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female
,
anonymous
writes: Where to start? My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and are currently in the process of buying a house together. He has a son from his last relationship and his ex-girlfriend is still texting him all the time and clearly still has feelings for him and wants him back. We had some trust issues a while back when he had been spending time with another girl and I left him because of this. He swore to me nothing had happened and seemed genuinely upset. He pleaded for me to take him back and give our relationship another go as he knew he loved me and wanted to be with me. I believed him and we got back together.Things have been going fine between us but lately he has shown very little interest in sex which is not at all like him. This aroused my suspicions and I know I shouldn't have but I checked the messages on his mobile and there were texts from his ex talking about herself in sexy underwear and also some from him to her asking her to come round one day "even for 15 minutes". Presumably he wasn't planning on talking for 15 minutes.I just don't know what to do, I love him but it would kill me if he had cheated on me with his ex. I need some advice!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Honesty, is the best policy in any relationship, you need to tackle this issue immediately, ask him about the text messages, ask him if he is having sex elsewhere! be prepared for an honest answer.
Advise him that you have more self worth and if this continues you will not tolerate it.
Tell him you undersatnd that he has a child to his ex and whilst you condone that some communication will be required you cannot tolerate the sort of communication that has taken place by text recently.
If he is not prepared to talk to you in an open and honest way, then you have your answer, lets be honest you have been together for 2 years and you are about to take a huge step in buying this house together.
Perhaps all he needs is a slight reminder of how much he means to you! tell him your thoughts and concerns as your future together is important. Steer him in the right direction.
My advice would be "Dont let him take you for granted" you deserve the truth! and life is to short to be led a merrydance! It would be better to know the truth rather than letting the "what if's" spoil your future.
Good Luck and Kindest Regards
Aunt Adelaide
A
female
reader, lovestough +, writes (14 November 2006):
trust is a hard thing to have in any relationship. especially in your case as your partner has a child. he will always be in contact with her and that may prove hard for you to accept. ofcourse you will worry that he might go back to her. ask him about the txts, she maybe still loves him and is trying to split you up but that does not mean he feels the same. just be honest with him. tell him if he loves you he has to stop txting her and just contact her about the child. if he has cheated then walk away and find happiness somewhere else. just tell him you want the truth.
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A
male
reader, drahcir +, writes (14 November 2006):
My dear,I'm a guy and i fully understand the situation he's in; its not easy at all. Truth be told, he's back with his ex. But at the same time he doesnt want to loose you.What to do? confront him, let him know that you know! show a great deal of understanding. tell him you'll give him the space and time he needs to make up his mind. Also, make you you clearly state that if he's coming back to you, there'll be no attachments with anyone else, it will be you and you alone. that way he comes back to you at your own terms.if he doesnt come back to you, then he truly is still very attached to his ex, and that will save you alot of hurting because you let him go and not the other way round.Hope my response is helpful enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): If you want this relationship to be anything then you are going to have to take the bull by the horns. Ask him outright just what he is playing at.Ask him if he still has feelings for his ex. They have a son together so there is going to be some communication (worse luck) but it should be kept to a minimum. Only basic kids stuff. Have a chat (or several) and point out that you are not too chuffed with him being so close or chatty with his ex. Say that you want her pushed more into the back ground.
Can you mention that you have read the texts? If so, then confront him and ask for some explanation. Tell him if he want you two to work then this has to stop right now. If not, then try not to let it eat away at you.
If your suspicions are found to be true then you have to ask yourself can you go on like this. Personally i would want to walk away and get out of the triangle. I've been in a similar situation before and i got out. Sorry, that is probably not what you want to hear. I just wore me down. I felt a lot better once i got away.
Please take care and i hope you can resolve this situation. Not all exs are bad.
xx
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