A
female
age
51-59,
*SIA HURTS
writes:Hi I feel like I'm going crazy. I need some serious help. I'm in love with my childhood best friend. I've been in love with her since elementary school. Words can't describe how amazing she is. She is sweet, kind, compassionate, selfless, drop dead gorgeous, super intelligent, independant, sophisticated. I mean she is larger than life. She has the most uniquely beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They don't have just one color. They have many and I don't mean like hazel eyes. They are weird and metallic. Its hard to explain. One second they're sky blue then the next they're metal grey or emerald green or opaque. No joke she's turns heads and gets approached by lots of people no matter where she goes. Model agencies are after her but she either turns them down or doesn't follow through. She hates attention. Anyway we weren't in contact for years then we reconnected in 2010 and I confessed my love for her to her. I was shocked but elated that she was also a lesbian and we hooked up but my jealousy and insecurity over her pushed her away from me. I was a monster to her and I also hurt her physically over her refusal to reconcile with me. It is bigger than I'm sharing her. Anyway I paid the price and years later I can't get her out of my head. I want to contact her but she has a restraining order against me and even if she didn't she wouldn't have anything to do with me anyway. She has the biggest and most forgiving heart you can imagine but once she comes to her senses and stops denying how utterly abusive someone is to her she cuts them into a billion peices with her tongue, squashes them flat, walks forward and never acknowledges their existence again. I don't blame her for doing this to me because I did her so wrong. I am in love with this woman and I can never again have her. How do I move on? I hate myself for f#cking up the perfect love. Please help me PLEASE. I am hypnotized by visions of her wicked eyes made only of love.
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best friend, jealous, lesbian, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, human_male  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 I suggest you seek professional help as well.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (31 May 2013):
 I was the girl in your story once.I went through a similar experience when my ex and I broke up. He was physically and emotionally abusive with me for years and hurt me many times and was regularly unfaithful to me. When I finally left him, he became obsessed me and stalked me, stole my car and threatened both my life and my new boyfriend's life several times.At one point, I would see him drive by my place of work several times a day, even drive by my new place. I felt like I was trapped in my own home, like it wasn't safe for me to leave the house even to go to work.My poor boyfriend (now my husband) defended me against him when my ex finally snapped and came to the house with a gun, and told us that he was going to kill us both.I got a restraining order on him, but the only way I really felt safe and could truly move on with my life is when I moved LITERALLY across the country to get away from him.Leave her alone. You treated her like dirt, abused her and hurt her, you -DESERVE- to lose her. It's the only way you'll learn the lesson of not treating a person that cares about you like disposable trash. She deserves to move on with her life and be safe and happy. You are not a safe and healthy person to be with. LEAVE. HER. ALONE.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 If you have been physically abusive to her then you are a danger to her and the restraining order is not only justified, but necessary.
You have major issues and you need unravelling by a mental health professional. Obsessive jealousy is a very dangerous thing to live with and you are not thinking clearly or logically. You need help to overcome these serious issues you have and until those issues are resolved, you need to stay away from the object of your obsession, until you are well and able to see how dangerous the situation is.
Get help before you hurt someone or yourself...it is the only way to move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): You move on with the help of a professional OP because you're right you do sound batshit crazy.
The same kind of crazy that led her to get a restraining order put on you.
Go seek someone to talk this out with and help you come to terms with something which honestly sounds very obsessive.
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