A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to randomly switch sexual orientations against your will after 20 years of being a genuine heterosexual? I've been kinda paranoid about this because i've begun to have quite a bit of gay fantasies lately, and they interrupt my hetero fantasies and they make me orgasm faster, but I hate them, and and they make me feel dirty and depressed. I do not have any emotional feelings for other men, i can't imagine kissing another man. But in these fantasies, I there are never faces on the people i fantasize, about about, which ironically, are usually clones of myself, there is only the sex, sometimes they don't even have heads. I've always loved women sexually, since i was 6 years old, and i've been in a few relationships with women and was totally satisfied with them. This unpleasant turn turn of events has left me, constantly anxious, although I have had anxiety issues in the past. So, back to my original question, is it possible for your brain to just... change directions after 20 years? Is it my mind being bored of the same masturbation techniques? I'm actually really worried about this, because to be honest, I don't want to be gay, i don't care if other people are, i just don't want to be. Is it normal for straight men to have fantasies like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the words of advice. I noticed today that my sexual fantasies during masturbation go through "fads" for lack of a better word. sometimes it's celebrities, sometimes, asian women, then black women, then women i know. I guess this clone of myself thing is a fad as well...
A
female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (11 June 2009):
If these are just fantasies and you have no need to act out on it or wish to try them out, then they are just fantasies, not unexpressed desires it would seem. What is interesting is that the men in your fantasies resemble yourself and so this could be some sort of masturbation type fantasy where you are the outsider looking in at yourself. You are probably single and bored with masturbating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I don't know what your upbringing was like, but for some of us, all we were ever told was that sex was 'dirty.' And that has a way of working its way into your fantasies, for whatever reason.
I went through the same thing -- found that the most powerful effect with masturbation fantasies was something that was dirty and forbidden. Used to feel like crap afterward, too.
Don't sweat it. Fantasies are just that -- something that goes on in your head, nothing to do with the real world. It's just your mind helping you to get off. Chill -- doesn't sound like you're going to go looking for a pillow to bite any time soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Relax, I get turned on when I read incest stories, and it finds it's way into a lot of my fantasies. In fantasy... nice, in practice ICK. It sounds like the same for you.My favorites are brother and sister... and I don't even HAVE a sister!It's a novelty. What we see as forbidden and wrong can be erotic.And from your history... worst case you're bi. If that's the case you can just be with girls.Don't sweat it.My guess... you're not even that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): From how you describe yourself you are not gay. With the prevelance of gay porn and so much talk about sex among the same sex, it wouldn't surprise me if you on occasion have these type fantasies. I don't think it means anything except that you may be bored or loney or anxious and are kind of purposely trying to push the envelope a bit about what you need to be turned on.
If it really bothers you, you may be suffering from some anxiety disorder or depression and you can get treatment for that, but I wouldn't think that your fantasies are the root of the problem, I think your anxiety is.
So go see a doctor for a physical if you haven't had one in awhile and speak to him about your anxious repetitive thoughts, you don't have to be real specific just say that you feel you can't control some of your repetitive thoughts and it feels uncomfortable and makes you feel anxious and see if he can't recommend a course of therapy for you, either drug or combination of drug and relaxation or even therapy.
But no, you aren't gay, you would have had those urges around the age of 13 or even younger, so relax about all that. You know what you are, you are a heterosexual...with some fantasies that are in your head where fantasies belong!
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