A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think my best friend's boyfriend is cheating on her.To give you some background: My best friend (A) has been with her boyfriend (R) for about 4 years. R and my boyfriend (P) are also best friends since they were kids.This weekend I was snooping my boyfriend's phone (yes, I know, it's not nice) when I saw a few text messages from R to my boyfriend that went something like this.Text 1: (A screen grab from R's phone that is of texts between R and some girl and they are basically sexting)Text 2: "I'm going to hook up with her soon" (About 5 pics of this girl who I recognize as a someone R works with as I have met her once a few years ago)Text 3: If A asks, tell her I was out with you.Those were all from Friday night. Then on Saturday when my boyfriend texts to ask how was his friday night, R replied "Really good".I saw this on Sunday morning. I'm not sure what to do... I don't think my boyfriend would tell me the truth if I ask him because he's probably going to try to protect his "bro" but my friend deserves to know if her boyfriend is fooling around behind her back.She is very loyal, R is her first real boyfriend, he knows her whole family and just this weekend went to her mother's birthday.I don't want her to get hurt but I don't want to say anything without any real proof...Any advice?
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 I agree with the anonymous male reader at the bottom of this page. If your boyfriend's covering up for that scummy friend of his, he's probably of the same kind, with no moral objections to cheating. Both the men sounds like absolute losers to me. Do you and your friend want to associate with such guys?
And yes, I think you should get hold of your boyfriend's phone again and forward those messages from his phone to your phone and show them to your friend. It might mean the end of everything...but I'm not sure what you have is worth preserving.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (3 April 2012):
You could ask your friend what she did this weekend and see if she saw her BF this weekend.
If he's using your boyfriend as a cover - he would give this excuse and then When your friend says "oh my boyfriend was with your boyfriend" - you could say "uh no my boyfriend was ....(and say what he was really doing)
I'd try this first. It gets him in hot water with her and makes him accountable for his whereabouts and basically leaves you out of it. I mean you just "innocently" asked "how was your weekend?".
This gives her the info she needs without throwing you in the middle.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (3 April 2012):
Well you have a few options here. You can stay out of it all together, doing this could save you relationship with your bf, and leave your friend to find out on her own. You could tell your bf that you have been snooping through his phone which could cause a fight and ask him about the txt messages which could start another dispute. Or you could just plain out ask your friends bf. Dont say you found texts just say hes been acting strange. He could lie or behonest. But that could also blow up in your face. Those are some options but what my advice would be is keep your mouth shut about the texts and tell ur bf that you think r has been acting strange and ask your bf whats up with him. He could lie but may not. If you are absolutly certain ur friends bf cheated and your bf knew and lied to you about it then i would ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship like that. But i stress that you dont make a rash decision and that you get your facts straight first. Becuz just maybe he didnt sleep w her.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 April 2012):
 Oh for heavens' sake! WHY were you snooping through your boyfriend's phone in the first place? Do you have some trust issues with him?
You say that even if you talk to him concerning his friend and your best friend he's not going to be happy to know what you did, you know. If you choose to talk to your bf, be prepared for the fact that it might well open up a whole can of worms.
I realize you are worried about your friend, yet, if her bf is cheating on her she's going to find out sooner or later - and she may well not feel like thanking you for telling her what you discovered.
It's up to you what you do, but I recommend you strongly consider staying out of it.......and if you think YOUR bf is not trustworthy and wrong to support his buddy - if in fact that's what he's doing - then perhaps you need to give some thought to your own relationship......just my two cents' worth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): Expose everything - the fact that you went snooping in your bf's phone, and what you found. let the truth be known - the truth of everything. then let the cards fall where they may.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comment.
I just wanted to clarify that my boyfriend already knows I was looking through his phone that day because I had to confront him about something else I saw and that's cleared up.
He doesn't know I saw the texts from R, though after our talk he did ask "So, did you see anything else?" but I said no at the time, honestly because I was kinda in a state of shock/disbelief.
I definitely plan to ask him about this but I feel like he'll just lie to protect his boy.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 Well it sounds like he is obviously looking to get with another girl even if he has not already done so yet and off course it is not nice for your friend. But you where the one that went snooping here so I think you need to tell your boyfriend what you found and why you are worried and maybe then talk to your friend. But you need to talk to your boyfriend about this first as it might come back to bite you and ruin your relationship with him, so I think it is best you own up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): Consequences of his poor judgement and actions:
His cheating lying ways are serving him and his GF no good-forward sexts and images to his GF.
Shame on your BF for hiding, lying such poor, ugly, hurtful, selfish behaviour.
Do your BF and His Friend often rely on one another to cover each others lying, cheating ways?
How are these men learning what it is to be accountable when you go along with them and conceal such truth?
Everyone deserves the truth.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2012): Yes, advice is birds of a feather flock together. If your boyfriend condones and covers for this behavior, he probably is doing similar things behind your back. This is also why you probably snoop through his phone!
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