A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help needed with troubled relationship should I trust her, do I end it and is she cheating. To cut a long story short I have been with my girlfriend for around 2 years and love her very much we've been through alot together. At first it was great and we were due to move in together but some personal circs of mine meant we couldn't move in and had to move area and because of work etc we can only see each other of a weekend which she obviously found hard.I know she wants marriage etc and i do too but that just isn't going to happen for the next few years at least. Everything seemed fine and she said although she wasn't happy with these circs she could deal with it.Just recently we were in bed together and she got a txt from a guy i'd never heard of. I genuinely dont have a prob with her having male friends and asked her who he was and she just said he was a customer from work and he sends out messages to loads of people. I accepted that but saw him on her facebook. Turns out she had lied and this guy was someone who she works with, had thought she was single and been asking her out. I thought it strange she had lied and asked her about it she just said that yes she had been getting txts from him and that she had been replying to these flrty txts but she hadn't done anything with him and would stop replying when i told her clearly that she had no need to lie to me about it. I left it at that and decided to draw a line under I was hurt by the lies but believed she'd done it so as not to hurt me.After this she seemed a bit distant and to be fair I prob pushed a bit too much with the is everything ok questions.A week later she went to her friends house as she has a hot tub for a girly night. I had told my mate about this and he said just move on forget it she's not the type to cheat so I did.the day after the hot tub thing she came over. She was wierd about her phone which wasn't normal (she usually puts it in my pocket if we go out so she dosen't have to carry it) but this time wouldn't do it. we had a nice night out but when I got home I got a txt off my mate saying that one of her friends had made friends with this guy on facebook. The only reason I can think that he knows her is through my GF so I asked. She went off on one about it shouted and swore at me and said she had no idea how her friend knew him and that none of her mates knew who he was. Then the day after I get a txt saying that this guy is now making friends with another friend of hers so I ask again. She admits yes she has still been in contact with this guy but that nothings happened that her friends do know she has had texts off him and that she lied again because she knew it would hurt me. It's clear her mates are encouraging this and that somehow she's been going along with it. She's been wierd ever since not answering her phone when she does normally, saying she's on the phone to people when I know she's not, asking me to wait before ringing her, saying that i'm checking up on her when I ask her the most innocent questions about what she's been upto for the day beeing in very strangely good or bad moods. Finally she rang me the other day in tears saying she loves me but cant do it anymore and she wanted some time to think. what should i do dont want to crowd her but if she's cheating I dont want to have anything to do with her but I'm guessing she wont admit it. If it's just the situation then I can take that and we can part on good terms, i'll wish her well and i'd be there for her of she needs me. what to do????
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Hi I posted this but cant log on for some reason. Thaks for the replies actually very usefull and food for thought.
Three days since any contact think thats a very bad sign and i'm finding it rather difficult to keep myself off that txt or phonecall but i guess its up to her to get in touch with me now.
In years gone by I would more than likely just finished it and never spoken to her again at the first sign of continued lying but we have been through alot and I do love her but I think the trust has taken too much of a knock to sort it and I cant change my situation at the mo. so we're stuck at a bit of an impass thats only gonna end up in a goodbye. I guess the question now is will it be a messy one with blame or a parting on good terms.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): She's told you so many lies that you cant trust her word. I would give her space for a lifetime and get someone more honest who doesnt get distracted when a guy shows interest.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I'm not sure if she is cheating or not, but it definitely sounds like she may be developing feelings for him hence the need for the time to think.
I think you just need to give her space, and wait and see what she has to say - hopefully she will be honest with you and come clean if she has been cheating. But it may just be that she has spent a lot of time with him at work, she has started texting him and then developed feelings, that is pretty bad but she may not have acted on them.
I would stop talking to her entirely for now, give her the space she needs and hope that she will be honest when she speaks to you next. Once she has told you everything then you can decide what you want to do next.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): At this stage mate i would start to get a bit worried, if she has called you in tears saying she needs space mabye that's what needs to happen, but don't forget it's a relationship with two people and you need to think about what you want. By the same token though take a look at these innocent questions you have been asking and make sure that what you wrote is actually how it happened and you weren't being a bit overly paranoid. For the first 12 months or so of my relationship with my gf of 5 years i was a bit paranoid constanly asking "who is this" to every new facebook friend and it almost ruined our relationship. Mabye she's not being honest with you for fear of an over reaction, but if you're sure your not being a paranoid Peter then mabye she has been up to no good... Not sure this has been much help mind, but you never know...
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