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female
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anonymous
writes: I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years in February, we had a silly row and let it go on too long. We have tried to stay friends since and meet for drinks now and again and talk on the phone weekly. I always hoped we could get back together. I was hurting so bad inside but I kept a brave face when I was around him and never let him see my despair. A month or so ago, he told me that he was with someone else but hoped we could still be friends. Like an idiot I said it was fine but inside my heart was dying. I still love him so much and want to tell him but I think maybe too much time has passed, if he felt the same way he wouldnt be with her.I have been telling myself that it is a rebound relationship with this other girl but today a friend showed me a photograph of him with her last week.I am broken hearted all over again, I feel like Im back at square one and dont know how to cope.Please can someone tell me how I can get through this without reliving the pain of the past 6 months again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): i know exactly how your feeling we share the same story, after 7 years living together and 8 months seperated we kept in touch. Even spending the odd weekends together i realise he was using me as a crutch untill someone else came along...he told me by email he'd met someone and was seeing her but at the same time loved me and felt like he was cheating on me when with her.We need our friends more than ever at this time and it helps to keep busy. I sold my sports car he bought me i cycle to work my music always helps me through and i am taking up my dancing again.I know that the feeling we are experiencing is like bereft. Just when you think your coping he contacts you and the knife in your heart goes a little deeper. Be strong and look after yourself only we can do this for ourselves and the support we get from our families is never enough right now believe in yourself and know someone better is waiting for you, when the time is right it will happen i am sending you some of my faith and courage to go it aloan for a while, may we draw strengh from our experience and become stronger wiser ladies for it. much love Susan xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I know, it hurts, it sucks, i hope to get back with my ex. you just have to remember that if you are going to get back with him at any time it will happier regardless. He may have somone else but that could end in a month or two, you may not see him for years but you could meet him by chance and end up together for the rest of your life. The best thing is just to move on and let providence take its path.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2005): This is truly a painful time for you (hugs) and one that can't be resolved by wishing away this other gf. No matter how much much your ex bf he values you just as a friend, the fact is...he's moved on.
I know he's still a friend to you-but as much as possible, try to avoid contact with him. It's deeply hurting you to be around him...seeing him is just a painful reminder that "he's with her and not you, anymore". It's time to cut back on meeting him for chats. And please, don't tell him of your feelings...he's moved on and it's just not fair to burden him with this information now.
Only time can help get strong emotions into perspective. You can't fall out of love with someone overnight, after all, you need to grieve for this lost love. It's easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when you love someone who doesn't feel the same way, but it's vital that you get out and fill your time constructively.
Surround yourself with friends, and lean on them to help regain control. Talking will help get things in perspective, but if that makes you feel uncomfortable then just time spent having a laugh in their company can remind you that there's more fun to be had being a free agent.
Tak care and best wishes, Irish
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (18 August 2005):
Even though you and your ex split, you evidently still held hope that you might get back together. Now it has been confirmed that the reconciliation isn't going to take place, you are grieving all over again, for the loss of your hopes, dreams and future with this guy. Six years is a long time to invest in a relationship and naturally you will have began planning a future together. Now that has all been snatched away and naturally you are distraught. This is perfectly natural, and heartbreakingly painful, but inevitable.
Even though he has offered you friendship, I would avoid seeing him or having any contact with him for 6 - 12 months as this will only prove painful and be a constant reminder of what you have lost. You have suffered enough already, the last thing you need right now is to see him enjoying life without you. Ask your friends not to mention him or show you photos of him and don't ask after him. He is not important. You are. This is your life, and you are now embarking on a change. Of course it is scary, but humans by their very nature are adaptable.
Give yourself plenty of TLC, and take time to grieve the relationship. At periods when you are feeling better, surround yourself with family and friends, they will help you to recover. Once you have you can start taking steps towards a new life with renewed confidence.
All the best
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A
female
reader, amiee  +, writes (17 August 2005):
 heya hunni ,
i know exactly what your going through, when you feel that burning passion for some one but you know you cant have them its so hard to keep yourself contained. but the first step is admitting to yourself that he has quite obviosly moved on. maybe you need to start looking for someone else. dont let him get you down. i know your stronger that that and you will get through this emotional struggle.
the other step i found when i went through this exact problem was to get rid of any photos of us two together. one it does make you feel good. but two it makes you feel fresh and ready to start a new path.
you can then move forward and meet new people. because i know there will be someone out there for you.
your ex was obviosly not the one although i know it does feel like he is supposed to be. but he isnt other wise you and he would still be together.
theres no telling what the future holds for you but i do know that life is too short for you to be worrying and waiting for one guy to come back to you. you deserve better and remember its his loss for loosing you not yours.
good luck
amiee x
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (17 August 2005):
 Oh baby....I feel so much for you. I know exactly how you feel. And I know how hard it is to see someone you love with someone else. There is nothing more heart wrenching. But sweetheart, you have to try to cope. I know you cry everynight and I Know you heart is breaking into pieces and sometimes the grief is so bad, it consumes you and you feel like if you cannot breathe. But you have to stop torturing yourself like this. Love him from a distance. Know in your heart that you loved him the best you could and sure you have memories...appreciate them ...don't ponder on them. Pondering is just going to make the hurt last longer and make you sick. If everyday you get a memory and you feel is making you sad...force yourself to think of something else. He has someone new in his life now...it hurts but I firmly believe that what is for you is for you...and you two are meant to be....maybe now is now the right time. But you have to get control of yourself and take care of yourself. You need to do that or else you will fall apart and get sick. Honey I know this hurts but please make yourself happy. do things for yourself...go out with your friends....that helped me alot
Busy yourself with things that don't remind you of him. Don;t think about the girl....it will drive you mad. Focus on you...learn something new. If you want you can try to help someone who needs some help like kids or old folk. Just try to not focus on his life for right now. And you know what...as harsh as this sounds....you cannot be friends with him right now. You need to think about you and your survival...maybe after you heal you can be friends...smile
Take care honey..ana
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