A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel that I've become unattractive to my girlfriend. We've been going out for two-years. At the start of our relationship, we were all over each other all the time. We would have sex basically everyday, sometimes two or three times (or more) a day. And of course that declined over time, which I expected. All relationships go through that exciting phase at the start, but it's at the point now where we are almost never intimate.We've now only had sex about once in the last eight-months. Occasionally we'll fool around or I'll go to kiss her, and she will usually say something along the lines of "I don't feel well tonight" or "I'm not in the mood, maybe we can tomorrow night".I'm not one of those sex-crazed guys who will dump a girl if I don't get sex. I love her and care about her, so she means a lot more to me than just getting into her pants. But I'm starting to feel like she's not as attracted to me as she used to be.I have gained a bit of weight over the last year, which I've been working pretty hard to work off. I asked her a few weeks ago if she still finds me at all attractive, to which she actually got quite mad at me over and told me of course she does, and said that I'm just being paranoid.I can't figure it out, is she not interested in me any more? I can understand if she isn't in the mood for sex, but for eight-months? Any advice would be much appreciated
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 Everyone is giving great advice and I hate to say this but many times when someone does not want to be intimate, its because they are being intimate with someone else or have lost interest, but don't have the courage to break it off. You need to confront her and stand up for yourself. It is perfectly reasonable to demand intimacy on a more regular basis. I mean, you aren't asking for it every day but once in 8 months is pathetic. If she refuses or uses it as an excuse to leave, then she has been trying to leave. Please make sure she isnt cheating on you. I have been cheated on once and that was the first sign that he was cheating. I caught him in three days. I hope this is not the case but don't rule it out just cause you think she could never do that to you. You would be surprised what "loved" ones will do to us
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): hey, she might be cheating on you. don't ignore the signs.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 8 months is a really long time. Intamicy is a big part of a relationship. I understand that you love and care for her but you really need to get to the bottom of what is wrong with her. Maybe she has just lost her sex drive. Is she in a stressful job? Maybe she is worrying about something or else something is wrong with her therefore you both need to get to the bottom of this. You need to sit down with her and ask her what the problem is. She cannot say you are paranoid, not if you haven't been intimate in 8 months. Talk to her and see if you can both get to the bottom of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): hey, i am in the same situatio with my boyfriend. i'm starting to think its because i care a bit too much.... that he just feels comfortable enough to now actually really want sex.. i know i was sex all the time but he never does, but when i play hard to get, or don't inniciate it, he wants to know why... you could try that, but i don't really know if it would work for you, she might end up feeling pretty worthless. people are gona tell ya to just sit down and talk .. but my other half also gets mad when i try to bring it up saying if he wasnt attracted to me he wouldn't be with me... just let her try it on with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): The weight may not be helping. But is it because of what is being served at home? What I am asking is does she enjoy stocking the pantry with all the sweet and high fat stuff? If so you need a pantry clean out. Where the chips, cookies, candies, chocolates, all soda, beer etc and the processed meats and savoury snacking items are banished. Then switch to lots of vegetables, fresh fruit, Some lean chicken. Make a treat a Subway chicken salad without the sauces, dressing and cheese. It will still taste good.Start scheduling a walk together as soon as you arrive home. Schedule additional walks together at the weekend. You need to be doing some things together that do not hint at sex.Get some weights and practise curls together.Go for a scenic drive into the country and when you get there hike up a hill together. Then start reading erotic texts out loud in bed. Get your body more toned and believe me she will take notice.And when you are starting to feel she is showing signs of getting more frisky, then introduce some ideas from the following article.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (4 October 2011):
Something's definitely up, whether she's fallen out of love with you or something else. At your age a sexless relationship is very, very unusal. You're not happy about it, and rightly so. You're hardly being unreasonable -- on the contrary, you're working so hard to be reasonable that you're allowing yourself to be seriously mistreated.
To be blunt, all other things equal you are seeing your future. So make sure all other things aren't equal. Get to the bottom of this somehow, even if you have to get her to counselling. No intimacy for that long is a sign that something is seriously wrong.
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