A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. Some advice please.There's this girl that I just noticed. I've been observing her behaviour. I noticed her looking at my boyfriend. At first, I thought it was nothing because maybe she looks at him out of curiosity or something else. Then another weeks passed, my boyfriend told me that the girl who kept staring at him chatted and he replied because he don't want to be rude. I was okay at that time and somewhat jealous but I told myself not to jump to conclusion. She always chatted him with take care and with a heart emoji. Okay????Most of the time, I saw her stealing glances at my boyfriend, AGAIN!!! So I told myself "okay, this is weird" Then this girl would approach my boyfriend when I'm not beside him. But when I'm with my boyfriend, she would distance herself and still keep looking at my boyfriend. This always happens. She only talks to my boyfriend when I'm not around. And she seems very happy every time she sees him. I mean, I do have a charming boyfriend and also because he was a drummer. I am okay when my boyfriend is talking with other girls because it's completely normal to socialise but this girl is acting weird. Of all his girl friends, she's the only one who stares a lot at him. Now, I do have a feeling that this girl likes my boyfriend.So, what you guys think? and thank you for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2021): If your boyfriend is honest, decent, kind, caring and worth being with there is nothing to worry about. It takes two. Unless he prefers her to you there is nothing to worry about. Obviously you are concerned he is not very keen on you. In which case he would go off with her or someone else.
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (14 August 2021):
 This happened to me when I was your age. I foolishly pointed out to my boyfriend that this girl fancied him. A couple of weeks later he was seeing her behind my back ! So…be careful what you tell him because men are easily flattered by a girl who gives them the eye. All you can do is steer him away from her as much as you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2021): Thank you guys for the advice. I appreciate it a lot. In fact, I told him about it and he said that if it makes me uncomfortable then he no longer replied to her messages. And every time the girl approached him to talk with him he would find some company so that he wouldn't be alone with her. And he told me that while I was not there he would INTENTIONALLY mention that he has a wife (which is me even though we aren't married because we've only been dating for four months) just to inform the girl that he is taken. Which I found his action cute. He even post our pictures together as his profile on facebook.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2021): Keep your head about you, make sure you don't act on jealousy alone. You said your boyfriend was charming; but you also have to let him know you are aware the girl likes him; and he shouldn't string her along or encourage her.
Jealousy will make you irrational and possessive; but you do have to set some boundaries to remind him that the young-lady has feelings, and she's directing them towards him.
If he wants to stay out of the reach of temptation; he needs to remind her that he has a girlfriend, and freeze her out. If he lets her get too close; he'll start to be flattered by the special attention. That's a normal human reaction; but the way to keep people from causing trouble in your relationship is to make sure they see the sign on the wall that says "this is as far as you go!" Nice to be friendly, but that's it! He has to set that boundary; if he wants you to remain his girlfriend.
For now, it's flirting; coming mainly from her. Making phone-contact leads to trouble. I think that's a bit too much. He's not stupid, he wouldn't like some guy chatting you up. Not wanting to be rude is a pile of poop!
Tell him once and for all, she's getting too friendly; and you're uncomfortable about it. You are trusting him to set the right boundaries for the sake of your relationship. If he's enjoying the attention more than necessary; then there is already a problem.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 August 2021):
 Yeah, she probably likes him.
And there might be other girls who lokes him too. If he is charming and social that will happen.
What SHE feels is irrelevant. You have NO control there. Your BF on the other hand might want to nip this "admiration" in the bud. Why is he messaging/texting her?
"She always chatted him with take care and with a heart emoji"
That seems a bit out of line. But again, you can't control that either. You can point it out that he might want to realize she is crushing on him and to NOT lead her on.
You can't control who he talks to, who wants to talk to him. Who likes him. Who finds him cute. You don't own him.
So you have the choice to TRUST that he is faithful to you or you can choose not to trust him, and end it.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (11 August 2021):
 By your own admission your boyfriend is charming, and is also a drummer so of course he is going to attract a lot of attention from the opposite sex.
I think it all boils down to trust at the end of the day. Trust is the most important factors that hold a relationship together, without trust a relationship is doomed to fail.
He sounds like a decent guy, and i assume that he has never given you any reason for you to distrust him. He does not sound like he is reciprocating her gestures either, because at the end of the day he is in a relationship with you, and no one else.
Just take it with a pinch of salt and trust him. If you can't trust him them maybe its time to end it and call it a day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2021): I totally agree with cantbeserious you're bf is the one that owes you respect. He is the one you are dating and if things escalates then he needs to be the one who firmly but politely puts boundaries in place .. If I were in your shoes . I would bring it to his attention once and remark that she is making you feel uncomfortable
When she eyes him all the time, that its disrespectful not to come over when you are present in his company as well .but you leave him to let her know if her behaviour becomes more than what she doing.
You cant control his actions when your not around . You can only control your own . However, I would let him know that for every action there is reaction and he may find himself without you if he chooses unwisely .
Hugs
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A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (10 August 2021):
 Reading between the lines, always go on your gut reaction. Is there something going on? befriend her and get to know her then you can keep a clioser eye on her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2021): Okay so she may have a crush on him that's not the end of the world and you and your boyfriend have no control over that.However what your boyfriend has control over is how he responds. I had a similar situation where another women started chatting to my partner daily online at first I was okay harmless over time she started asking him to meet for a drink and some of her comments where over the line. Within our relationship wee are very open with each other so he sat me down and let me read through what she sent him and his response. That's the point I put my foot down and said not a chance. I even posted the situation on here you could read back. My partner stopped all contact with her as at that point he started to also feel she was looking for more than banter and friendship and it would be inappropriate to allow it to cont'd. I didn't tell him to do that he didn't even have to tell me what she sent I wouldn't have ever known but he did off his own back out of respect for me.The reason I am telling you this is like you another women had her eye on him and out of respect and love for me he nipped it in the bud. Grew my trust in him.Tbh her actions and attempts to hurt us just made us even stronger. In your situation the question you have to to ask do u trust him? Does he love and respect u enough so u know if a 3rd party tried to enter he won't entertain them.Thats the questions you have to ask.What the girl is doing whatever you can't do anything about her actions. How your boyfriend responds and the respect he has for you is what you should be looking at.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 August 2021):
 Your boyfriend is charming and a drummer. He is going to attract attention. You can't control that.
It is up to your boyfriend to act in such a way that you do not worry about this admirer. Your relationship is with HIM, not with her.
Do you trust him? If you don't, you need to walk away. If you do, you need to believe he will behave appropriately when you are not around.
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