A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,my problem is completely enfuriating and I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for ages but it really hurts me. I know I am being completely rubbish and probably entirely selfish in not just getting on with it but I am trying to "get on" to him slowly and in the least painful way possible. His reaction to this is to get mad at me for taking so long and just "doing the same thing" every time we try, but when we have tried any other way it hurts so so much. We have only done it once succesfully and it was by doing it my slow way. We tried tonight but after about half an hour he just gets mad at me. It is really putting us both off sex, and I think it is putting him off me altogether. We have been together for 5 years and I love him so much and don't want to lose him. But when it comes to it I put myself before him because I am so frightened of the pain. I have tried everything I can think of: lubrication; alcohol; painkillers...everything. I know I just need to do it a few times and hopefully it will stop hurting- but the thought of the pain scares me, and then the thought of him getting mad and shouting and us falling out scares me too...so I just get put off it completely. It should be something amazing but we are both just growing further apart because of it and I know its my fault.Does anyone have any advice that they can give me? I would be so so so thankful.xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): UPDATE!
Hi, we have not been trying for 5 years, only a few months- as we were very young when we started going out.
I have recently discovered what may be the cause of the pain...he "measured" himself and he is 11 inches. We didn't know this was unusual until we researched about it and everywhere said it would be very painful until I get used to it. I think (hopefully) if he gets over the mentality that he has to putt he whole thing in, and realises now that it is really HIS FAULT not mine ahaha, we should be okay.
A
female
reader, ij  +, writes (14 October 2009):
 Umm being a premed student u seem to be suffering from Vaginismus,an involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina.Symptoms:Vaginal penetration during sex is difficult or impossible.2: Vaginal pain is common during sexual intercourseTreatment: involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).Vaginal dilation exercises are recommended using plastic dilators. This should be done under the direction of a sex therapist or other health care provider. Such therapy should involve the partner, and can gradually include more intimate contact, ultimately resulting in intercourse.hope this helps, talk to your doctor about it!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): I dont see it as selfish one bit. You are entitled to enjoy the sex as much as him, and if you can't enjoy it then what the heck do you owe him? Do ral sex then. That way he can get pleased and you pleased too without it hurting. But a very good point raised: you've gone on for 5 years of hurtful sex and have not yet seen your doctor about this? It's not natural that it hurts. Find out why and bring your boyfriend with you to the doctor too so he can hear it as well. Maybe he doesn't really believe in you that it hurts? He's the selfish one here, not you.
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