A
male
age
36-40,
*urt lover
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year things had been amazing, obviously we had our ups and downs. The past 3 weeks had been great.... Well I thought so. I took her out for a meal and a movie we had a really enjoyable night. The following day she dumped and said just hasent been happy. Two days after she contacts me and tells me she made a mistake and the hurtful things said when she dumped me were not true. I took her back as I love her, iv also been the sweetest person to her and treated her like a princess. She now treats me with no respect and is so horrible to me. Iv always been honest with her and I told her I am hurting and unhappy. She laughed at me and was even more horrible. I don't understand why she is doing this? Please can anyone give me advice. My friends tell me to drop her, I can't I love her. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): 'She now treats me with no respect and is so horrible to me. Iv always been honest with her and I told her I am hurting and unhappy. She laughed at me and was even more horrible.'
What a horrible bitch.
Dump her now, no matter how dependent you feel, and try to find someone nice and decent and sweet and considerate.
You say you're 'in love' with her - that doesn't mean she's worth loving, or that you're genuinely in love in the proper sense of being constantly blown away by how wonderful a person she is. You're romantically infatuated with her, and probably so accustomed to three years of 'having' somebody that you're scared to be single, and therefore prepared to put up with this sort of treatment.
She may, as the last poster hinted, have some mental issues. Or, she may be just a nasty hound with no mental problems at all. Either way, be prepared to face the fact that she's nothing like the perfect angel goddess you've made her out to be in your mind, and hang on to the good memories, and dump her ASAP and maybe promise yourself that you won't allow yourself to be walked all over again by anyone no matter how attracted to/in love with them you are.
Best of luck
A
male
reader, Jason32477  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 If you feel you just can`t leave her(and honestly that might be your best bet)try treating her like shes treating you.She might think you have no spine,and has lost respect in you for that.There is also the chance she has got some kind of mental issue.Maybe someone else can give some better advice here.But putting up with her the way she is should not be an option.And maybe leaving HER will bring her to her senses.Well good luck.
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A
female
reader, holmar +, writes (17 July 2009):
It sounds like she is having some emotional problems that have nothing to do with you. Give her some time. Don't react to her negativity. She is trying to pull you in because she is not happy. It's like putting the hook out there and she is waiting for you to bite. The next time she acts like that, tell her you won't talk unless she calms down. Then don't. Leave the house for a while (but tell her when you will be back-usually about an hour), and see if she calms down. During that time, do some exercise, and think about how you are going to react to what she has said. Stick to how what she said made you "feel". Don't cast blame (example:you did this or she will get defensive, or try to turn whatever it is around on her in any way). Then when you get a chance and things are calm, tell her the same thing I just told you. For example, instead of saying :You made me mad when you did such and such, say, "I feel __(hurt)?_____ when you did _________. I need you to ____________. Can we come to some kind of agreement or resolution together? Teach her this too. It will help your communication. If this continues, you have to set boundaries. For example, if you really want this to work, that under no circumstances is "leaving or breaking up" allowed. If she does this, then there needs to be a consequence...whatever you decide on, not taking her back etc. And use this to resolve your issues. You can even make agreements and when you have them, you both write them down and sign it, with a consequence if either of you break it. This sounds odd, but I am a counselor. It really works if you do it and you both commit to making it work. Also, if there is something that either of you need to say, stick to the "feeling" way of saying it, rather than blaming, which will just make the other defensive. Good Luck. I hope this helps.
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