A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife is 27 years old and I am 29.She's my sweetie and I do really care for her.But regarding few things i have some concern.I donno how can I help her to improve on those certain issues.I convince her.But nothing has worked yet.1.She can't manage all house-works it's not a problem for me as because i do manage it well once I return from office in home.But what really bothers me i.e. after returning from home i see everything is so disorganized in home.many things are not in proper place.e.g.i. she has eaten a dish.the dish is there as it is,she hasn't placed it on sink for cleaning.ii.she keeps cloths under water for washing and doesn't wash even 2-3 days pass.iii.She pasted coriander for applying on face(as i said her that her facial skin is being dried) but after returning home i found that the dirty bowl is as it is on the table and the basin is blocked with the used coriander dirts.i scold her not for doing work but for keeping things in so disorganized form.If I scold her she cried like a 2-3 years kid.she's very sweet,immature and childish enough.Then I care for her and then after longtime she smiles like a sweet child.2.She behaves in childish/immature manner in public place also.I brought her in a designer's shop for ordering some designer cloths for her.But whatever the shopped showed her, my wife became excited and so childish even after seeing each and every piece.She is very emotional.I explain her that at public place we shouldn't behave childish/emotionally excited manner.But she is unchanged.In front of my friends also she behaves in very immature/childish manner and not in professional manner.3.If I scold her then she used to hide under bed or table and she's very stubborn.Until and unless I call her and care for her, she won't come.She'll keep secretly crying or being annoyed.After few days she stopped hiding under bed/table or the corner space beside refrizerator.But after few days when I scolded her for any reason she didn't hide under bed or table but to scare me a bit she left the room.she was waiting for me in the floors.I went to her and brought her into home.But after few days when i scolded her for any reason,she totally left the building and started roaming in roads,she was walking and walking here and there within our campus.and then left the campus and was walking on the mainroad with heavy mind.And then she was back and was standing calmly below of our building.I was finding her and finally found her and brought her to home.I teach her riding skooter in the morning.As I scolded her on yesterday evening for any reason so she refused to learn skooty from me today morning.She is so disorganized,totally unable to manage herself and she behaves in immature/emotional manner often.She doesn't care for her at all.She doesn't comb her hair well her head is full of dandruff.she doesn't clean.she forgets.she doesn't care for her facial skin also it's being dried.she skips lunch although she's chronic acidity patient.I've no personal problem/complain on her drawbacks.But my concern is about her only.She has lot of good qualities but her above drawbacks are affecting her good qualities too.She used to do job as a software engineer in a global reputed brand.2 years she was idle in her office (as no project she got) and in recession she had lost the job.she's upset with that too.she has educational good degree and intellegence to do well in career.But because of having lack in basic lessons of practical life she's faced troubles in life.She is very soft-hearted,emotional,sweet and very childish.She gets pain within mind easily.I and she went to learn business english in a class.there were only 4 students.me 29,my wife 27 , another girl 22 and a boy 18 only. in front of those two little boy(18) and girl (22) my wife didn't feel shy to cry while the teacher scolded her for a reason.I donno how she cried in front those two young aged boy and girls.She felt very ashamed while i told her this later after class.And my wife felt feeling very very low.Although I care so much for my life,I really love her a lot but I am worried for her own good only.How she'll overcome her own barriers?How to help her to improve on these?She's trying for job and once she gets job she'll happy.I know she's not the person who can accept the life of a housewife within 4 walls only and i also don't want her in that way.But if she doesn't become professional and matured and unable to manager herself she may again loose her job.Although i convince her, but nothing works.she is as she is,she just loves me to care for her,she really does mind if i scold her for a second.She is like 3 years old kid.I don't want people to love on her childish behavior.I expect her to become a matured and improved personality.But any suggestions of mine doesn't work.She wastes time in home in meaningless manner.She doesn't paint anymore,she doesn't write poems anymore.She is very lazy and simply doesn't do anything except timepass by doing nothing.Kindly provide some advice that how can i help my sweetie to become matured,organized,self-sufficient,emotionally intellegent lady.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionreally excellent advice!thanks.got the way.i am define that she'll overcome from her state.she's very good and nice otherwise.thanks for all of your answers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni try to support/care for her as much as possible. i convince her that one job doesn't just limit her life. but none of my convincing/caring/supporting approach has helped her yet to overcome her state.
