A
male
age
41-50,
*ouisTheroo
writes:Fascinating relationship problem!I am in a highly charged relationship that has been just bliss until a few weeks ago when my girlfriends tone, frequency and mood in her communications collapsed. This has left me dumbfounded and hurt. It has never happened with her before so I feel rejected and everything that has gone before us has been undermined because I believe this girl is The One. I don't know if it's her hormones but she is hot and cold like I have never felt her before. We do not live together but are looking at renting a place together. She lives in another country but it is only a few hours away. We have been very serious discussing children etc but this has perplexed me beyond belief! And left me considering if she is indeed the one as I have respect for her but also respect for myself. There is another fact that may be adding to the situation. The last guy she was living with in the USA is visiting very soon to sort things out as she puts it. They lived together for a year but she left him. She has said she will explain she is with me face to face. I have not objected to this as I would also wish to explain something like this in person. My position is this - I can dump her and move on because I do deserve more respect for what I do with her and everything that has gone before or I can continue to act unflusterred by things and the impending visit, or I can kick up a fuss and fight for her affections. After Reading a few posts here I wonder ifcshe is pushing me away as a test. What do you think -from both sides ie why is she behaving like this and also should I walk away and maintain my dignity? If she comes running I may not be able to have her close again because of the fickleness and lack of compassion she has shown. This is worth saving but at the expense of her rejection and consideration of my feelings????
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female
reader, DESTINY 23  +, writes (15 October 2009):
 wow if she had sex its over!!! how can you be with another person and in love and have sex with other people? Shes not the one shes not in love with you thats why she cheated on you ,lied, and you need to move on . I think your in denial about what a relationship should be.
You know I feel sorry for you because your stuck but let go and youll be free and happy instead of worried and confused.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (14 October 2009):
 Well, you know what 'they' say...if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it.....hehehe
But seriously, what exactly does she have to 'sort out'? My guess is that it's either emotional or financial, (and if it was financial then she wouldn't have to actually see him). I'd interpret the change in attitude towards you as her waivering on the commitment she has to you because Mr USA is looming on the horizon. Never mind about the face-to-face bit, if you've gone as far as discussing having kids, etc, then she has an obligation to let you know what's going on as soon as it starts going on. If she'd told Mr USA that she was happy with someone else, then I doubt that he'd be so rude as to come sticking his nose back in her life, and what's more, she wouldn't want him to. I think you're on the money with the walk away with your dignity idea. If she's serious about your relationship she'll get her act together pretty quick. Best of luck :)
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