A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 years is avoiding my lately, cause of that we had a fight. I called him and we made up, but he avoding me more now.I have a feeling that he wants to break up with me, not sure why he hasnt done that yet. I am trying to have this conv with him for past 2 days, he is not picking up the call or responding to my msgs. BTW he is not cheating, i know that for sure and he is not stressed at work and doesnt hv any personals probs also.I know i love him a lot, but this is ruining my life and my work and my sleep. Its been 2 days since i slept. I couldnt concentrate on anything. I just wanted to talk to him and c wats happening, so i can be sure and move on. I dont have much friends and i am scared of being alone once he leaves me. I dont have much choice, i know i cannot be with someone who doesnt love me. I am confused and messy. Please help me.
View related questions:
at work, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 October 2011):
 I actually think I agree with Aunty Em as hard as it is to do. I know for me I'd be just as insane as you are.
My advice: proceed like he already ended it with you. DO NOT contact him. BUT you need to work this out and obsess about it... (I know I do when things are like this) so WRITE WRITE WRITE...
write to him about how you feel, what's going on, what you think he thinks, what you wish could happen, etc etc etc. WRITE pages and pages... DO NOT SEND THEM. it's a journal. you can go back and read it later if you like too.
So many times we want closure but we can't get it for one reason or another.
He's not being fair not talking to you but it's his limitations not yours... Be strong and be brave and give him his space. Eventually you will have closure, either he will talk to you and either leave or fix things or you will get over him being a jerk and just leaving...
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 I am going to say something completely different from what the other 'aunts' have suggested.
DON'T DO ANYTHING!!
NOTHING
Don't call him, or message him, don't try to force him into a conversation he isn't ready to have.Definitely DON'T go to his house wearing sexy clothes (he will sense the desperation immediately) Right now the guy is in his cave. That means one thing HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
You have been together for 3 years, he WILL get back to you, because he knows there is unfinished business, but right now he is working it out in his own head what he wants.
You have no influence over his thinking at this point, you cannot change his mind and any attempt will interfere with the natural process. You cannot force him to come back to you by insisting, you need to give him space.
I know this is hard to do. If you have to contact him, you get a friend to call him and say 'She loves and misses you but she is going to give you space, contact her when you have worked out your feelings) This lets him know you still care about him and that you respect him enough to allow him to come to his own decision.It will also give him time to miss you.
If you force contact, it might give you some temporary relief but sooner or later the arguments will begin again.
If, after a time, he doesn't contact you, or he calls to say things are over, at least you will have avoided the rollercoaster and desperate behaviour that will discredit you and wreck your self esteem.
Be dignified, be mature, keep your crying to close friends but most of all hold your head up, because even if he doesn't love you, someone else will.
...............................
A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (5 October 2011):
This is what you should do. Go out get the sexiest outfit u can find that looks good on you. Tell him you are coming over. Reconnect with him, try something new... This is just an idea.. You have nothing to loose right.. and what guy wouldnt like this lets be honest... Or you can do what probably other people would tell you and go talk to him about your situation and see whats going on... (I think 1st idea is better)...Try different stuff. and when you are about to fight say this! ! Would you rather be right or happy!!! This saves you so any times. basically if you dont understand what this means if you want to be right your both going to be fighting voicing your opinion until u win the fight or he does. But that doesn't end well. If you want to be happy!!!!, instead of fighting and bickering, just accept whatever. be wrong it doesnt matter as long as you avoid a fight. You dont need drama in a relationship if you can avoid it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (5 October 2011):
 some men don't break up they just break contact. its spineless and pathetic. Send a message stating that you feel he is trying to end it. If he doesn't respond then obviously he is trying to end it in a very immature and cowardly way. then move on and find a real MAN
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): Just go over to his house and talk. If he shuts the door when he sees you or hit a u turn in the drive n head out...well, then u know the relationship is over. Make an effort to go visit him even if its a two hour drive distance. Otherwise I would think its not that important to u.
...............................
|
