boyfriend was really supportive. after just getting sorted about forgetting loosing my twins ive started to really want another baby but my boyfriend isnt sure about it. he keeps telling me we can when we get our money sorted now hes earning 800 a month. whenever i tell him i want a baby he stops the conversation - what do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Why do you feel in the hurry to rush into parenthood? Home life was horrid, parents not supportive, loving?
So you will do better, have children and then you'll feel better because you finally have the family you never had as a kid?
Thats selfish, a pattern of behaviour and mindset of children from a abusive/neglectful childhood home, but doesn't solve anything.
Don't bring children into this world UNLESS you can provide for their every need, emotoinal, physical, mental, spiritual. This means if BF walks- you are on your own and can still provide for them by making an income.
With little to no money and struggling, the stress of it all, the hardship will result and a cycle of abuse where tempers are short and the greater the chance of neglect and abuse.
Honey, stop all of it.
I know its even harder to fight this partial instinct after being pregnant and growing attached to twins but Love, those children were called back home for a reason. They serve a greater purpose in Heavenly Fathers care than they do on this Earth.
Also take this gift of healing from such a temporary loss (you'll see them again, in time), grow, heal, and become a stronger woman that is prepared to have children come into a very loving, warm, safe home. A home of where food, clothing, education, and kindess resides.
Its much harder to be all of that at your age.
Give the blessing of a Loving Home where Love abounds in every moment, every hour, because two loving Parents have provided the means to ensure the BEST care for their children. Give the future children and grandchildren the blessing of love, peace and success in having a happy, fulfilling life due to your enourmous love and sacrifice of time by waiting.
Such a loving act now, holding off, will mean everything to them that stand on the other side, waiting for you to love them and give them a much deserved loving life and home all because you took the time to become self reliant and better able to provide them a home.
They see and know you and want you to succeed too. They love you and want you to do what is right by you also.
There is no hurry. Time for them is eternal. Use that time wisely.
*hugs*
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I am very sorry you lost your twins, I cant imagine how hard that must have been for you.
However, you are only 16 and £800 per month is not even close to enough to afford a baby. I earn around £1,300 per month and I struggle to support myself on my own, let alone support another adult and a baby too.
Lets look at your situation:
- Do you have your own house where you live with your boyfriend? I presume the answer is no, so where is the baby going to live? You cant expect to have a baby in your parents house, they already have a child (you), they dont want another one. A cramped bedroom in your parents house is not a suitable environment to raise a child, the child needs its own space to grow up.
- Do you have a car? As you are 16 the answer is no as you are not allowed to drive. So what happens if you are alone with the baby and the baby is ill and you need to take it to hospital or the doctors? What happens if you need to run out and buy some more nappies because you have ran out but the only shop open is a few miles away? Raising a child without a car is incredibly difficult, and you cannot rely on your parents either for this because they are not your taxi service.
- Have you finished your education? How do you expect to have a job in the future if you have no qualifications? There are very few jobs out there at the moment anyway, so you need a good education to stand a chance of getting a job. You cannot rely on your boyfriend either - you are not married so you have no legal rights to any of his money, so what would happen if you split up and you didnt work? Yes he would have to pay maintenance but that wouldnt cover much more than a few of the child's costs. What about paying for your own food, clothes etc? And it wouldnt be all of the child's costs so you will NEED a job.
- Money. Quite frankly, you dont have any. So you cannot give a child a good quality of life with no money. Your boyfriend is on little more than minium wage, he cannot support you as well as a child on £800 per month. The cost of living is going up and up, so you need 2 incomes of well over £1000 per month realistically to afford a child. If you dont have a job then you dont have much hope really.
I could go on and on, there are hundreds of reasons why you are too young for a baby and your boyfriend is right to wait. What is the harm in waiting anyway? You will be in a better financial situation if you wait a few more years, you will be more mature and better equipped to be a parent...overall you will be a better mum if you wait until you are in your 20's.
I know it is hard because you lost your twins and you want to replace that gap in your life, but I promise you now you can give a child a much better life if you wait a few more years. Start planning now and saving, that way you at least have something to look forward to. But be patient, you have so many years ahead of you to be a parent, you will be doing the right thing by waiting.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Wait till you are better financially and a little older.
(Short, sweet, and to the point)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I'm sorry for your loss, honey.
Chigirl is right, you need to wait. You boyfriend is right you two need to be financial secure.
Live life a little, you are only 16. There should be no hurry to start a family.
And consider talking to your doctor and get some counseling for the loss.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Wait. You are a young teenager, you are in absolutely no hurry. If you were 20 years older I could understand the rush, but at 16-17 there is no rush. You are still suffering from the loss of your twins, but becoming pregnant again will not replace the twins. A new baby should not be a substitute for someone else. Make the decision to have children on the right basis, for the right reasons. Wanting another child because you are suffering from the loss of your twins isn't the best reason, not when you can have plenty of children later on. Grieve, give yourself time to heal, and create another life when you are not still grieving over the loss of the twins. Make babies not because you miss what you lost.. but instead do it when the situation is right and you are both ready to move on from the loss.
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