A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have known this man from work for 4 years. It another department in another city so we rarely run into each other. It has been so obvious he had a crush on me. When he finally asked me out 2 YEARS later via email, I was very surprised but I was seeing someone I really liked. Another year later, he invited me to a friendly lunch. But, he was acting really weird, little eye contact, and kept rambling about stupid topics. Turns out he had a girlfriend but I didn't find out until recently. At the 4th year of this weird crush, he finally mans up and pursues me. He breaks up with his gf and visited me weekly. (We live an hour apart- in no traffic). I had no idea he broke up with her to date other people, specifically me it seems. However, he keeps filling me head with talk about falling in love, a serious relationship, wanting to finally get married(he's 40). At least I was smart enough not to fall head over heels for him because he has never invited me to his place or meet his family. The ex gf is his neighbor. He says he doesn't want to rub a new gf in her face, so I guess that's the reason. Why he has not asked me to be his gf. However, he has pushed himself onto me by coming to my home when I said my family is home and id rather meet him outside. Why should he meet my family when I can't meet his?? So, he's so concerned about his ex and trying to be amicable neighbors after he said such nice things to me. While I am SOO glad I have not slept with him, I. Still feel hurt that he cares so much about someone he broke up with. He said he needs time to rearrange things in his life( the ex, maybe moving, problems at work) but I don't know if I should even bother talking to him. Then he says, oh you wouldn't lose me if you date other men. Who says that to someone they like?! I'm angry, hurt, disappointed. I feel like calling him and saying piss off! I'm not waiting! But a small part of me says, should I wait? Should I see other guys in the meantime and give him a chance later on? Advice please and thanks for reading.
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at work, broke up, crush, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Yes, you should see other people.
You should not see him. He does not have his life together.
Consider these dating guidelines.
You BOTH get to date other people, unless you mutually agree to be monagamous and call each other BF/GF among friends, family, neighbors. HE must initiate the BF/GF talk.
When you enter that status-THEN and only then are you entitled to go into the "inner circle" of family home and family events.
I personally do not have sex unless there is monagamy.
This guy sounds like bad news. He is trying to see what his options are with you, without any serious effort on his part. He does not have the actions of someone that IS serious about the whole marriage and family choices.
Trust actions, not words.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): he sounds like he's trying too hard to be a Mr Nice Guy and not step on anyone's toes.
some people are jsut really afraid of the thought of anyone not liking them
he's afraid that his ex-gf will hate him when she sees that he has a new gf (you). So that's why he's wanting to tip toe around her.
then he's afraid that you're gonna get angry at him if he's not able to fully commit to you (cos he's too busy smoothing out the transition for his ex). so he tries to placate you by giving you freedom so he doesn't have to feel guilty for being unfair to you.
I think this guy just needs time to sort out his life. I think you just came into his life at the wrong time when he still had unfinished business.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 July 2011):
 I would run if someone I was dating were to say "You wouldn't lose me if you date other men". That always has the meaning that he either is or wants to date other women.
He's not over his ex, especially if he's talking about her being something to "rearrange". If they don't have a child together, she shouldn't have a place in his life, nor should he take her into consideration for any choice he makes now and in his future. The fact that he's thinking about her is a red flag. He still burns a candle in his heart for her, and as such it's too crowded for you.
I'd leave him and tell him that when he's ready to actually leave his ex, let you know. You want someone who only wants you and DOES care whether or not you date someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, I forgot to mention that when he rambles about his ex, if I bring up my ex, he gets annoyed. Then I get annoyed that I wanna share how I feel about moving on but he feels uncomfortable hearing it. However, he told me to date other guys
Second, I chose the wrong year of birth. My actual age group is 27-30
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