A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we've been living together, with his family, for a long time. I got a big promotion at work and finally was able to buy plane tickets to see my little brother and mother in Florida. I've been so depressed at the fact I haven't seen them in three years that I got excited to go, and bring him to meet them. But he is making every excuse possible not to go. He hates flying, refuses to drive in a car that long, won't get on a train. Hell I even threw in the idea for a Rickshaw. But the complaints didn't end. Instead it became about money, travel costs, not enjoying his time there. But I would be paying for the tickets and all expenses. We have seperate bank accounts and only one tiny bill a month that I pay. I've explained to him this is important to me. I miss my family and I need to see them. If he was commited to me than he should be willing to flex on this. I fought for two months for my vacation time during that time and he was a helping force in that, but now won't go? Why would anyone refuse a free trip to a tropical paradise? Why after two years would he be so reluctant to come with me unless there was a reason? I thought we were commited to eachother but now I feel like this is a make or break situation. I can't stress enough that this isn't about a vacation to me, this is about us seeing what is going to be 'our' family.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 February 2013):
 I wouldn't waste the time posing and ruminating about the questions that you've posed in this submittal.....
Instead, I'd go to Florida... see my family... and, if what's-his-name is there when you get back.... I'd say to him, "You know, hunchy-bunchy, on my trip and visit with my Family, I came to realize that YOU are not a positive element in my life.... but, instead, are a DRAG on my otherwise-pretty-good life.... Therefore, let's agree to go our separate ways...." That should work....
Good luck....
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 It is easy to see that your boyfriend has control issues.
YOU are miles from home, in a place where you rely on him for most things, and in a place where everything around him is comfortable and familiar.
He is the boss in his own environment, the balance of power within the relationship is massively in his favour.
If you both go to Florida, YOU will be around your friends and family, you will be in the comfort of a familiar environment, and HE will be relying on YOU.
There are a couple of things that I find a little strange. Firstly, you don't say what part of America you live in right now. I mean, with all due respect to the wide open spaces of the USA, if you are currently living in Hicksville, or in a tiny one store community, it may be all that he is used to.
Conversely, if you are in South Central LA, or Crown Heights or Brownsville New York, that may also have a bearing on why he doesn't want to travel.
Secondly, Florida is a lovely state, but its the first time I have heard anyone refer to it as a tropical paradise. You obviously love your home state. The way you describe it makes me think that your boyfriend is wondering whether you will ever want to come back to wherever you live now.
That is a question that you need to answer for him, to re-assure him that this trip is just a visit, and not the beginning of a move back home.
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A
female
reader, jdxx +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Hi op, I had a LDR once with a really nice bloke, he treated me like gold and always made me feel special, but... He never travelled to me, ever! And it was one because he'd never left the comfort of his home where he lived with his father and older brothers, he'd never been on holiday and was genuinely scared of experiencing a different place, ultimately our relationship ended for that reason and that reason alone. You also need to consider that he could be incredible nervous about meeting your family for the first time, the best thing you can do is not try to back him into a corner by pushing the issue, you need to sit down calmly and have a real heart to heart and get to the bottom of his real feelings about it. Reassure him that even IF your family we're to disapprove of him in anyway that you won't go anywhere ect
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Maybe he feels worried about meeting and stayng with your Mother and brother although that would be a bit rich since you actually live with his family. For whatever reason he is now not into it as much as you are which clearly is making things difficult. As the others have said you need to sit him down and ask him what is wrong. It may have to be that you go on your own in the end but that would definitely change the dynamics in this relationship for ever. I really think since you live with his family and that cannot always be easy that this is the least he can do for you. Maybe if it is about staying with them you could do a couple of weeks with them and then a week in a hotel. If it is the above your boyfriend is unlikely to admit it as it would be rude so you may need to think around this and find a solution. I know I would not want to stay in the same house as my husband's family as I just do not feel comfortable and cannot relax even though I know them well but I probably could compromise for a week as long as we had a break on our own somewhere else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Some of the responders to your question are jumping to conclusions too quickly. If I am reading your question correctly, your boyfriend has never had the opportunity to meet your family, even though you have been together for 2 years. That's a very long time. The longest I have ever waited to meet a new girlfriend's family is three months. I understand the reason in your case, i.e. the geographic separation. But have you considered the possibility that your boyfriend might be extremely/nervous about meeting your family, now that 2 years have passed? There is much less pressure in meeting your partner's family early in a relationship than later in one. If you are only a few weeks into a relationship, there is a lot less to lose if your partner's family doesn't get along with you or doesn't approve of you than if you are 2 years into one.And remember that men are experts at hiding their insecurities and worries.I would seriously consider this aspect of the issue. If you have no reason to suspect that your mother or brother will be at odds with him, try to reassure him that your mother and brother will like him, and then see what happens.I wouldn't throw down a huge ultimatum about him not seeing a future in your relationship or anything like that (at least not at this time), especially if he is worried deep inside about losing you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 February 2013):
I also agree that this pretty much shows he's not committed. If someone is going to to that much trouble to ensure they don't have to do something, then they point blank aren't bothered by doing it. And if he's not bothered in coming with you to meet your family (with your for the first time in 3 years), then I don't think he's interested in you enough.
Time to maybe look at this relationship and see whether he's really the guy you want to be with. I'm not that sure he is.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Hi
To me a normal reaction from somebody you live with and loves you would be to go,to know how you have missed your family and look forward to the trip too.
Time for a calm,quiet talk with him to find out whats what,to explain why you want him there.He has trotted out these weak excuses so far and you need the truth.
I hope you enjoy your trip and whatever happens with your boyfriend, doesn't stop you having a great time.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 February 2013):
 You've learned a very important truth:
Domesticity does not equal commitment. You're living with him and his family, right? This means that he hasn't had to support himself, much less you? You're the one paying the bill and not him?
This trip to your family in Florida just uncovered an unfortunate RED FLAG. This just revealed that your relationship has no future in his eyes. His meeting your family is a Next Step event that usually brings a relationship to a new level of serious, and he's not interested in that, much like he's not interested in growing up, period. Living with parents and letting girlfriend pay your bills shows immaturity.
This might be the time to cut him loose and grow up yourself, because it's one thing to have a guy in college or high school who is enjoying teenage years. It's another thing to be ready to move into the future with ambition to go somewhere in life and look for a partner interested in future goals. He's not wanting to grow up. You are.
Go to see your family yourself...the time away from him will be good for you. I think your relationship with this guy doesn't have much of a future.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 February 2013):
Some people are afraid of traveling. I love going to new places so I don't understand it.
Either way it does say a lot about him that he won't do it to make you happy. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but it implies to me that your happiness is not a priority of his.
Have you told him that him refusing to go meet your family is causing you to doubt your relationship? This seems like a huge deal and if you haven't calmly told him this you need to start there.
If you have calmly (not argumentatively) told him this then you may want to consider staying in Florida. Marriage won't magically fix this.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (2 February 2013):
 It isn't a good sign to be honest. I don't know what he is thinking but it sounds like you need to have a serious talk about where things are going in your relationship. It doesn't mean you necessarily need to break up but you deserve to know where you stand.
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