A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think that my boyfriend of nine years has been sleeping with one of his female employees. He has been driving her around to and from the workplace for over a year. I can see that they have become close. I have told him that i cannot cope with this situation anymore as i am constantly paranoid that they are having an affair. He denies this, but admits that as we have had problems he has warmed to her as a companion more and more. The other day he said that he was going to make a change to his working environment where she was concerned and put 100% into our relationship. The next day i left for work and he was pottering around the house, unwashed, watching tv etc, i didn't think he was going anywhere soon. Half an hour later i drive past the house and see that he has already gone out. An hour or so later i go back home and see that he has had a shower and the house smells strongly of after shave. He hasn't done anything at home he must have got in the shower and left as soon as i went out. My gut feeling is that he is around this female employees house, i drive round there and see his car outside. knock on the door, obviously now very upset and not sure what i'm going to do. I knock again and there is no answer, i bang on the door and finally my boyfriend answers. They were obviuosly upstairs in her bedroom. He says that they were talking about work. I cant stop thinking that i am being a fool to try and believe him, that all the signs are there that something was going on. He didn't answer his phone when i tried to call, the shower and after shave, the time it took for him to answer the door, the fact that they were in her bedroom, and that he didn't have any shoes on, when he never takes his shoes off, and that she hid upstairs rather than confronting me! I feel like i am driving myself crazy thinking about this, and i dont know what to believe. This isn't the first time he has been around her house, a few days before he admitted being there doing a 'favour' for her. Does anyone have any advise on how i should deal with this? He swares that there was nothing going on. I love my boyfriend so much and things are really awful at the moment, we are virtually married, i dont want to lose him, but i dont want to be weak either, and i cant keep torturing myself with thoughts of him with somebody else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): hi therelet us not play games or beat around the bush. you know he is cheating on you. what are you going to do. this man lies openly, with out any conscious. he is belittling you and he knows that somehow you are powerless to act against him. he knows you so well- he knows that you just eat up his bull story and you may be too timid, or too afraid to openly confront him. you do not need any more proof or evidence. you have it all but how are you going to move forwrad. the hard saying " you deserve what you tolerate" is harsh but it is an eye opener. this other woman also needs to be taken to task. when you found your bf at her house, you should have confronted her as well. both your bf and her have disrespected you too much already. hey, they are making you the laughing stock, aren't they. so please snap out of the nice, understanding mode and get with it - if you still want the cheating scumbag, you need to be prepared to fight for him. fight dirty and fight for what you want. if he is not worth fighting over, then release yourself from this man. allow yourself some dignity and allow yourself to move on. yes you have invested so many years with him, but really if there is nothing left in your relationship, then it is time to move on. if you do not do anything about the cheater he will continue, his other woman will continue to be a thorn in your flesh. then you only have yourself to blame for the betrayal - why do i say this? you have all the evidence yet you seem powerless to act on it. perhaps you are afraid and perhaps you believe you cannot make it on your own. you will be amased at your own inner strength you possess. so please confront the cheater and his other woman. and then make peace with the decision you have chosen. TRSU YOUR GUT, AND CONFRONT THIS MAN. YOU ARE NO LONGER HIS AND THE OTHER WOMAN'S FOOL. BE STRONG!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): I think you know he is cheating on you with her. It may be you are afraid to leave him, and/or afraid of the consequences of doing so. It also sounds like no matter what he does, and no matter what others advise, you're not going to leave him.I think you don't want to be without him, and you're willing to take him, even as a cheater. Maybe you're afraid to be alone. Or maybe you're afraid of the unknown after he's out of your life. Sometimes people rather the pain of staying with a cheater/liar than to venture into a new life of being without that person.I personally hope you gather enough strength to live without this person.Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): Oh, and in my opinion you should not worry about "stalking" him. Sometimes, that's all a person can do to find out the truth. If you can't reply on his word then you have to rely on his actions. But you can't rely on his word ABOUT his actions, so you have to look at them yourself. Proof is the only way to know if he is cheating right now.
~Sy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): Ick.. he's cheating on you. No doubt in my mind. Any work-related issues would have been discussed at the table with a cup of coffee. A professional atmosphere would have been set and the shoes would be on. It would be a quick get-up to check the door, not by him but by the owner of the house. Would've taken no less than a minute and a half. He would not have tried to throw you off-track by pretending to be lounging all day. He would been upfront and have told you he was going. He would have answered his phone to reassure you. He's playing you for as long as you're letting him. And so far, you've given him a good, long game. Don't let yourself be fooled. Don't let that jerk and his jerkette jerk you around and breathe a sigh of relief everytime they get away with it again. Be strong. You're loving a man who doesn't deserve to be loved by you. He's the worst kind of cheater. He hasn't come forth with guilt and remorse. He lies repeatedly to your face and makes a fool out of you. Then he comes home and takes advantage of the love and other things you give him. Stanf up for yourself.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): Hello, I wanted to let you know that I would be very uncomfortable with this as well.I do not feel that your partner should be driving around with this woman and certainly not going over to her house without your knowledge. There actually is a clinical term called Emotional Infidelity and even if this is going on (which it sounds like it is at the very least...) it is a form of infidelity.I wouldnt put up with it myself and to be honest I would have confronted him at her house as well. The bottom line is it does sound like he is being unfaithful and I would kick that bastards ass to the curb! Believe it or not, you can survive without him and you most certainly deserve better treatment than that.
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A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind  +, writes (29 August 2009):
You.. I can see both sides of this. On one hand, he is likely being unfaithful just because of the circumstance. On the other hand. Your creating a lot of situations mentally, you got suspicious, went back to your house, you blew up his phone, drove to her house, see his car knocked on the door, beat on the door. I mean honestly, thats not normal to do. You cant drive to a strange girls house thinking your boyfriend is there.You cant STALK your boyfriend. If you look hard enough for something you will find it. Try to keep that in perspective. Look at people who read their significant others emails, they always freak out.Wife finds an e mail addressed to Christi."Who is she?! do you love her? ANSWER ME!""Yeah, she is my mom, what the hell?!" I calmly replyNine years is A LONG damn time to throw away on a fling. If you really trust him.. he isnt going to do you wrong. let me know how it works.-iydm
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): Definitely trust your gut instinct. He was caught red handed (well almost). I know you love this guy but I am sorry because he clearly does not respect you in the same way. I think your options are to look at a spy gadget website and perhaps try to catch him out using some kind of camera or sound tool or you can get mobile phone sim card downloaders (not as James Bond as it sounds!). More expensive is to hire a private detective if he's worth the effort. Do you know a work colleague at his place that you could confide in and try to find out if there is more stuff than you know about? Office gossip will be rife if something is going on. If not I guess you could follow him and perhaps borrow a car he does not recognise. Ring his phone from a phone he won't recognise either. Try taking the afternoon off work and turning up at his office and say you have booked a meal out that evening because you would like to talk. Judge his reaction - you might be ruining his plans in which case he would react with annoyance. Have you looked at his phone? I know I should not really recommend it but as you are in a very serious relationship there should be no secrets. I think you need to solve this mystery once and for all - but I also think you need to realise that unless you have 100% evidence he will make excuses.
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A
male
reader, bouncer  +, writes (29 August 2009):
There is no doubt that this RAT is cheating on you. Do yourself a big favour and leave him. There are lots of good men out there who will not do the dirt on you. I believe the saying once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat
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