A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Asking for advice,over a year ago, my ex girlfriend ghost me, no contact since, she didn't even say goodbye,I didn't do anything wrong, but treat her special,what I am asking is ,would it be stupid, in my part to try to contact her,I know every one will say, she is a ex for a reason, but I've been with other women,and I still miss her, we never argued, just had a lot of fun, I thought, I wonder if karma, ever came back , and hurt her heart like she done to mine, I know I should of notice the red flags, so it's my fault, one day it was great, then gone.
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male
reader, liddel +, writes (20 February 2018):
Don't waste time chasing someone that does not want you. Pick yourself up and get on with your life.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 I second all what Ciar says.
Plus, if you are the petal rose dance guy, I want to add that I remember your story very well, and if you were truthful when you told us the story the first time... things did not go exactly like you say now , and , according to your own version , who ghosted whom is very debatable.
The lady was not impressed by the rose petals and not appreciative, and you took offense, and just up and left wishing her well with the equivalent of " Byebye, have a nice life ".
If she took you literally, and did not feel the need to chase after you and beg you back as you maybe hoped she would do...that's not ghosting, technically. At most it's calling your bluff.
But maybe, the ghosting happened with another lady, not the rose petal one. Ciar's advice ( and mine ) is still sound. No good can come from going after a woman who , by ghosting you, made so clear what she felt about you.
Also if you are not the rose petal gentleman (.. of which I'd be surprised ) but another gentleman with similar problems, I would suggest that perhaps you should discuss this issue with a counselor or a therapist, so that he/ se can guide you through venting your feelings but in a more constructive way. It is a long time now that you have been posting about this ghosting episode and I feel you have let it loom too large over your mind. I am sure , in fact I KNOW , how being ghosted hurts and smarts and leaves you deflated... but , shit happens ! To everybody ! You live and learn, move on, and next time you do better also because of the misshapes amd mistakes you went through before. You can't allow one episode of rejection to get you so stuck , nearly to the point of obsession, that you have to relive it in your mind so often and after all this time. Maybe you have trouble overcoming this on your own, which is not surprisisng- that's why there are professionals who have studied years in order to be able to help you get unstuck.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Also, what's happened to you is just testament to the fact that the right and more appropriate person is still awaiting you to cross paths with them.
Your ideal suitor is out there, but you've yet to meet.
Just look at this failed relationship, as a learning experience and a granting of another chance, to walk through that newly opened door and to finally meet the right person.
All the best!
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (16 February 2018):
You are wasting every moment of your life and your precious time awaiting anything of/from this woman that you once dated.
She isn't coming back, this i'm almost 110% certain of and even if she did, would you be naive, silly and desperate enough, to even give her one moment of your life and time, after what she did to you?
Chances are, those who do such things, wouldn't hesitate to do it again.
She has proven to be a very unappreciative, unreliable and in many ways, indecent person, because she dumped on you, without any prior warning.
You are a mature guy, so start getting your head together and come to realise and accept that what you're doing to yourself is totally insane and ridiculous.
You do not want to reach out to her, nor do you wish to hear from her, ever!
Do not try to contact her ever again.
You'll be wasting your time and only prolonging the pain.
She isn't worth your time and i can give you one huge guarantee.
What's my guarantee?
I'm a woman and i do know how we women work, both mentally and biologically.
When a woman breaks up with you, without any warning, nor goodbye whatsoever, this is because she didn't want to be with you anymore and she was certain about this, hence her move to leave you permanently.
She actually doesn't deserve you and you'd be much better off, giving your time, your love and everything else you have to give, to a much more loving, deserving and appreciative woman.
I personally think/feel that you're still looking for that closure and this is why it's so hard for you to let go completely and to move on positively, but you must accept that this was her choice, not yours, so there's nothing you can do about it, nor can you demand that she does give you the closure you're seeking.
Find/make your own closure by letting go and moving forward with your life.
If you're struggling with doing this, then i suggest you talk to your GP or a Counsellor about your feelings.
Just try to learn from this experience and be thankful that she did leave when she did, rather than marrying you, then divorcing you without warning.
That would be way harder to cope/deal with.
Or worse yet, if you'd both married and had children!
Thank your lucky stars, that you were spared any extra pain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2018): [EDIT]:
"You would still be broken-up and broken-hearted."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2018): What happened to you is called being "blind-sided." That typically happens without notice, and it's best to let go; because the person dumping you wants as little drama as possible. You're never prepared to be blindsided, it's a cowardly maneuver; but you have to respect it anyway.
I came to DC a few weeks after I got dumped. I didn't ask for advice, I just vented through writing articles. As I healed, I made fun of myself.
It was so odd that he suddenly dumped me. I was having the time of my life. We were traveling together, dating very regularly, and we got along without arguments or even minor disagreements. I did once find something creepy in his glove-box when I was getting my sunglasses; but I just dismissed it. I guess I reached my expiration-date, or my sell-by date was long-passed! It doesn't matter why? If he wanted out. So I moved on.
