A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a college student who has come from the UK to America, and I just don't know what to do romantically. I am rather anhedonic, so I have difficulty just relaxing and having fun with women. I'm not good at all at social banter or small talk.There is one girl I really like who's really fun-loving and excitable; but I just don't know how to do anything other than talk to her as a friend, and in kind of an uptight way too. I really want to ask her out, but I don't know where to go, or how to ask, and even if I went on a date with her, I just don't have the flirting gene. I'm just incapable of anything other than quite serious conversations. She is very social and very excitable with her friends, none of whom (of course) I know; however, she is also smart and talks to me quite seriously when we do meet. She also mentioned one time just needing to spend most of her day alone (not as a brush-off, but talking about her weekend), so I wonder if she has deeper interests.I actually have quite romantic feelings and impulses; unfortunately, I can't really express them in any kind of normal context. I've been thinking about asking her to a play or a film, or a concert: something which I can talk about quite emotively. The thing is, this still wouldn't deal with my inability to do small talk, and why would she come if I don't have a casual relationship already? I only see her twice a week, absent accidental run-ins, as we're in the same class. Apart from any advice as to my general situation, which would be greatly appreciated, a big question (or set of questions) would be this:Given all of my, uh, issues, how can I get to know her in a better way than talking to her on the way back from class? Where should I ask her? Should I ask her? What are the preconditions for asking her out to any different place in any different way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): you just have to be honest with her tell her how you feel about her and about how difficult it is for you to just open yourself up to her. Don't assume anything because you might push her away and try not to . Just be yourself she might actually like the fact that you're different.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 November 2010):
Hi there. Just relax and be yourself.
Most relationships start out as friends, then over time and you find some common ground and interests, it develops from there.
Perhaps you could ask her to see a show or a movie that you both like.
The main thing is that you keep the lines of communication open. Make the the most of the time you do actually see each other, even if it is just between classes. It's a start. And you have to start somewhere.
Talk about anything and everything -
- The weather
- How was her last class (did she enjoy it?)
- What did she do on the weekend?
- Has she seen any good movies lately?
- Has she read any good books lately?
- Her likes and dislikes.
- What type of music does she like?
Anything at all really. Just relax. Talk about whatever interests you. Find out what interests her as well. It's a good start.
Just don't try too hard, because it will stand in the way.
When you do come to a point over time, where you want to ask her out, just make sure you have some privacy when you do. Just pick your times. Make sure none of her friends are standing with her at the time.
In any case, once you started making your way over to her, they would take that as a hint to leave anyway. So there wouldn't be a problem.
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