A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a month, we have been mainly making out and cuddling A LOT, we have spent a bit of time together outside of each others houses though. I found out from a friend that her friend kissed him last week at a college party. Apparently they aren't talking or anything and they dont really know each other. However, before I found this out, he told me that that night he was drunk and doesn't remember anything. He also doesn't know that I know this that I am aware of. I am obviously upset about this but because we were just 'dating' (or at least i thought so) we hadn't had a talk yet about what we are or where this is going. I was actually going to bring that up in the near future but now everything has just gotten more complicated. Besides the fact that we hadn't decided to be exclusive, do I have the right to be angry at him? And if he were serious about me and actually liked me and saw this going somewhere, would he actually go and kiss another girl?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 OK, I get that, since our OP and the guy haven't had the talk and promised each other of being exclusive, technically she has nothing to complain about, and he has not broken any rule.
But, how does this solve the real issue ?.... Which, IMO, is that if the guy , while he is dating her , is going around kissing other girls, he can't be that interested in girl No. 1 , can he ? He can't be that smitten. Monogamy is not something enforced by or depending upon a verbal agreement no matter how solemn- it is a HAPPY , spontaneous choice. If you like a person really a lot, ...generally you don't feel the need to go out and check if out there there's anything equally good or better , no ?
So, while we surely can't crucify the guy for not being, or not being yet, totally taken with the OP, because it is something that one cannot force if it is not there..... instinctively I share the OP's doubts. I mean, at her age, I would not have been so keen of having the talk and becoming exclusive with a guy that has shown by his actions a lukewarm , waving interest. With so many guys in the world, there must be quite a few that would feel happy and honoured to be just with her, and would not feel the need to explore the options ...
To me, it is not a matter of being PC- if he has the right to kiss other girls or not. Ok, let's say technically he has this right. But, if he really likes the OP, WHY does he even want to exercise this right ?
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Until you have had 'the talk' and decided to be 100% exclusive then you cant really say anything to him. Of course you are going to be upset, because you clearly like him and its never nice to find out the person you like has kissed someone else.
But until you have a talk with him about the relationship then you dont really have a leg to stand on. If he was drunk it sounds like it was probably a silly drunken kiss that didnt mean anything, and because you are not exclusive yet he hasnt thought much about it. If he had slept with her, or exchanged numbers and was meeting up with her then yes you should be worried. But a drunken kiss isnt really a big deal, nothing to get too worked up about.
However you clearly want this to be exclusive, so you need to have this chat soon before anything else happens.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 I am going to agree with Basschick. It sounds like there is a conversation that you and your boyfriend haven't discussed yet. He is obviously at a different point in the relationship and is exploring his options with all potential players. He also might be under the impression that you are dating freely or you don't even particularly care for him (or he may think of you as a friend).
While you do have a right to be disappointed, I don't think you can fault him. Until you have the "exclusive dating" conversation, he is free to take your relationship lightly (just as you are as well).
It sounds like you've become emotionally attached to this guy or are starting to develop feelings for him. Perhaps it is time to have that discussion with him before you lose him or he wanders off thinking you aren't interested.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Do you have the right to be angry? The heart wants what the heart wants. You cannot deny your feelings. Do you have the right to tell him angry you are? Probably not. But in all honesty, you should have a "talk" with him about your relationship how you would feel if he did kiss another woman, or anything worse. You need to determine if you're both on the same page. Is it time to be exclusive, or should you give it a few more months? The discussion you have may determine that. Good luck.
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