A
male
age
41-50,
*orbandallas
writes:I think my girlfriend may be cheating on me, but don't know for sure, and I have no really way of finding out.My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 months. She is Korean, speaks korean, and I do not. Well the reason I suspect she is cheating is that she gets these calls and texts all day long from someone named "lee". I'm not sure if that's a male name but, it sounds like. Now I creeped her phone, I was really curious because of her behavior while out one night, she texted me "if I come home I will take the skytrain". She never told me who she was with when I asked. Turns out when I looked at her phone it was this lee person. Their conversations are in korean, the only thing I could read was the city she was going to.She also lied to me she went somewhere a few days later, she said she only went with her siblings. Well I checked her phone again she went with this lee person and her siblings. When I asked her siblings how they go to where they were going, they said my girlfriend's friend took them. When I asked which friend they said "just a friend of ours".This lee person also sends her tons of pictures that he or she has taken of her. She also talks to this person on the phone like she talks to me.I have no way of finding out what's going on. All their chats are in Korean.I know creeping her phone is completely wrong. Any advice would be great. Thanks
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 September 2011):
Hi. There's nothing you can do about the fact her messages are in another language.
It might be best to simply trust her, despite the fact you are having some doubts.
People act differently when they think they are not trusted.
They can feel it's a slight on their integrity. They can become annoyed easily, especially if their partner asks a lot of questions.
Maybe you could take a step back from it, and see how it all pans out. When you do this, you can sometimes see things a lot more clearly.
And you might actually find that there was nothing to be worried about after all.
A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (8 September 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all,
Thanks for your responses. We just came back from a short trip to Mexico, it went pretty well. Her phone was practically dead and she didn't bring her charger so she never used it.
She did turn her phone on at the airport to use WiFi and the first person that had messaged was this Lee person. I asked her "who is Lee". She didn't say anything, but she was overwhelmed as she had 128 new messages, mostly from her family.
She visited a friend the night before we left for Mexico. She didn't get to my place till 1030 pm when we had to get up at 4am, which pissed me off. I asked why she was out of town for so long, she was going to get her cell phone account changed as it still had her ex-boyfriend on it, who she apparently hates.
She got a little annoyed why I asked her why it took so long. She said she went out for dinner with a friend and then coffee in a different town than she initially said. No big deal I guess.
I did ask her while we were on vacation why her and her ex broke up. I was really curious, maybe I shouldn't aske, but she asks me about my ex quite a bit. Anyways, turns out he was snooping her facebook and phone and found pictures of her hanging out with another guy and accused her of cheating. She said he didn't like her hanging it with other guys that were just her friends so she broke it off.
Now I'm behaving just like the ex. I think I should just trust her. There is no change in intimacy, she doesn't hide her phone, but everything is in a language I can't read anyway. Thinking I'm being that jealous guy that no body really likes and I should just stop. It's hard though, but I think I am in the wrong.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (2 September 2011):
They say in love and war there is nothing wrong
And therefor i believe that creeping her phone isn't wrong at all
Because she is your GF and you might get married one day
About this lee person why don't you call her/his number at first place before getting so suspicious because i have a feeling it is one of her Girl friends
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (2 September 2011):
Hi there. Yes, it's very tormenting when you suspect your partner could be cheating.
And it's a perfectly normal reaction to want to check their mobile when it's left unattended.
However at the same time I say this, it also makes you feel awful inside, for fear of what you might find when you do check their phone. It doesn't ease your mind, it kind of makes it all seem worse than it actually is.
Perhaps what would be a better barometer of what's happening in her life, is in how she is when she is with you.
If someone was cheating on their partner, things that might be happening or could be, are:-
(1) Being secretive. If she's on the phone when you walk into the house, and she suddenly either - ends the call, or talks very quietly, or shuts the door so you can't hear. Or, she hides her mobile phone from view, where you are very unlikely to find it.
(2) If she gets moody or agitated when you ask her a question about something she's said, done or somewhere she's been - without you.
(3) If you say something to her, and it's obvious to you that she's lying. Hesitation before answering, like she has to think up an excuse. Lying is usually pretty obvious to most people. Plus looking decidedly uncomfortable, like being put on the spot.
(4) If she says she's going somewhere, and it's proven by you somehow, that she's somewhere else entirely.
(5) If she says she's with one person, and it's proven by you somehow again, that she's with someone else entirely.
There are so many telltale signs that seem to point in the direction of someone cheating on their partner.
And then of course, there's the way she is when she is with you. Is she still as loving towards you? Is she cold towards you, or somewhat withdrawn perhaps? Do you still talk as comfortably with each other, as you did before this?
In other words, is she acting differently towards you in any way at all - better or worse? Or, is everything exactly the same as it always was, no change whatsoever?
Has your sex life changed in any way? Is it still happening at all? Less frequent, more frequent? Or is it exactly the same as it was prior to all this business with this Lee person?
Generally speaking, if your relationship is just as good now as it always was before "Lee" came on the scene, well then perhaps he (if it is a he), is nothing more than just a friend.
So I would say, as hard as it feels at the moment, continue to trust her completely, unless she ever gives you reason not to.
It's a case of having complete faith in her, that she will do the right thing by you, and continue to have faith in her - unless anything seriously wrong happens, to challenge that belief.
And if that does happen, and I sincerely hope it doesn't, well then it's going to be a case of having it out with her, once and for all.
For now though, don't even go there with your mind, just dismiss the thought for the moment. And keep trusting her and having faith in her good judgement and respect towards you.
Try to stay calm and don't confront her about it, unless anything very unusual and out of character for her rings any alarm bells for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): When you see her get a text or a call from this person ask her who it is and if she wont tell you who then you can say you aren't happy with her talking to someone and not wanting you to know who it is and the same if she says someone called Lee, you can say the same but you worried that she wont tell you who it is. It could be a relative and nothing to worry about, but its best to find out, good luck! :)
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