A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 5 years and have a 18 month old child. After the birth of our child I suppose me husband and myself became bogged down with everyday life and being parents. I though I was happy untill recently an ex of mine got in contact.The ex in question was my first love we were together for about 5 years and he was the love of my life. We split up probably due to immaturity and I lost conctact with him but thought about him often. Anyway he has now contacted me via facebook telling me I am his one true love and he has always loved me. It has totally turned my world upside down. I can't get him out of my head and all the feelings that I had for him have resurfaced. He knows I'm married with a family but still wants to meet up. I have declined up to now but the flesh is weak!I am making myself ill with the guilt I can't eat of sleep. My family don't know anything about this as I am hiding my pain well, but once alone I can't stop crying and wishing things were different.I know it's selfish of me and I should be thankful that I have a family who love me but I can't stop thinking about this ex. I loved him so much and think I still do. I could delete him as a friend but that wouldn't change the way I feel. He was my world for so long and I don't think I ever got over him. A part of me will always love him and I can usually surpress that feeling but it's back big time and won't go away. Please help I'm a wreck xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): i spoke to my ex yday via the web and he has agreed not to ask me to meet again. We chatted for almost 2 hours and I felt so happy ( even though we were talking just like friends would)
should I continue to stay in contact if both of us agree not to mention our feelings?
I did feel so much better after being in contact.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I have also come across this problem in my later years, after 46, in fact, and I still haven't got the answer! I'd like to continue as a friend but I know it will probably start to develop as we continued to see each other. You and I know there really is only one answer and that is to cut it short, stone dead, from now, but how can we, reliving all those feelings we had from long ago. I'm sorry, I can't help - I'm waiting for someone to advise ME! Good luck, if you do find the answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I have also been in this situation and was weak and met up with him. I had known him for about 15 years but married someone else and had just had a baby. We too started seeing each other all the time. It felt good, it made me feel attractive, witty, wanted etc etc but the guilt was truly terrible. Leaving my baby with my husband while I pretended to be staying with a friend made me feel so bad. This guy was my soul mate and I really loved him. He asked me to leave my husband and go to him but I couldn't. This went on and off for about 3 years until I called it a day. 8 years went by and I banged into him again. Again the affair started up and is still going on. I truthfully cannot advise against going down this route more forcibly. It leaves you full of shame, guilt ridden, turns you into a liar, makes you totally paranoid like Dani28 so wisely states and is a dreadful state to be in. I am always checking behind me and constantly covering my lies. I get no peace of mind but still i want to keep seeing him. I love my family life and I love my lover. Please don't do it as I promise you it won't make you happy. I could have concentrated on building a larger family with my husband or put more love into him but I didn't I selfishly chose to waste my time with this other man. Honey, don't do it. xx
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A
female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (8 May 2009):
It's an age old truth that we always want what we can't have...I would venture to say that you are not having feeling for you ex in the way that you believe you are. You've not been in contact with him for many years. He is just a memory now, a fantasy, a reminder of what you don't have. That's what you need to realize and concentrate on. Your ex wouldn't have any affect on you if you were secure and happy in your current situation. Believe me when I tell you that your emotions are displaced right now and your ex is merely providing you a distraction from your reality. You need to think about what your family represents and means to you. Spend some time exploring why you are not happy and take corrective measures to fix the marriage you have.
I would bet you any amount of money that if you walk away from what you have now just because you feel that your heart belongs to your ex, it won't be long before you realize that he is an ex for a reason and wouldn't it be a tragedy if your husband refused to allow you to come back? Then what have you gained?? Think long and hard about what you're feeling. Don't throw away something meaningful for a chance to recover the past. Leave the past where it is. You'll get over this, just as you did before.
Much love.
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A
female
reader, Dani28  +, writes (8 May 2009):
Hi there,
i have been in exactly the same position, only i did meet up and started an affair, it felt good, for once i wasnt i just wasnt a mum and wife, but let me tell you, its a bad idea, it really is. The guilt ur feeling now is nothing to what u will feel when u finally meet up and find it hard not to get involved. My experience has left me guilt ridden and paranoid, i advise strongly against this. I would be happy to talk about this more with you, leave me a message if you like.
Good luck
xxx
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