A
male
age
30-35,
*3puremage1
writes:The girl that I love who went out with another guy had asked me to tell her everything (she knows that I love her). She doesn't know what is everything and what I mean by everything is... a lot of bad things about her boyfriend.I have been trying to avoid to tell her this for like two weeks and until today I told her everything. I knew she would be unhappy to know but she asked to know it so I have decided to tell her everything which is stupid.At the start the atmosphere was still alright but later it started to turn bad and ambiguous. Now she said this has ruined our friendship. Everything I told her was from a friend perspective not from a person who loves her.What can I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (21 January 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI still can't figure out what made me to make that decision at that time. I knew she would not chose me because of that.
I just wish she can forgive me and I will just let other problems to sort themselves out.
I used to be a really bad guy who had done a lot of bad things but I started to change like 20 months ago. The process was challenging and difficult. I just felt like God is punishing me for all the bad things I had done in the past and there seems to be no ending of the punishment.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 A letter sounds good, then leave it at..let her decide what to do with. You can only say you're sorry once, then it's her choice whether she's going to accept the apology or not.
Hey don't beat yourself up for it, you had her best interests at heart. You're only human for making mistakes, you know better next time. In fact, you sound like a great friend..someone I would have loved to have as my friend when I was in high school.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (20 January 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advise again.I really appreciate your help.
I have written a formal letter for apologize and waiting for reply. All i hope is she will forgive me and everything turned back to like the past.
I just wish I didn't do this stupid thing
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 January 2011):
That paints a better picture when you tell the whole story and don't leave anything out. So it's a little bit of her fault, because she wanted you to tell her. A lot of it is your fault, because you wore your feelings on your face and then told her about these bad things. In which, might not be true because you've only witnessed a little more than a quarter of these bad things. The rest is secondhand from another source, hearsay, in which you're a teen everyone is going to talk crap and get the real story distorted. Ever heard of that telephone game? Exactly like that. So she's dating an annoying guy..I understand where you want to protect your friend. But with you and this girl there is a very fine line between telling her as a friend, and telling her as a guy who is in love with her.
Now damage control, I suggest you apologize and plead your case as best as you can. If she doesn't accept your apology then there's no sense in trying to beg her to forgive you..It's best to move on. Very, very hard to try to keep it as friends when you love your friend.
For future reference, don't interfere with your friend's relationship. If you find out bad information about your friend's significant other, you keep it to yourself. It's not your place to tell her, she will eventually find out on her own if it's true.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (20 January 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not a very "open" person and hides a lot of feelings and other things from other people. Most of my time, I chose to swallow everything.
She knew that I was upset so she tried to help me out but I was really upset because the guy she chose is an annoying person in school.
She asked to know everything but she did not know it was some bad things about her boyfriend. I guess she thought it would be my personal feelings.
All the things I told her on 35% based on my observation and 65% based on secondary information such as things that I heard. I know secondary information are often out of date and not accurate but I have been hearing these kinds of things for more than two months and I believe what i heard is true in reality. Btw even the teachers think this guy is annoying.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 January 2011):
Let's get the story straight, did you voluntarily tell her these bad things or did she make you tell her? Were you like "I heard some bad things about your boyfriend"? And you witnessed these bad things or did you hear them from a source?
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (20 January 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advise.
To be honest, I have been think to apologize to her since I was the one who started it and she did not know I was going to tell bad things about her boyfriend. I don't mind to take the blame since I can't get any worse.
I guess she is angry with me is because she knows that I love her and she assumes I am trying to break her relationship. I would not blame her for that.
Everything I told her was from a close friend perspective not from a person who loves her.
I just don't want her to be upset in her life.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 January 2011):
Dear, this is not your fault. She's making you think that!
She was the one who made you tell her this info, even if you didn't tell her she would still be pissed at you. It doesn't matter if you don't want to lose this friendship, she told you it's ruined. It's done with. Maybe she'll come around, give it some time.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (20 January 2011):
83puremage1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I just done something really stupid. First, I don't want to lose her as a friend and second this basically turn my chance of being her boyfriend in the future to 0.
I understand she is totally blind which is very normal since I would do the same if I was in her position.
I just regret for telling her now.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 January 2011):
What???
She asked you to tell her all the bad things about her boyfriend and then it's your fault that the friendship is now ruined because of this? Makes no sense! How is it your fault this friendship is over, because she asked you to tell her the truth?!
If she couldn't handle the truth then she should have left it alone. Frankly, she would have been pissed at you if you didn't tell her. It was a lose, lose situation.
I would let this friendship go for now. One because she's being absolutely blind and stupid. Two, because you love her and I doubt it will blossom into a relationship you want. Maybe you could wait and see if she'll realize she's acting like a twit and apologize. But I wouldn't hold my breath. Sorry buddy.
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A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (20 January 2011):
Some people want to know the truth, some people get pissed for knowing the truth. She probably wants this guy to be an allstar like she has pictured in her mind...but in real life hes a dousche bag and shes pissed that her fairytale was crushed. You were the one who told her so now instead of being sad shes in denial that you were right and is saying to herself "Shut up he isn't like that, you don't know what your talking about I'm too good for a guy to do that to me". Might be why she thinks your conning this dude to get in her pants, girls are pros at mind fucking guys don't worry about it their way better at the mind shit than us man.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (20 January 2011):
 She most likely believes that you told her all of that to get her to come back to you. Give her a little bit of space, then gently try to make it clear that you told her those things because you want what is best for her, and not to keep her away from other guys. That's the best thing you can do. In the future, try to treat these situations with caution. Don't use bad names in your descriptions, for example, and try to state everything as gently as possible.
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