A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was acquaintances with this guy for 2 years. Three months ago, he said he wanted to get to know me , and we started going to dinner , drinks etc. After a month of this, he went away on holiday for 2 months. I took a weeks vacation and met him. It was very intense. We got along great while there. Laughing, joking. He said he can't believe how much we bonded - he said we sort of skipped ahead like we've been dating for 4 months. There was no sex, but kissing and cuddling. When I left, it felt like he wanted a relationship with me.That was 3 weeks ago . I've been home for 3 weeks and he was still away. He got home Wednesday night and didn't text me until Thursday. The text had no mention of plans and there has been no plan. (it's now been almost 2 days). A mutual friend is having a party Saturday night at a club and we are both going but so far, have not acknowledged it or agreed to go together. I think it will be weird to just meet up again that way. I would have liked to have alone time first ... My therapist said the ball is in his court and if he wanted to , he would have asked me to dinner tonight or tomorrow. She said men on hunters and you need to let them pursue. Please advise. I am upset that he hasn't tried to have alone time with me but I haven't asked based on advice from my therapist. How should I act when I first see him at this party? I feel a bit rejected.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice - and I have good news to report. He asked me to date him exclusively . We both arrived at the party at the same time and I kept it casual and then went off with my friends. An hour later, he came to talk to me and told me he was worried I didn't want us because he thought I was being aloof.
A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Your therapist is right, they do like a chase and by the sound of it you're making it a bit easy. I think there is potential with you and him as he did text you the day after he got back, and I'm sure on wednesday he was busy unpacking or whatever. just because he's not following you like a dog doesn't mean he doesn't like you. some people aren't clingy. I suggest you don't mention the party or going with him if he does and arrive looking your best to win him over and then he'll wish he were with you :p. a nice dress or something? maybe even get your hair done? at the party, act normal. say hello first if the opportunity arises. just go and have a good time, and he'll wish he were with you having a good time and approach you if he does like you. and always remember this - if a guy likes, you will know! they're simple creatures after all. good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Just one more thing. "If he wants you he'll make the move, if not walk away" is just wrong in this case. He already made the moves in the first place. This isn't the 1950's OP and you're not some dainty princess. If you want him then what use is sitting back and hoping? The best thing about the era we live in OP is women have the power to make things happen now without relying on the permission and money of men. You no longer have to rely on us to do everything, you too are free to go get the things you want in life, there is no reason why you wouldn't suggest a date to him. You think you'll make him less interested by doing that? You think something bad will happen if you do? Not at all. If he's interested he'll say yes, if he's not then at least you get closure and are not giving up under the assumption that he should pursue you, always wondering whether that really was the case or whether he was just hoping you'd show more interest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): OP it's kind of simple really, it just sounds like you're on different wavelengths here. You sound like you missed him badly and were waiting for him to come back so you could reignite your romance straight away. Sounds to me he was a little more casual about it. Plus he was away still for another 3 weeks anything could have happened.
OP ignore all that men are hunters crap, what's going on here is your skewed expectations. You need to get rid of them and just play this by ear.
The situation is quite simple, I don't know why you and your therapist are reading so deeply into it. He got back, wasn't dying to see you like you hoped but it doesn't mean he doesn't like you, could just be that he's more casual about it than you or guess what, it could just mean he's been away for a while and he has some more important people like his family and friends to catch up with and see.
Now you get a chance to see him soon so that's a chance to have fun that night and ask if he'd like to meet up during the week after or something like that.
Seriously OP, who would you go see as soon as you got back? A guy you only barely know or your friends and family?
See what happens, relax and take it easy. He did take the time to text you, stop letting your flawed expectations make you nervous or dismissive. As far as the men are hunters shite OP, that's game playing. Really it is. You want him to make moves etc. You're a grown woman around my age, you know well that in life not everything is so black and white, and frankly these days I like to see a bit of effort from the woman too. Women aren't the only ones who like to be desired and pursued OP. You know we can like a woman but not be rushing to fall at her feet and beg her to be with us OP. You know he could be like me too OP in that he's not one of those weird lonely-when-single types and is just not so desperate for love that he's going to be clamouring to beg you to be with him. There's also the possiblilty he knew he was going to see you and he's just been playing it cool.
