A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:okay story is right i was with a girl 6 years right but i wasn't into her anymore so like i broke up with her and then she told me she was pregant but like i was seening a new bird at the time. so i told her to forget it if she thinks i was going to get back with her well anyways after that she told me to get lost. so the baby born and i want to be part of it but she saying no cos the baby needs a proper dad. so if i can't be part of the family unit she saying get lost. i told her i had rights but she laught saying they went out the window when i dumped her 10 months pervoius. also i say i turn up and i don't. i see the baby an hour every three days and still me ex is cribbing the baby needs a daddy. what can i do? like do i have rights if so where can i get the uinformation so i can stick it to the bitch?......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): To be honest it seems as though your baby is being used as a weapon by both of you in this!! The fact that she says you have no rights is ridiculous but the fact that you say you want to "stick it to the bitch" makes me think your more bothered about "winning" this argument or getting one over on your ex. In my opinion neither of you are being the nest parent you can to this baby! if you genuinely want to be part of your babies life then you need to sit down with your ex and a mutual professional such as a lawyer or someone who knows the ins and outs of this kind of thing! you should try and work out a schedule when you are to see your baby that suits both you and your ex. you shouldn't be together because clearly that is not what is best for either of you or your baby! You need to make sure that you and your ex both contribute equally to your babies upbringing i.e. child support each week to help towards baby food and nappies etc. you should also make sure that you are on time for each time to see your baby and you are to stick to agreed times and days! Until you and your ex can be selfless and mature enough to work this out properly between yourselves i think the kindest and safest thing for the baby would be to involve a professional as i said before.Hope you manage to get things sorted! x
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Quite simply - seek legal advice.
Have a read of this - http://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/Articles/Unmarried-Couples/Unmarried-fathers-paternity-rights.aspx
This article says that you dont actually have any rights unless you are named on the birth certificate. If you are on the certificate then you still need to seek legal advice - if she is stopping you from having access there will be steps you need to take to ensure she gives you access.
However if you are not on the birth certificate, you can still get something called a parental responsiblity agreement which legally gives you rights to your child. Again, you will need to speak to a lawyer about this.
Try searching around online for more information and a family lawyer in your area who will be able to help.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Frankly, I do understand why your ex said that your rights have gone out of the window 10 months ago. I mean, you left her and you didn't care that she was pregnant coz there was a new bird in your life.If I was the girl, you will never see even a strand of my baby's hair. Anyway, ask yourself if this issue is only about knowing your rights so you can stick it to the bitch. It doesn't end there sorry. As you may have the rights but it comes also with responsibility. Also, wrong motives will lead you nowhere and if your motive here is to just prove you are right about your rights, think again please. This is a child's life we are talking about and if your child will grow up witnessing the fights between you, his parents, you are not helping him but you are ruining his life.Consult a lawyer or whatever service your community provides for cases like this but please prove to them you are a worthy father.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): You have a choice: you can make a friendly arrangement with your ex; or your lawyer and her lawyer can negotiate the future care of your child, including maintenance payments and access arrangements. The majority of a suburban lawyer's work is family issues such as this.
Whatever choice you make, entering the process with a view to "sticking it to the bitch" isn't going to get you anywhere. A friendly arrangement is the better choice, but you're hardly going to get that if you have a hostile attitude. A court's interest is in the welfare of the child, much less so in satisfying any of your hurt feelings.
You might want to ask a mutual but older friend to act as the "referee" so the two of you can talk in a fair fashion. And so reach an arrangement through discussion, rather than both getting sucked into a shouting match.
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