A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice on my marriage.This month i will be married for 4years, we have 2 children 2 1/2 and 10 years. I have caught my husband plenty of times where he will sit and watch porn on the internet and also masturbate to it and every now and then when he thinks i am asleep will go to the bathroom and masturbate. As far as i can think of there is nothing wrong with our sexlife. I even bought some kinky sex accessories and dvd's to help make it fun. Nothing seems to work, to get him to stop. It is affecting my feelings and trust in him, as i have told him before. He promised not to do any of those things again, but he stil is. I just cant go on like this. The trust i have left in him is minimal. I told him that i wanted a divorce, but he refused. I thought i will get over this but clearly i cant.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Didn't see your update.. thank you for at least trying to stay and work on your marriage.
No one can force a man to give up pornography, but there are ways to help him to cut down as he finds more exciting things in life to do. Here are some suggestions that might help.
Talk to him honestly about your sex desires and what pleases you in bed, and things you hate. Ask him to do the same, and be honest about what sex acts he likes to do. Listen and talk with an open mind, no judgement and don't be shocked or hurt by anything he tells you, this is time for honesty and getting closer in marriage.
Try to arrange to do more things outside the house. Fun things as a family, fun things just you two together. Help remind him that marriage is fun and you can laugh and be young, happy and carefree.
Start looking at ways to please him in a romantic way. Bring him some flowers. Write love notes and put in his clothes, in his bag and in his shoes. Find ways to surprise him and make him smile when he thinks about you.
Try to give him some space, so he can have time alone to do things he likes to do. This might involved pornography, but it could be sports or music he is listening too. Assume that this is what he is doing, leave the man alone to do what pleases him. A policy of "don't ask, don't tell, don't sneak arround watching him because then you will find things that hurt and upset you.
Of course you must do the same. Take some woman's time to just do your thing. It might be watching a romantic movie that makes you cry, it might be doing your hair nice, having a nice bath, or masturbating alone. It's your private time, do what pleases you most. And once again it a case of "don't ask, don't tell", what you do with your private time is your own business.
Kiss him every day, and find something nice to say about him. Hopefully he should get the hint and say something nice about you.
He may masterbate because it helps him sleep. Try to masturbate or have oral sex with him to help him relax. Do a sex act for him and ask nothing in return. This might make him think of you when he wants to relax and then he might not need the porn.
Dress up in sexy clothes to do the dishes or clean the bedroom.. Then don't let him touch you at all.. just let him watch you as you move... This usually drives a man crazy. It's like he's got his own personal porn show at home.
Some suggestions to make married life more fun, happy and sexy. It won't make him stop, but it might help him to cut down. I wish you and your husband good luck. Don't sweat about the small stuff, sometimes just let them go, they are not worth the bother they cause. Keep your eyes on the main prize, which is to give and receive love, and have laughter and joy in a happy home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi All!!Thank you so much for all your advice and opinions. I appreciate them all. Allthough my situation is alot more than only this problem, there is other things as well, but I have decided to stay and give it another shot. For the kids sake. For those who said i probably only want the answer "just leave him" etc. that is not what i wanted. I wanted honest opinions. Anyways, thanx again all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): don't split your marriage away and ruin your kids life because your husband masturbate he's just relaxing and it's not about you and pleasing him in the bed don't rush your self
good luck
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A
female
reader, Lulu_bud  +, writes (4 March 2010):
I can see how you might be upset if he won't listen to you and if you feel like you don't trust him but everyone masterbates. Like I mean if he does it so much that it bothers you maybe you should have sex more.
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A
male
reader, link2067  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 To be completely honest, it starts with him. Porn and masturbation is very very addicting. It forms a habit that relates the males sexual and mental pleasure to what he sees on the screen. This does not repeat itself in real life. And the real life feeling of sex and the sexual fantasy of watching porn and masturbating is confused. The only way that things will change is if he stops. He will then begin to relate the sexual and mental pleasure back to your sexlife. The solution is not difficult, but the process it does take time, and sometimes even counseling. If he wants to make your marriage work he will continue to try, but he will need help to break the hold that the addiction has on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): He's a horny guy, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He has a great, vivid imagination, and is very healthy, if he feels that in tune with his body. You'll never take that away from him by divorcing or arguing with him. If you feel that takes away from what he gives to you in life, then leave him. There's no sense in trying to talk someone into the idea that masterbation and temptation are a fact and reality of everyone's lives. If you're not happy with him..and trust me, you won't change his porn watching, masterbating times in life, then leave him. I know you'll pretend this was a poor answer, but you know that inside, it's you who has issues to deal with, not him, and you know you came here expecting to hear that it's bad what he does, but you won't get that, unless they just tell you that he should do it when you're not around. It's healthy to fantasize and masterbate, as long as you don't go out looking for sex somewhere else, when you're together. No matter how much you argue it, TV, internet, and magazine porn are just that...porn, which is a form of entertainment, not cheating. If he was being intimate with someone online or through the phone, and you didn't like that, it would be cheating, but porn isn't cheating, and therefore, isn't hurtful, unless you have issues to fix within yourself, causing you to view them as such. In the end, noone will change how you think, though, except you, so you'll always feel it's wrong until you can learn to accept the fact that you married him and that's how he rolls. Until then, you'll probably just argue with anyone here or anywhere else who tries to tell you to accept it, and live happily with your horny husband.
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A
female
reader, brigid.imagine  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 As far as i can see, you've been making a real effort to change his ways. But why not try to meet him halfway?
It was wrong of him to say he wouldn't do it anymore and then continue to do so. However,most males,even when in a relationship,masturbate or watch porn.But it doesn't mean he loves you any less or isn't turned on by you.
Please put it in perspective,atleast he isn't cheating on you!Is it worth breaking up a family over?
You need to be honest and clear with him,and yourself, about why you're hurt.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Men don't watch porn because there is something wrong with your sex life. They watch it because they are visual creatures. I myself like watching porn, so does my boyfriend. We watch it by ourselves and sometimes with each other. I have no issues whether he's jacking off to shemales or gangbang, and he doesn't get jealous that some other guy's cock is bigger than his. There is nothing to do with him wanting to join in the act in the movie, or finding other girls outside of the relationship. Porn movies are just like other kinds of entertainment. It's your fear you have to get over. Be kinky, gentle, submissive, whatever you like at the moment, not because you want him to stop porn, but simply because you love him. I suggest you to rethink because you said he watches it every now and then, he doesn't sound like he's addicted to it, like someone addicted to drugs. You can't control his every move. Tell him it's hard for you to get to sleep when you think he's sneaking into the computer room again. It will be such a pity if the kids see you breaking up over this. I hope that speaking from an open minded woman, you would change your perspective on porn watching, which is pretty harmless in my opinion. The fear is all in your head.
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A
female
reader, thrupence +, writes (4 March 2010):
hi, i think that its normal for a man to masturbate, but excessivly now thats a different story, he could be an addict of porn, do you share the porn, or is he selfish and keeps it for himself.
have you heard of pc pandora, google it you will be pleasently surprised, you may be able to find out if there is anything more to it.
dont do anything rash yet. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Hun sorry but you cant tell him to stop masturbating? Its just masturbating its not like he is sleeping around!! This is ridiculous you expect him to stop?! Thats kind of like saying if you dont stop masturbating than I am not going to have sex with you?
He does not expect you to stop masturbating if you do?! Its his penis he can do what he wants to it and with it! You dont own him! You have your sexual needs he has his so you cant tell him to stop.
Again thats just wrong to tell him not to masturbate.
And if you want a divorce dont get one just because of that.
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