A
female
age
41-50,
*sian
writes:Well do you think i'm wrong to have told my spouse that i don't want this child that he has gotten outside our home near my child.I told him that i know the child is innocent to what he and the child's mother has done but due to there disrespect i wish for my child to be kept away from her until she is old enough to make her own decision on whether or not she would like to meet her Reply to this Question
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female
reader, asian +, writes (31 March 2009):
asian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all those who have responded to my question.. I know there is a place in my heart for this child due to the love i have for my partner.. but i guess only time will let me relly welcome the idea of both kids being apart of each others lives
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Hi
Your resentment is understandable HOWEVER NOT JUSTIFIED in my opinion. You know that the child is innocent....you are denying both children the love of a brother sister relationship. Why not let love win and look forward to having an extra little soul join the family. Us ADULTS often end up causing a cycle of pain....because WE were hurt...it does not have to be this way...if we break the cycle and turn the bad to good.
I hope things get better for you...and i do understand how hard this must be...but always remember you were once a child too.
via con dios.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): sorry, i think i misunderstood the original question when i responded earlier. Although my views in the previous post remains I just need some clarity:
This other child is from your husband's previous marriage? When did you marry him? Was he married to the other woman when the other child was conceived. I am now very confused.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): i think you are still very angry and hurt by your husband's betrayal. Is this clouding your judgement? Only you know what your husband and this woman has put you through. If there is only a 1 month age difference between your child and the other child it means that your husband was intimate/ having sex with you and this woman at the same time.
I would rather you work through the emotions regarding this other child than have this child in your presense and "illtreat"/resent the baby. Your negative approach will affect this child and your own child. You need to be fair to this child but unfortunately right now you cannot. I do not expect you to be a martyr in this situation, but you accepted your husband after the affair. So perhaps in time you can accept this child.
Regarding your child, when the time is right she needs to know that she has a half sister. You know kids are more accepting than adults so perhaps your child will react differently. I think you hold the key to this situation. Your child will be guided by your actions/moods/emotions over this child.
How did your husband react to your decision not to have anything to do with this child? A child borne out of infidelity is still an innocent result, it is not their fault but as adults we lash out at them because it is a constant reminder of the infidelity. However accepted and i hope you forgave your husband for his indescretion, but why not acknowledge this child. This child's mother, yes she AND your husband disrespected you and your marriage but your husband is still accountable for this child. I hope that in time you heal and accept this child and not blame her. It is a very difficult situation. You can rise above this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): No matter what your husband did, this other child is your child's blood and no matter what, will be in some way, part of her life.
It is up to you to decide whether that is sooner or later.
Also I think it's more than likely if, your spouse is going to be a man and be responsible for this other child, that they'll come into contact.
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A
female
reader, asian +, writes (30 March 2009):
asian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to clarify so my question is well understood this child came about while my spouse and i have been togther and she was born one month prior to my daughter .
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 If I understand your post correctly, your husband had a child with another woman. I am not sure whether this happened BEFORE you were married, or after marriage.
If it happened before, then you are being selfish. Wear his shoes: would you like him to tell you that a child of yours could not be allowed into his home?
If it happened while you were married, I understand your reaction. However, bear in mind that the two kids are innocent, and they will meet someday. Be careful in laying the blame on the person who really is to blame, that is, your husband, not a child who is innocent of having come to exist.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): That is your choice as you are her mother, if you feel that meeting her half-sister is going to harm her in some way then you are doing the right thing.
If you're doing this to punish your spouse for his disrespect then you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
Above all do what you feel is best for your daughter, not what's easiest.
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A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 I think they should meet.. I mean what kind of harm is it doing to have a child meet their half-sibbling?
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