A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and he seems so selfish. Don't get me wrong, there are many good things about him which make it hard to decide whether I should end the relationship. He works hard, he helps around the house, he cooks sometimes, he rarely drinks, he doesn't smoke and he genuinely is a caring person but only problem is, I find it hard 'booking in' time for us. He does pretty much every sport you can imagine and he puts all of his scheduled games and training sessions before me. I have politely tried to discuss his busy schedule many times but we always end up in an argument because he thinks I am controlling his life. He never discusses his optional time away for work (eg. 4-5 weeks away at a time)... he just tells me he is going and when he'll be back. I just feel like I have no part in his life or our relationship.And the thing that sticks in my mind the most is our lack of socialising with others. He never visits friends because he says he doesn't need them, he never goes out and he always goes to bed before 9pm because he is tired from all of his training. When we do go over to friends' houses, he yawns and looks at me all the time, wanting to leave at 8:30pm so he can sleep. I have been trying so hard to talk to him, but he just doesn't listen and I know he won't change.The funny thing is, we have talked many times about the future. He says he wants to marry me and buy a house with me... but he's never home?I know in my heart he is not cheating, he is a great role model in our community and I do love him. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, visione  +, writes (29 January 2010):
 It's like those people you read about who choose their career (or whatever) over their spouse... do you want to stay with someone like that, who doesn't even pay any attention to you? He is obviously not ready to settle down - I mean honestly, a simple request like spending time gets a "you're controlling my life" statement back, really? Whether he gets out of this phase (is it a phase? has he always been like this?) or not isn't clear right now. You should sit him down and ask him what HE thinks where this relationship is going. Think about whether you agree with his answer or not, and if not you should definitely express your lack of satisfaction with this relationship... is it worth continuing if he isn't even part of the relationship?
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (29 January 2010):
 Oh wow!! You are defintely second in his life... sorry Hun, you need to sit this man down and tell him that you want more attention or else you are leaving.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 January 2010):
He seems to be way too into his own life to even have a girlfriend, and I think you now need to stop being so polite and tell him straight that the lack of attention and the lack of you doing things as a couple is now affecting your relationship. If he still doesn't change, then he's not the guy for you. To have a relationship, he needs to be there.
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