A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaGuy
writes:Hey Cupids,Really need your help right now.To cut a long and complicated story short.Met a girl at uni, had a relationship, she broke up with me over the summer. She returned a few months later wanting a casual thing. I could'nt do that, but we continued to be friends and speak. A few weeks passed and she said she wanted to try again but needed some space to sort herself out but i should'nt lose hope for us. THe next couuple of weeks were good, we spoke on the phone all the time and she even sent me love letters! I felt as though we were going somewhere and i could see a future with her, and she said nothing to make me think otherwise.Now last night she was acting a bit strange, i cant remember how the topic arose but she ended up saying she does'nt want me in her life anymore and i should just forget about her and move on. She said she never cheated on me and i do belive her. This is an exact copy of what happened when she broke up with me for the summer, and when she returned asking if i wanted a casual fling. Twice this has happened and I still go back! She changes her mind so much its difficult for me, it feels like if i just wait for her to calm down she will come back to me - and Twice she has! even on the phone she told me "i'm going to regret this are'nt I" She said before "thank you for giving me another chance - i promise i wont hurt you"I dont know what to do, i feel totally and utterly destroyed again, i actually feel physically sick typing this. I dont know whether to break down into tears or pull my hair out with anger. Its such a raw feeling I just want it to stop. I feel stupid for doing this to myself again but she gave me hope and i belived her. I spent my entire summer feeling like my world had collapsed, only to have it rebuilt and broken again and again. Even now I hold a small thread of hope she might change her mind, she has done this to me before i think to myself jus let her return. I still care for her but i hate her for the way she has treated me. Thinking about all the little things she said to me, all the times we were romantic just make me want to cry. What should i do!!! I know what you will all say - move on the pain will subside etc. But i want her and nobody else right now, should i text her? See if she has calmed down? Call her later? She admits to having an unstable character and always has ups and downs, she also suffers from mild depression. This i knew before and was willing to work with and help her. I was always careful not to pressure her. This only adds to my confusion though, i think to myself just let her be for a while and she will come back to me. Maybe i'm my own worst enemy? I cant help my feelings for her though, i always treated her like a princess.Any advice or thoughts would be so much appreciated.I think this is the lowest i have ever felt.Thanks people.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): I know exactly how you feel. i loved this girl more than anything and it seemed like the better i treated her the more she pushed me away. then i wouldnt talk with her for a couple of months and she would randomly call saying she missed me. Ive tried breaking the cord and just staying freinds but everytime we start hanging out i fall for her again. the only advice i can give you is dont let her in your life anymore. dont answer her calls texts anything. i know its hard and maks you want to bash your head against the wall because you think that you can tell anything to her but youve gotta fight through it be strong because a few weeks of pain is alot better than a whole summer.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): Highly ironic, as this is exactly what I'm going through. I love her so much, but each and every time she dumps me, I feel like crap. She says that she loves me, and that she wants to be with me so much, but then just days later she says its not going to work out. For everyone that says simple to 'forget her,move on, she's mean' or whatever, it really isn't that easy. But to be blunt about it, she's using you. Chances are that she comes back whenever she's not feeling good, knowing that you'll always be there for her, and that you care for her. I wish I could tell you what to do, but in essence the only thing you can do is wait. If she wants back, you have to make the choice of letting her use you, or standing up to her and telling her how you feel. Hope that helps, and good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 JustaGuy, you will earn yourself a lot of her respect if you can stand your ground even if you love her that much. The value of not tolerating any abuse from her, not letting her reel you in, is exactly in overcoming your wish to talk to her. This is what you need to do. I wish you the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (23 October 2007):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Danielepew, eyeswideopen, terrifenby and anonymous.
Your advice does make perfect sense, i do feel she knows that she can reel me in at any time. I do want to show her that I am not to be played with but this is very hard for me. She is on my mind all the time and i cant shake her. For the third time she has shattered my heart without warning or remorse and this I do resent her for.
I am still tempted to call her but I know this just proves her point.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (23 October 2007):
I'm with good Eyeswideopen. This girl knows she has you, and she will play with you for as long as you let her. Surprise her this time: don't take her back and tell her she wasted her chances. That is, if she comes your way.
If you want to love someone like that, find someone who will love you like that, too. Don't settle for someone who uses you as a doormat.
Stand your ground and be brave. I understand the tears, but it is your actions that will do any good.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 I think it would be a bad idea to call her. If she wants to talk to you she will call. She probably feels she has you in her back pocket. Don't allow her to take advantage of your feelings.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (22 October 2007):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsurprisingly 'terrifenby', she actually said that to me. She said she knows I love her and i will always be there when she needs cheering up. And yes that tore my heart out.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (22 October 2007):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah me and andy already know each other :) although I hav'nt been on this site in a while.
Would it be a bad idea to call her?
...............................
A
female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (22 October 2007):
 this girl is playing with you, she knows that if she is ever lonely then you are there! i know this must be hard to hear but you do need to move on and foreget about her! a girl who can act like that is not worth it! and trust me i do know what she is doing because as you may guess i am a woman like her! take my advice move on
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 October 2007):
I think you need to email agony aunt Andy. You two have a lot in common.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): You made me cry, I feel your pain, I really do. She is the luckiest girl in the world to have someone love her like you do.I would give anything to be treated with so much love. You mentioned that she is mild depression and maybe she should talk to a doctor or to someone who can help. If she is suffering mild depression and it is not treated at an early stage it can turn out to be worst as the years roll by. These things can get from mild depression to manic depression and then to worst things. Maybe it is not as bad as I am thinking, but you two should definitely talk about this.if however it has nothing to do with these type of emotional problems, then make sure that she is not seeing other guys. I think that you should try to call her and talk to her, tell that you miss her and would like to talk to her , see what happens. I wish you good luck and hope that you two work out things soon.
...............................
|