so please suggest me how can i motivate her in better ways?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncan you suggest me some measurable ways that how can i support her or motivate her so that she can overcome her depressive state and can start leading a normal life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionctually after loosing job she has lost motivation from doing anything.she has lost confidence a lot.
she's very innocent.in childhood she was pampered and her parents were very protective.which turns out her as immature than her immature.
she has every intellegence.she is excellent in studies and worked for two years in a globally reputed concern as software engineer.
yes, i won't scold her anymore.i believe once she gets job ....everything will become gradually normal with her.she needs support until she manages job.
her problem is: she anyhow can't tolerate the life of house-wife.she firmly believes in having own stand in life.as she has lost job,she is highly depressed.because of this actually she's not also painting/writing poems etc. also.and keeps the home disorganized for the same cause too probably.
thanks all for all of your replies.but anyhow there is no question that i would leave her and she's not poor by any means.Immaturity is different issue but am definite that once she gets job, things will become drastically normal with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): actually after loosing job she has lost motivation from doing anything.she has lost confidence a lot.
she's very innocent.in childhood she was pampered and her parents were very protective.which turns out her as immature than her immature.
she has every intellegence.she is excellent in studies and worked for two years in a globally reputed concern as software engineer.
yes, i won't scold her anymore.i believe once she gets job ....everything will become gradually normal with her.she needs support until she manages job.
her problem is: she anyhow can't tolerate the life of house-wife.she firmly believes in having own stand in life.as she has lost job,she is highly depressed.because of this actually she's not also painting/writing poems etc. also.and keeps the home disorganized for the same cause too probably.
thanks all for all of your replies.but anyhow there is no question that i would leave her and she's not poor by any means.Immaturity is different issue but am definite that once she gets job, things will become drastically normal with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): i cant imagine why you married someone who is so obviously an embarrassement to you? She sounds depressed and no wonder. Most people will blossom under praise and wilt under scolding. If my husband treated me the way you are treating your wife....I would be going on long walks too and rethinking my life. You really sound like you care for her but you are approaching this all wrong. You make her feel more inadequated instead of empowered. Try building on her strengths and see if her weaknesses dont improve. mal
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (29 January 2010):
Give her a break man. I can gaurentee you that if she becomes this person you think you want ur gonna be looking for this person she is. I know some things bug u but all in all she sounds rather charming. If she's not wut u want than I guess u have break up with her. Don't try to change her. I bet you fell for her becuz of her easy goin nature. Give her a break dude
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (29 January 2010):
 First of all, stop with the scolding. You scold a child, you don't scold your wife. If you treat her like a child, she will act like one - which is what has happened here.
I think she needs some counselling, she sounds depressed to me - people don't just stop doing things for no reason. Usually lack of motivation can be a side effect of depression. Perhaps she became down after she lost her job and hasn't been able to pick herself up?
In which case, she needs support, not her husband scolding her.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (29 January 2010):
 how to help her become a mature, organised, self sufficient, emotially intelligent lady huh.
Sounds like this girl is nothing like what you want in a wife, which leads me to the question, why did you marry her. Why didnt you find a girl who already was mature, organised, self sufficient, emotially intelligent lady?
What made you pick on this poor girl, you say she has stopped painting and writing poetry, have you considered she might be suffering depression, I know I wouldnt be able to take you pick pick picking at me all the time.
Take a good long look at yourself and your relationship. You might need to change in order to bring about the changes you expect from her.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (29 January 2010):
 Has it occured to you that if you stop treating her like a child, she will stop acting like one?
In anycase, I rekon you would like her reaction way way better than the one you would get from me if you came in telling me off for what I had or hadn't done with my day, if I had or hadn;t eaten, slapped products on my face, how i brushed my hair, etc, etc, etc, etc. I'd bite ya head off pretty much ..lol
How do you think you might take to all of that being levelled at you constantly by someone else? Not too kindly I'd imagine.
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