A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I went on a 4 month trip to Europe without my girlfriend of 5 years. Before I left we decided to stay together, but during the trip we spoke on the phone and I told her that I didn't care if she kissed somebody as long as it was just a kiss. I don't know why I said this, I think I was trying to get her to say that it would be ok if I did the same. I knew that I wanted to be with her forever, but I thought that it would be cool if she let me kiss other girls. She said that she had no interest in kissing anybody else, and that she just wanted me to come home. The next time I talked to her I realized that it was a really stupid thing to do, and I tried to take it back. I'm not sure how clear I made it. A few days later I sent her a very mean and rude email where I said some very mean things about her family. I was totally out of line, and I really wish I hadn't sent it. I guess that night she went out with friends and had a lot to drink. Her single friends had been pushing her to kiss someone since I said she could. She told a guy about what I had said and later in the night he grabbed her and kissed her. She kissed him for a while and then realized she didn't want to be doing it pushed him away and left crying. When I came back from my trip she told me what happened. I had kissed people while we together (always stopped before anything more happened) in the past, but she had never done this to me. I have been heart broken ever since. I realize that I never should have given her the idea that this was ok. I also realize that I should have never done anything like this to her in the past. My friend thinks that I put her up to a challenge and that she did it to prove to me that I can't walk all over her. I feel like I was cheated on, but then I remember that I have done this to her in the past, and that I gave her the impression that this was ok. Should I forgive her? Did she cheat?
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male
reader, Lupé  +, writes (10 March 2010):
you screwed, that's 100% cheating. how can you kiss other girls while going out with her, telling her you love her. while you were kissing her, she was maybe thinking about how lovely you were. then, allowing her to kiss another person is another proof that you don't love her. she probably did it just because of that, because she doesnt feel loved. i would tell her to leave her. not because she won't forgive you, only because you don't love her enough. and i don't know her, but no one deserves that. nowadays, everyone feels the need to 'enjoy' life because we only have one. what i would have to reply to that is simply this : you said it, you only have one life to live. don't screw it up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): This girl deserves better than that. I'm sorry to break this to you but you really messed up. If you want to save the relationship... don't do that again. Seriously what were you thinking?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): You both are in a relationship...committed to each other for 5 years. Some people would view kissing another as cheating...some would not. what's important is what you think. But...if you think she cheated, because she kissed one guy, then you cheated numerous times on her, didn't you.
Listen, if you want to make this 'kissing incident' the wedge that will ultimately devastate a 5 year relationship then we can't stop you. But if you can view your gf with a bit more respect, grow up, act mature and stop playing games, you both can carry on without any heartache. You do appear to be so insecure and quite manipulative...so I would say, these is your problems, you own it all, hun.
My suggestion: Just forget about it. Move on and don't ever bring this up. You purposely laid a trap, by telling her she could kiss anyone, then you were cruel to her and she checked out some competition. So what. Get over this and carry on. But let me say, if you cherish her...stop playing these game, start respecting her and treat her well...or you will lose her.
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A
female
reader, always.you +, writes (11 June 2009):
 No she didnt cheat because you told her she could. Altough she shouldnt have anyways that was a dumb move on her part but you can tell she felt bad about it. You have also said that you did it in the past so my question is how can you not forgive her? Ecspecially when you want to be with her the rest of your life. This is a small obsticals of the many too come.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Wow!!! This story is a loaded one. First off, you gave her permission! And the fact that she left crying says that she obviously didn't like kissing other people. She felt bad for it. The fact that YOU wanted permission to kiss other people while you were gone is just messed up. You shouldn't be with this girl if you are willing to do that with other girls. People may say 'it's just kissing', but it's a still a sexual gesture. Or else why would we like kissing so much?
Does she know that you have actually kissed other girls? I'm assuming she does, and now you know how she might feel. Cheated on. Feels horrible, doesn't it? Maybe it'll stop you from doing that in the future. I honestly don't think you have a healthy view on relationships, thus the both of you shouldn't be in one. That poor girl! She'll now think that your significant other macking on other girls is normal if she's ever with another bloke.
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