A
male
age
36-40,
*ookie001
writes:I am a very happliy married guy, 2 years married but we have been together for 6, We had a tough few years to begin, with and went to councling and were both very happy with the result, but now i met this other girl, who i dont know and dont want to know, but i thought about her for a few days, i was confused and didnt say anything, and the thoughts soon passed. But then a few weeks later i saw her again, and i was the same, very attracted to her, and i didnt want to feel that way, i only want my wife, so i told her the next day, (really badly i might add, because i didnt know how to say it, i just blurted out that i thought about sleeping with her) and now she hates me, and I am totally mortified, she is as well, and i dont know what to do about it. Any advice would be great! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, pookie001 +, writes (2 November 2010):
pookie001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHELLO, this is the wife in question. I think he left out a few things, like the fact that he has treated me horribly over the years because he knew that he was the only one for me and that it would take a hell of a lot of shit to make me abandon this life ive shared with him for a quarter of my entire life. i've been called pathetic, been told he has no respect for me, been verbally abused over and over by his parents while he watched and often agreed, for over a year he would outright reject me every single time i propositioned him to sleep with me, flat out no, and no matter how much i cried or pleaded for an explanation he did NOTHING to sort it out, explained nothing. i finally forced him to counselling where since someone other than me told him he needed to shape up and he said he was so sorry and begged for once more chance to make things right. then he started speaking to me nicely, occasionally giving me lifts places, getting his card out when i went to pick something up from a shop. even just the fact he spoke to me nicely and started sleeping with me sometimes made me so much happier. but then, the other day, after a halloween party where i dressed up as sexily as i could for him, he told me that this other girl looked so hot and he wanted to 'fuck the shit out of her'. so fuck him if he's gonna make it seem like he treated me properly and made one honest mistake. its my fucking fault for staying with him again and again every time he did something horrible to me, but fucking get the situation right.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 This happened with friends of ours a while ago. Even though they're quite a bit older than you it still hurt her to hear it.
Look, this happens to everyone at one time or another. You acknowledge the feeling and move on. And you don't tell your partner about it, which I think is the lesson you've learned here.
Right now she's hurt. If your relationship is basically sound, and if you make it abundantly clear that you have honoured your marriage vows, and fully intend to honour those vows in the future, she'll eventually forgive your bit of mis-applied honesty. Particularly after the next time it happens to her, and she realizes just how meaningless it is.
In the meantime you have a lot of sucking up to do.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Set up a time where you two can agree to sit and talk about what happened. I'm sure your thoughts of this other woman hurt your wife, so you need to overcome that pain with her. When you say you feel like sleeping with another girl, your wife, I'm sure, felt as if she is inadequate in your view. Sit and talk with her, and make sure you use a lot of validation wording toward your wife when you do.
...............................
A
female
reader, LaDiabla13 +, writes (2 November 2010):
I know you wanted to be honest but maybe some things are on a need to know basis. She probably thinks you were GOING to cheat, instead of just honestly saying you found another woman attractive.
Explain it to her the way I did and you may be all right
...............................
|
