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Does wife want a threesome or just role play?

Tagged as: Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 August 2021) 7 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2021)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been happily married with my wife for many years. Sex is good. Sometimes it is romantic, other times is primal and erotic. We often flirt with the idea of a threesome, but more just role play as I think she is too conservative to follow through with it. Sometimes I wonder if she is just role playing for me, but other times I wonder if she truly wants it.

We have role played many scenarios/fantasies, but one scenario always brings out the most intense orgasms and that is when we roleplay involving an interracial (black male). Not only are the orgasms huge, but as she describes the scenario you can feel the lust and desire in her voice, different than the other role playing scenarios. She talks about his huge package and all that she would do with it. She will talk of how dirty she will get with it. How she would let him ejaculate all over her face or in her mouth, whatever or wherever he wanted. She talks about how she would let him penetrate any orifice he desired. And when she orgasms in this role play they are back arching, moaning/screaming (wake up the neighbors) type orgasms.

I don't get jealous, it actually turns me on a bit and if it is something that she truly wanted I would consider it. She has offered to give me a threesome with a woman but that just doesn't thrill me for whatever reason, I think I would just feel weird doing something with another woman in front of my wife. My wife is hot sexy and smart...I have not seen a woman that even holds a candle to my wife.

But at the same time IF it is just the fantasy that turns her on and she never wants to entertain it, then I don't want to make it awkward.

So how does one go about determining if it is fantasy or if she really wants to try it? I have hinted that I should blindfold her and switch out with a black cock and asked what she would do if she had her blindfold removed halfway through...would she be mad or would she continue? She didn't deny nor confirm, but she really didn't sound like she would be angry either.

View related questions: ejaculate, flirt, jealous, orgasm, threesome

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2021):

We can dream-up all sorts of crazy and wonderful fantasies in our heads. That's where they should stay. If you like to role-play between the two of you, in the sanctity of your marriage...fine! If you start making your fantasies public, and taking them to the streets; that's when you invite the devil in. He's not leaving without taking a big chunk of your soul. He'll destroy your marriage, and crush your happiness. He's knocking and waiting to get in!

When you were married, you took vows. Wild fantasies and sexual-exploits were for when you were single, and had no serious commitment to anyone. Vows make two people devoted and monogamous to each-another. Wandering outside your marriage for sex, is seeking trouble to divide you.

Do what you please, but be prepared to pay a price. Fantasies fadeaway into nothingness. Reality stays. It moves-in, and you pay the consequences for forbidden-behavior.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2021):

I would hate my partner having sex with me and thinking about another woman or her body to not only orgasm but have the most intense orgasm ever!

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A male reader, Dave1771  United States +, writes (11 August 2021):

Married couple for 30yrs. We have been thru the "role playing" about having another Male. We moved it from Role playing to reality. We thought we had set clear rules, boundaries, etc. Inevitably, things happen. What we learned, you have to be 100% secure in YOUR relationship, Jealousy WILL enter into it! Although we have had good MFM threesomes, we've also had not so good ones. There are things I've learned that I wasn't as comfortable with as I thought I was and Her as well. Ultimately we decided it had to be a MFM threesome, both always there, all the time. At first, my wife wouldn't relax and enjoy it. But she kept wanting to try so, I kept setting it up. Eventually, we set down and had a long discussion about how those unexpected things came around and I let her know I was jealous but at the same time, oddly turned on seeing her with another man. (We had never been with anyone else, both virgins when we got together). I explained that if we were going to continue to try, a few times at least, I wanted her to relax and actually fuck this guy.( excuse language). There didn't seem much sense in doing anything if she wasn't going to relax and enjoy herself. After she decided she would indeed relax and enjoy, we had an absolutely amazing time! Although it has been a few years, our sex life has NEVER been better! I honestly have never seen her more satisfied than having 2 men completely wear her out! After all, her satisfaction is what's most important! We were secure enough in our own relationship that it didn't have an effect despite the jealousy on my part. Next up, FMF threesomes. You'll never know until you try so have fun, enjoy yourselves, and set this one rule beforehand, DO NOT LET IT EFFECT WHAT YOU HAVE NOW! No matter what, you both keep what you have now even if that means stopping everything in the middle of it! Good luck!

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A female reader, Tinacandida United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2021):

Tinacandida agony auntGood answers. Stick with the fantasies. If you involve a third party you will be bringing a lot of trouble into you relationship i should think. All too often things dont end well when fantasies are brought into reality. Have you ever thought of writing erotic books, you seem to be good at that.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2021):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhile this is a fantasy, you have control. Once you cross the line between fantasy and reality, the control evaporates and you have little say over what happens.

You say you are not jealous (now) but how would you feel if your wife enjoyed sex with the other man more than with you? How would you feel if she decided, if you were prepared to share her with another man, you obviously don't love her? How would you feel if she decided she wanted to see the other man on his own without you?

There are many ways of spicing up your love life without involving third parties. You obviously already have an imaginative element to your sex play. Perhaps you could investigate new ways to add excitement without involving the proverbial cliché of a "black cock"?

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2021):

kenny agony auntThis is a fantasy, and that is exactly how it should stay, a fantasy that goes no further than that.

Have a look over previous posts where couple have brought in a third party and you will observe the fact that a good majority of them never end well.

You could potentially find your self in a situation where your wife prefers sex with someone else better than she enjoys it with you. She could develop feelings for someone else and start seeing them behind your back, then eventually leave you.

Bringing this fantasy to fruition will not end well. Leave it as a fantasy and take it no further than that.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (10 August 2021):

Honeypie agony auntKeep it to role-playing. Fantasy is NOT reality.

It lets the two of you STAY in control of the "event" - whereas if you bring in a 3rd party there goes any control, even if you "set rules" there is always the risk of things NOT turning out as ANY of you planned.

There are plenty of toys out there to "help" facilitate various fantasies.

As for this whole "fetish" with a black guy... it's a bit ... cringe.

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