A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 32 and single for nearly nine years. At this time of the year my loneliness feels suffocating and I’m finding it extremely difficult to cope with the fact that there is no telling whether I will spend the next nine years or more alone.Given my age, I am surrounded by married couples with and without children. I have many friends and not one of them is single.It is difficult in that no one knows what it feels like to be alone for so long and I have no one I can really talk to who can understand how sad I am always I have had dates and ‘flings’ over the years, but they have amounted to nothing. I am embarrassed to say that, with the help of a friend, I added up 7 encounters/dates/flings where I was the one rejected at the end.My friends say that I’m attractive, great company and funny. I’m not sure if they’re just being kind, and I still don’t know what I’m doing wrong.have no idea how to meet someone and I am almost obsessed with how couples have met each other and how they fell in love.I spend most days and weekends on my own because my friends are tied up with family things and I am not on a very high wage. I spend this time indulging in romantic films and books — the only way to have any enchantment in my life.I do not want to get into internet dating, it just isn’t me at all. It is the opposite of romantic and I have read too many horror stories.Also, it seems the free websites are where people mostly just want sex, and the more appropriate sites I have to pay and I just can’t afford it. This also goes for ‘trying new hobbies’ and ‘getting out there’. Everything costs money.I just feel so sad all the time. There are things couples do together that I feel I have missed out on after this long time.I’m also left off many invitation lists for dinner parties and group holidays because I don’t have a partner or I understand this may seem a moaning email you may not wish to print, but I would really appreciate some advice or even some words of encouragement/wisdom from someone impartial
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 I met both my ex and then my current boyfriend online on dating sites. Met many more perfectly normal and handsome men there too for dates. So give me a break with saying how its not you or how terrible it must be. Youre being judgmental, and online dating (and the people who use those sites) doesnt deserve it.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (16 February 2018):
It sounds like you are a homebody and expecting Mr. Right to find you there. Well, he never knocks on the door of your home. You find him outside of your home. There are a lot of good suggestions below as to where to find men. Engage in organized outdoor activities such as hiking...that's a great one for finding a partner. Go to the gym. There's nothing that builds your self-esteem as much as just looking good. Look at your wardrobe...men are very visual and wearing something sexy catches a lot of eyes.
Also, your attitude must turn more positive. The "poor me" attitude is a turn-off to men...it tells them that you're...well...a poor one for a relationship. And get into on-line dating...you may meet men who are not suited for you but that is life. There are certainly men on-line who would be a good match for you. And don't go at it half-heartedly...be aggressive in contacting men. You don't have to meet them but it'll open your eyes to see what they have to say. You get a whole list of guys and it can be a lot of fun. Don't just go up and knock on the door...kick that damn thing down and introduce yourself.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 You must firstly come, to the absolute realisation, that what you're currently doing, simply isn't working, so now, you must try a totally different tactic.
You should join local groups & many actually cost nothing.
Many are actually designed to bring like minded folk together.
You should get out more, EVEN IF YOU ARE SINGLE.
Just always remain safe and don't hang around dangerous/remote areas after dark and lock your car doors if/when you're driving.
I would strongly advise you, however, to sort out your own insecurities, personal emotions, before you even think of getting out there and meeting new people/men specifically.
As you'd know, any emotional baggage that you carry within you and bring into a new relationship, will quickly kill that new relationship.
Being in a relationship isn't everything though, because a relationship doesn't always bring you 100% happiness.
It only adds to your own level of inner happiness and remember, happiness is a state of mind.
What's most important is that you're happy within yourself, first and foremost.
A good, healthy and strong relationship is just an extra bonus.
You may have to work some overtime, if you're able to and join a local gym, or a local/paid hobby group of your own choice, in order to really get to meet some quality folk.
You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
If you truly wish to meet somebody special and get out more regularly, then you may just have to exit your comfort zone and try new things and as i mentioned prior, spend a wee bit of money and then you can really indulge in preferred activities.
You could also try connecting with a family member, a favourite relative, cousin or somebody who's still single and wouldn't mind hanging out with you.
Even if they're married, that's ok, you can ask, if you feel comfortable, as to whether or not, you can head out with them, from time to time.
Perhaps you could even try organising a high school reunion, whereby, you'd be re-connecting with all your old high school friends and who knows where those re-connections could take you??
If you enjoy walking, why not join a local walking group?
If you like painting, why not join a local painting group?
If you like talking to other like minded people, why not join a local social chat group?
You are single, so the obvious thing would be to join a local singles group.
Find out, from your local council, if there's an active singles group in your area.
I'm unsure where you live and/or what's actually available to you, via your local council, however, this would be a great starting point for you and it will definitely get you meeting new and interesting people.
Also, perhaps you could think about paying your GP a wee visit and chatting about how you feel.
Your GP is your first port of call, when you're feeling down, depressed, unwell, whatever and he/she is trained to assist you in this area of your life as well.
They may be able to steer you in the right direction and help you to help yourself.
Good luck and let me know how you go. :-)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2018):
 You are 32 not 82. It is time to realize you are still young with your whole life ahead of you. So get out there and make the most of it. You are never going to find happiness stuck at home with a romantic novel or film feeling sorry for yourself. If you want something then you need to go out and get it. If it is a man you want, well he is not just going to appear in your house is he?
You need to get out of the 'poor me' routine. Because the longer you stay there, the longer you will be unhappy. Just because your friends are not single, doesn't mean that they don't know what it feels like to feel sad or down. Having a partner doesn't automatically mean happiness. Why have you nobody to talk to? Just because you are single doesn't mean a married friend cannot understand you being lonely? Have you actually tried talking to friends?
Most couples meet in three ways, either through mutual friends, out on a night out or online dating.
So have a think have you no friends who have single friends? Surely you know someone single who you can get to know, maybe you have some neighbours, some guys from work. If you are religious there might be some guys at church. If you find that all you do in your spare time is watch romantic movies, then time to get out and live your life. Do some voluntary work. Go to the park. It doesn't need to cost money, but it is a great way of meeting new people. Join a group, the world is your limit?
Do you have a social life where you head out? If so come out of your comfort zone when out and be friendly to others you don't know.
You don't want to try online dating that is your choice, I know plenty of couples who have met online and who are still together a few years later. It really depends on how much you want a partner. I wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (15 February 2018):
All the time you spend wallowing over romantic books and movies now put into the gym, eating clean, and being outgoing.
If you do this, problem solved. If you dont, you will be making the same post next year.
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