You just don't know. So stop trying to read this, stop putting pressure on yourself and him by what you think should be happening and go have fun at that party. I bet you a 100 bucks it will be awesome and he'll be delighted to see you. Remember you came home to your usual routine, your set life, he was still away having loads of fun on holiday. You've had a lot more time to be obsessing over this than him and that's made you a little more emotionally invested.
Play it cool, have fun at the party, expect nothing and see if he'd up for going to see Django Unchained or other similarly awesome movie some time after the party. No big deal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses. I really appreciate it. One other tidbit - just a week ago - he called me internationally while still on his vacation to just say hello. He had also been emailing me every 3 to 4 days and often times it contained a "miss you" message. So the pull-away has really been within the last week.
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female
reader, holar +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Your therapist is right you need to let him decide if he want this or not, don’t try making a date with him, if you don’t meet before the party, just stay cool and be yourself, when you see him, don’t ask him why he hasn't invited you for dinner, don't be eager to talk to him, when he talks don't show too much of interest, guys like going for what they can't get easily, don't let him feel you wanting him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): True, men are often hunters. But sometimes they are shy, confused hunters. As a man, I can tell you that I actually don't mind when a woman makes a first move, or completes a first move that I initiated.If you don't feel like calling him before the party, then talk to him at the party. Make reference to jokes or things you discussed during the vacation, to put both of you back into that frame of mind you had there. You don't need to ask, "Are we going out or not?". Just tell him you want to cook him dinner on Sunday. Make it clear it's not a dinner party: you are inviting him and him alone. See if he is keen or not. If he doesn't jump at the offer, then you probably have your answer to the "going out or not" question. If he does jump at it, then see how Sunday evening plays out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): True, men are often hunters. But sometimes they are shy, confused hunters. As a man, I can tell you that I actually don't mind when a woman makes a first move, or completes a first move that I initiated.If you don't feel like calling him before the party, then talk to him at the party. Make reference to jokes or things you discussed during the vacation, to put both of you back into that frame of mind you had there. You don't need to ask, "Are we going out or not?". Just tell him you want to cook him dinner on Sunday. Make it clear it's not a dinner party: you are inviting him and him alone. See if he is keen or not. If he doesn't jump at the offer, then you probably have your answer to the "going out or not" question. If he does jump at it, then see how Sunday evening plays out.
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female
reader, chinana  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Dearest you feel confused with your situation that’s pretty normal. But if he hasn’t initiated a date in the last 3weeks then it I think it’s an indication that he just isn’t that into you. Your therapist is right, a man who is looking for a committed relationship would have asked you out by now and you certainly wouldn’t be writing this post. Just look at it this way, you liked him but maybe his level of interest isn’t as high as yours. Am sure you have turned some guys down after a date or two because you were just not into them. He probably realised that he couldn’t give you a serious commitment and hence he bailed out. The good news is he is not stringing you along, he is choosing not to waste your time. When you see him at that party don’t crowd his space because that’s going to make you look desperate. Don’t show him you are upset or confused with his actions, just play it cool. Let him come to you if he chooses to and let him explain his silence, the ball is in his court remember that. If he wants to play he will have to make the first move, if he doesn’t you pick yourself up and move on. If he doesn’t make a move you are justified to delete his number and all the social network/links so it’s easier for you to move on. Don’t be shocked if he shows up with someone else, just be prepared. Meanwhile go out with friends and keep your yourself occupied, take yourself out, pamper yourself. Good luck OP.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (2 February 2013):
 How to act? Like you're having a great time with your friends and let him come to you. It is still early days with you two. It might have felt like you'd been together months when you were away. But back in reality you haven't been together months and are still getting to know each other in that way. So play it cool and let him come to you.
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