A
female
age
36-40,
*unkissed10
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship now for about a year now, and we have seen eachother about 4 times since then. He is 11 hours away. He is trying to get a job down here, but he has a lot of financial issues hes taking care of. I am now out of dental school, and working but not enough yet to support myself. It seems as if now that I am not looking for a guy they seem to just appear out of nowhere, and it confuses me so much and causes me to stress and overanalyze. I love my boyfriend so much and I miss him so much, I want him to be here so badly and I cant wait for the day that he does move down.. However- I do have a lot of fun going out with my girlfriends and getting all dressed up and just being 22, but thats when I meet these random guys and I start wondering what they are like..yet the whole time my boyfriend is in the back of my mind. People are just like take a break..but I dont want to I dont think that would do anything because when we visit eachother and one of us leaves..I miss him the second I know hes gone, so I know the break thing would be pointless and possibly make things worse. I just dont know how to approach this situation. Do I go out and have fun and just not think so much, or should I go out at all ?? I hate feeling guilty, but I also don't want to be that elderly woman who looks back and wonders what if .. Please I would appreciate someone elses opinion. Thank you so much!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Go out and have fun, sure. You sound like you can control yourself. Just two quotes I want to expand on...
"People are just like take a break..." People who say that are not thinking about your best interests. They're either girls who want to watch someone else do something stupid and entertaining, or they're guys trying to get laid. "Take a break" means "cheat," in this context.
"I also don't want to be that elderly woman who looks back and wonders what if..." This one's a bit more complicated.
The thing about choices is, when you make one, you lose the others. That's what choice is, comparing benefits to opportunity costs and picking the one you think is best. Any choice you make will have an opportunity cost.
Flip it around. If you "take a break" (read: cheat), he may not go along with it. Then what if you end up an elderly woman who looks back and wonders, "What if I had stayed with him?" Regrets are not exclusive to one choice or another.
Commitment is not about the people who stick around when it's easy, it's about the people who stick around when it's tough. There's no shame in not committing now, so long as you're honest about it, but you would be deluding yourself if you thought any real choice was free of costs. The only difference here is that if you choose take a break (which will most likely turn into a real breakup), that choice will be permanent whether you want it to or not; if you choose to stay loyal, you'll continue to face temptation. It feels different, but functionally is about the same.
Think about it, pick the best one for you, don't string the guy along, and don't look back.
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