I was an emotional mess when I got dumped; and the shock lasted for days. Like you, my head was swimming and it was like everything was moving in slow-motion. I was told I "deserved someone better;" so maybe he thought I was shocked or disgusted by what I saw in the glove-box. Truthfully, it did upset me; but I just decided to pretend I never saw anything, and pushed it all to the back of my mind. I got blind-sided months later, however.
A lot of people put themselves through unnecessary agony begging for closure and demanding some explanation. It's best to just accept it for what it is. It is over!
Don't wish misfortune on anyone. You'd think it would make you feel better, but it won't. You would still be broken-up and broken-heated.
If you cared so much about her, seeing any bad luck or pain befall her sort of contradicts your love for her; and would tilt the negativity against you. She left you for X-reasons; but you wished her to suffer for it. You're suffering, only because you chose to drag it out! You refused to let your experience and maturity kick-in to get you through it. That's what I had to do. Get myself through it. Nobody is going to have that much power over my feelings. Although it was a kick in the balls and tore my heart out! Its like getting run-over by a train!
You're a mature gentlemen. You have grace and dignity that comes with age. You have experience and wisdom; and you've had your heart broken a few times before. It doesn't get easier to be rejected or to get your heart broken; but adults over 40 should deal with things better than people half our age. That's what all those challenges and obstacles in our past were preparing us for. Life!
Let go, and live on. Don't obsess over her or the past. She felt she had to go, and may have withheld her reasons; because she thought it might spare you some pain. I'm certain the reasons were more selfish; but lets give her benefit of the doubt. She may have been pretending, and just couldn't do it any longer. She knew you'd take it badly.
Some ladies set a dead-line for a proposal for marriage. Once it hits and passes, you hit the curb!
To put it simply. Man-up, deal with it, and move on to share your happiness with someone else. Nobody gets to hold your heart in the palm of their hand forever; unless you leave there.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 I can never understand how someone can just be in a relationship one day and then just ignore there partner for a year and not have the deceny to finish with them. If I was you I would be angry that someone I cared about didn't even have the guts to say good bye to me.
You say you didn't do anything wrong, but it is obvious the relationship was not working for her, only she has the reasons. It is nice to hear that you treated her special. But that was just not enough for her I am afraid. She did not want to be with you, and for whatever reasons she could not tell you so she up and left. I won't call you stupid because it is clear you still have feelings for her, and it is the cruelist way to be dumped. However it would be very silly for you to contact her. Do you think she cared about you when she decided to stop talking to you? The answer is no, if you contact her now she will just find a way to ignore you again. In return you will end up hurt even more than last time as you will have been rejected twice. I do understand that closure would be nice, but your intentions are to get her back and well it is clear she does not see you the same way you see her. It is okay to miss someone but I also think you need to accept that she is no longer your girlfriend and move on. Personally I don't believe in karma, the world works in funny ways, yes she hurt you a lot and that is the main reason not to allow her to do it to you again.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (15 February 2018):
Leave her alone. She wants nothing to do with you. That should tell you what she thinks of you and your relationship. It is well past time for you to move on.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 Are you the rose petal dance guy?
The answer is 'NO'. Apparently things weren't as great for her as they were for you, so she moved on, albeit in a cowardly way. Unless she did try to tell you but you were too oblivious to hear and understand what she was saying.
Contacting her again, after she has made it clear by her actions, would be pushy and possibly stalker-ish. So just leave her be.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (15 February 2018):
Each second spent chasing this woman from now until you stop is complete wasted time from your life that you will never get back. She isnt in to you, and that with overwhelming likelihood will stay that way for the foreseeable future.
Time is the most valuable commodity we have. I would trade it for a more fruitful investment.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 Are you a doormat?
You want her back because she rejected you. No one wants to feel rejected. What good would come from this? Do you think it would be different if there was a second time?
You need to get a grip man. There's billions of other women out there that would love the treatment you describe. So why not find someone who appreciates it?
This woman didn't even have the decency to break up properly as honeypie said that shows a lot about her true character. You didn't argue? Had fun? Yeah but she left you in the coldest way possible, so how are you still putting the positives above that?
Believe me, she doesn't care about what she did, don't waste your time contacting her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 February 2018):
 No, just no.
SHE ghosted you for a reason. Maybe you treated her like a queen but she might have met someone else whom she felt a better physical or otherwise connection. SHE made the choice to no even have the decency to DUMP you, even-though you treated her well.
THAT says a lot about her and HOW she saw your relationship.
IF you hope that she has been miserable without you and that YOU (by contacting her) will somehow rescue her from a bad relationship and a guy who DOESN'T treat her well - THEN you are mistaken. If she can ghost a guy who treated her well, she can ghost an asshat too. No doubt. Unfortunately Karma doesn't always work fast or at all.
You have made up this fantasy about her - how great a match she was etc. etc. BUT really.. LOOK at her actions?
She dumped you unceremoniously and cut all contact. SHE isn't looking to re-kindle ANYTHING with you.
For whatever reason, YOU weren't the one for her. She moved on. Accept that and move on yourself. Don't waste time on a fantasy, OP
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