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female
,
anonymous
writes: Am I jealous or is my fiance jealous? My fiance always says that I get jealous. If getting a little angry and annoyed if he checks out and acts differently around attractive blondes is jealous then maybe I am. But isn't he jealous when I go out to a bar by myself and he asks if any guys talked to me and I say no and he doesn't believe me? Then I turned off my phone because we were arguing and I wanted to get some sleep and the next morning he called and I answered and he said "Isn't it a little early for you to be up?" like he is questioning me as if I am cheating. Call me crazy, but isn't my behavior normal and justified and his a little off?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 It's not uncommon to be a little jealous. I know that when my wife is somewhere, there will be men who try to talk to her. As hard as it might be, she can handle herself. This is the time when I need to feel secure. Yes, there are better looking, richer men out there who might be more attractive...on the surface. This is the moment where a person who is nurtured and living in a solid relationship will not fall to temptation. That is why I always advise that it's important to maintain a closeness and vibrancy in a relationship that keeps things fresh. This is because things WILL become mundane, it's normal. Understanding what's happening and dealing with it is key.
I think it bothers men a little more than women because men tend to be the hunters. They know that most men are looking for something other than friendship. It's that simple. We know that most guys have a motive, they're not just nice for sake of being nice. I'm not talking about all relationships, but mostly about the kind you have when you're out in a bar. It's not impossible for someone you meet in a bar to be respectable, but you have to keep your guard up. I think men just feel disrespected when they know their partner is being chatted up by another man. It's a basic feeling.
For example, when you're dating you'd think nothing of staying out all night just because you were having a GREAT time at the casino. Or, you'd have a thought on a Friday afternoon that you'd love to take your girlfriend to Niagara Falls for the weekend. Now, here's the difference...you actually did it. Once married, we find a million excuse NOT to do things. Do them.
Lastly, and this happened to me, don't take your partner for granted. Make sure you let them know you care and value them. If they know you care about them, they'll not fear the unknown others that lurk outside the relationship.
A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 Have you cheated?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 Maybe your both a little jealous, and theres a place for a little jealousy in relationships, it can be a healthy sign.
But where yours is a healthy one by the sounds of it, his isnt.
Almost certainly there is something from his past thats left him a bit insecure in relationships. The not liking your partner going out with his or her friends is a classic.
Its not good if they start putting their foot down about that. Its very normal & healthy to have seperate social lives sometimes.
Does he go out without you? Is there anything hes done that maybe he worries you will do too?
Thats not unheard of either.
But i think a good chat about your feelings for each other is needed & a lot of reassurance for him too.
Regards
C xxxxxxxxx
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